Look After You
by xxlovely
Summary: its hard being in love with your bestfriend,knowing you'll be the on picking up the pieces when the latest hoe proves no good.you want him,and youre going to fight.defeat is hard to accept.moving on is inevitable.but will he come to his senses in time?
1. Chapter 1

**Shit, I'm so stupid, I'm starting yet another new story, but I don't care, I think this is going to be pretty cool, so please read and tell me what you think, I need between 5-8 reviews to post the next chapter and therefore continue with this story**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I apologise for typos it's late, 1:25am to b exact and I'm illiterate ha, I'm not but I act like it.**

**FULL SUMMARY:being in love with your best friend is hard, living in each day knowing he's off with the latest hoe-bag who could never love him as much as you. knowing that you'll be the one to pick up those pieces when said hoe crushes him and that only crushes you more. time is ticking and hope is fading, its sink or swim, win or lose. Naivity comes with optimism, obliviousness comes with pessismism. his affections is the ultimate goal, finding someone else wasnt intended. things change, people change, feelings change...or do they? wake up and smell the roses, because you are in for one hell of an emotional rollercoaster Mitchie Toress, and Shane Gray is the driver, take control.**

* * *

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

Just a word of advice, from one person to another.

Never, ever fall for your best friend.

I repeat, do not fall for your best friend.

The inevitable pain and disastrous affects on your friendship which comes in the package of crossing that boundary isn't worth it.

You could wrap it in a bow, sprinkle it in glitter, hell you could get it gold plated and diamond encrust it...

This priceless experience will only leave your heart feeling poor and broke.

I know what you're thinking; I'm quite the cynic, one of those 'glass is half empty' kinda girls.

Wrong.

How very, very wrong of you.

In fact I'm a little insulted.

I could quite easily be the most optimistic person you'll ever meet, as long as you don't bring love into the equation

Love is a four letter word which momentarily fills you with a warm feeling as it leaves the lips of a person you care about.

And you hope they care too, because after all, love is a serious word, it's not to be used lightly. It's not to be said flippantly

But it is.

And in my case it's become such a common word vocalised to me that I have trouble comprehending it these days.

I want to believe it, I want that warm feeling. I'd _kill_ for that warm feeling, for that word to reflect the declaration of his love for me...

But I can't because after all, his definition of love in my case is merely platonic.

Friendly

Chummy.

In an 'I love you, you're the best friend a guy could ever ask for' kinda way.

Yeah cool. Because THAT'S what I want to hear. Not.

But then again it's not like I silently pray during every waking moment that he will wake up and realise that I'm the one he should be with or anything...

I don't fight back the tears when he brings yet another hoe-bag girl friend home...

Hell it's not even like I've pictured our kids, and how they would have his curly hair and my eyes.

Oh sarcasm, you wonderful invention, you disguise my feelings beneath my hilariously witty cover-ups. If I was to ever meet you, I would shake your hand. You show great dedication by loyally acting out your full time role as my defence mechanism.

If you were to get a salary, and if I was rolling in the dollar, you would have a very comfortable retirement. No doubt, you would be living it up in a condo in some magical island.

But for now Let me introduce myself, I'm Mitchie Torres, your average all American girl, born and raised in Texas, not the most exciting of locations, admittedly, but its home. My specific location you ask?

Dallas.

Ah yes. Like the programme. Well done. I'm impressed.

Minutely.

I lead a good life; I have an amazingly supportive family and friends which could quite easily be passed off as saints.

Why you ask?

Because they just happen to be the members of the hottest band circulating the music industry at the moment. Connect 3.

Yep, that's right folks, I'm fortunate to call the Gray brothers my friends. The sexiest voluntary virgins gracing the charts.

And one of them a best friend.

Shane.

Shane Grey...

The name which is like music to my ears, like birds singing in the morning, yet stings at the same time, as if those sweet metaphorical birds I was talking about began pecking at my chest.

He was off limits, forbidden fruit, a complete no go.

Not just because of that little silver band resting on his finger, no, because I can _totally _oversee that, but because he was friend.

My best friend, brother, my other half, my significant other in a merely platonic sense.

Pre and post stardom we were and are joined at the hip, there wasn't a day that went by where contact wasn't made.

Hours were spent on the phone when we were separated, sleepovers occurred when we were in meeting distance and texts were an essential even if he was sitting next to me.

We were each other's personal stalkers.

No secrets were hidden.

Locations were known.

Intentions were clear.

He was my ying to my yang.

The Peanut butter to my jelly.

This was a money can't buy friendship, a one of a kind custom made friendship created by our parents and their timing on when we were brought into the world.

Same day, 3 hours difference. He of course being older.

Which ultimately went to his head, and has still kept that pretty little head of his inflated with his egotistical, self worshipping ways for the past 18 years, but I wouldn't have him any other way.

We were brought up together

Bathed together

Went to school together.

We even did the 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' thing when we were 4.

I'm not joking when I say this, but that kid has been my rock, my shadow, my twin all my life.

We squabbled yet never argued, we would go to each other when we had relationship issues, well let me rephrase that, he would come to me with his girl problems

Me? I never ventured into relationships

Why?

Because ever since I reached the age when I realised crushing on a guy was not icky, I've been in love with Shane. And it sucks.

Years.

Fucking years I've floated around, silently praying that the latest flavour of the week will be the last one before he realises I'm the one.

But no, I'm there to pick up the pieces, I'm the shoulder to cry on, the comforter when the latest hoe-bag cheats or dumps his sexy ass.

And it kills me inside, it really does. Seeing him upset, seeing him with some blonde model crafted by god to perfection, seeing him with anyone but me.

And I know deep down, the reality of us ever becoming more than friends is slim to impossible, but I hang on to that thread of hope involuntarily, knowing that I should cut my losses and move on, accept that waiting will achieve me nothing but continuous heartache but I can't because I believe we belong together.

I really, really do.

But my patience, my sanity is quickly rushing away like sand in an hour glass as that thread becomes a speck of dust.

This was no longer a matter of wanting, this was need.

Pure desperation.

It's time to make a move or move on.

Both with disastrous potential outcomes.

One with a potential happy ending.

It's sink or swim.

Naivety comes with optimism and obliviousness comes with pessimism, suffering from both is a dangerous combination.

So everyone raise your glasses, here's to me, Mitchie Torres, the girl risking it all to get the guy of her dreams...

_Dear Mitchie,_

_good luck in your crusade to steal the affections of that fine piece of ass Shane Gray, i wish you all the best and may you return with your heart in one piece_

_Sincerely yours,_

_Me._

* * *

**So there you guys go, there is the prologue for this new fic, please tell me what you think! Review, review, review!**

**Love.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, sorry I've been MIA recently, but life hasn't been too good to me, but I'm back and roaring to go! I lost all motivation and enjoyment towards writing amongst other things I love, but I'm over it now, and as a high school graduate that's passed with really good GCSE results, I'm here giving you the updates you've been waiting for. THANKS SO MUCH FOR 20 REVIEWS! AMAZING! PLEASE REVIEW, I'm so looking forward to this story!**

**-its crap but w/e**

* * *

"MITCHIEEEEEEEE!" I sighed as Shane screeched my name throughout our two floored apartment, his voice echoing through the rooms, slamming my ears. Rolling my eyes I hoisted myself off of the sofa, setting my carton of Ben and Jerry's on the table as I silently trekked up the stairs to where he was.

And yes, before you ask, Shane and I do share an apartment- well his apartment. I'm merely the roommate who pays no rent?

Why? Because I'm an 18, nearly 19 year old girl scrapping by to afford her college tuition. And Shane? Well he has money spewing out of every orifice not to mention a seven figure sum resting comfortably in his account.

Our apartment was ridiculously over priced and modern, the size- enough to house an entire state, but according to Shane it's too small, he feels suffocated. Crazy I know, but with an ego the size of his, I don't think the US can accommodate for it.

I continued to drag my body up the flight of stairs when he screamed once more "MITCHIE? Mitchie get up here I'm having a fashion crisis"

I swear to god living with him is worse than living with a girl.

For three reasons

One- he is more fashion and appearance conscious than any other person I have ever come across in my life. Seriously, he won't leave the house if one strand of hair is out of place.

Two- he never cooks, cleans, shops, in fact he makes no contribution to the domestic aspect at all. Okay so admittedly he leaves me alone months on end whilst he's performing in front of thousands of underage girls who are eye fucking him night after night, but still. C'mon. A little help wouldn't go a miss.

And three- I'm in love with him, and naturally that wouldn't be the case with a girl. Watching him prance around the apartment, when he is home, semi naked, in all his glory does no wonders for my sense of control and only makes my unrequited feelings for him worse and worse.

Like now, for instance. I waltz into his walk in closet to see him shirtless, holding up two v-neck t-shirts. I gulp harshly, trying to push back the mental images of my hands running down his chest as he had his wicked way with me to the back of my mind as I tore my gaze away from his perfected chest to his face. Which whilst we're talking perfection- must have been created by god himself.

Custom made one of a kind, sexy.

"What is it now Shane?" I asked irritated, after all he had just interrupted my Friday night.

He threw up his hands "Woah no need for the third degree, I'm sorry I tore you away from you mentally undressing Ashton Kutcher on TV whilst you fill your face with ice cream, but this is an emergency. I have a date with Sarah tonight-"

"You mean Rachel" I cut him off.

He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion for a second before he relaxed , his face falling into a frown"Oh yeah, Sarah was last week" he said dejectedly

My heart sank a little; week after week it would be a new girl on his arms, sometimes more frequent than that, but every time they dropped him like rock. They would get what they could and disappear

He deserved a lot more.

"Anyway, what shirt?" he held up the two options as I shot him a crazy look

"Shane, not wanting to be Captain obvious or anything but they are exactly the same"

He nodded, his eyes widening slightly "Exactly! Now you see my dilemma"

I shook my head "No Shane, I really don't." My eyes scanned from shirt to shirt "That one" I said pointing to the tee in his left hand

He looked at it before giving a satisfied nod "Thanks Mitch you're great,"

Yeah I know.

I followed him out of the closet and sat myself on the end of his bed as I watched him get ready for his fourth date with Rachel. I sat wordlessly as he applied product after product to his naturally wavy hair, his bicep muscles highlighted in all their glory as he pulled at various locks.

Why was God torturing me like this?

What have I ever done to you big guy?

I follow the rules, I'm a good girl.

Cut me some slack _please_.

"I really like her Mitch, you know, i think she's different, like she actually gets me."

_Dear Big Guy,_

_I'm sorry if i've ever done anything to offend you,_

_But please, give me a break, your humour/ sense of revenge is cruel._

_Sincerely yours,_

_My sanity._

"That's great Shane, I'm happy for you" i plastered on the best fake smile i could muster

His hands dropped from his hair to his hips as he inspected his appearance, nodding in satisfaction as he turned on his heel to face me

"how do i look?" he asked biting his lip slightly, as if he was searching for my approval

"good" i replied. Good, sexy, fuckable- same thing right?

"Good? I only look good? I'm Shan Gray..."

"Woah Mr egotistical, keep yourself under wraps. You look great Shane, you're gunna knock her senseless when she see's you"

I got to my feet and followed him out of his room and onto the landing, looking at me with a shit eating grin spread across his face he pulled me into a quick but tight hug, as i inhaled the scent of his cologne, making my senses go crazy. I closed my eyes, letting the moment overtake me, until the sudden warmth was ripped away from me.

"Right babe I'm off, don't wait up, love you" he winked at me before grabbing the keys to his car and slamming the door firmly behind him.

I stood frozen as I watched the door shake on its hinges, the crash echoing in my ears. Sighing I dragged myself back to the living room, throwing myself down on the sofa as I grabbed my half eaten carton of Baked Alaska, digging the spoon in with force with one hand as I unpaused the movie with the other.

Hello Ashton Kutcher, I'm making it your personal mission to whisk me off of my feet for approximately 2hrs 23 minutes by showing your fine ass on one of my favourite movies of yours- A lot like love.

And before you start... don't.

If you fail to meet these specifications I will have to result to plan B; Ben Affleck. Be warned Mr Kutcher, that man has a body to die for.

Let mission impossible commence.

-

* * *

Two movies and a pint of Ben & jerry's I decided it was time to call it a night, any regular eighteen year old would spend their Friday night on a date or at a party- not me. I stayed home eye raping Ashton Kutcher whilst mentally cursing God as to why my life can't be as perfect as the movies.

Quite pathetic, right?

I know.

Checking my blackberry once more to see if Shane had sent me any emergency texts demanding me to save him from a disastrous date- which there was none, I set it on the table, plugging the charger in before I got to my feet exiting the living room.

My mind embraced the silence throughout the place as I entered my bedroom, my haven.

The only place I can successfully hide.

I didn't bother turning the light on as I clambered over numerous piles of clothes and bags that were scattered over my floor to my bed. I picked up the remote to my IPod dock as I selected my favourite playlist to fill my room.

_It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention  
it's like the alcohol making my head spin  
your scent is the rum. the room is a bottle  
Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow_

And if tonight ever makes a difference  
The way that I feel the way that I'll remember it  
I'll take this down until the glass remains  
Swallow the words that I was meant to say

I dived under the covers, wrapping them tightly around my body as I protected myself from the chill of the December night air as my ears listened intently to the words of 'The Cab', my mind drawing a blank as I let the music overtake me.

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies  
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight, so

Say goodnight our first goodbye  
I've only got forever and forever is fine  
Just take your time  
We'll stop the clock together  
And know that the timing was right

All of these guards they stand tall and defensive  
Putting up walls around what was once innocent  
It won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that  
'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back

Girl, last night I forgot to mention  
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this  
When we're this young, we have nothing to lose  
We just the clock to beat and a hand to choose

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies  
So I don't, I make one more wrong turn tonight, so

Say goodnight our first goodbye  
I've only got forever and forever is fine  
Just take your time  
We'll stop the clock together  
And know that the timing was right

It's a long way down  
Just fall into place and you'll fall into me  
We'll make it out you'll see

So, say goodnight, our first goodbye  
I've only got forever and forever is fine  
Just take your time  
We'll stop the clock together

And say goodnight, our first goodbye  
I've only got forever and forever is fine  
Just take your time  
We'll stop the clock together  
And know that the timing was right

I felt my eyelids drop heavily, feeling like a tonne of bricks were attached to them, the sudden tiredness overwhelming me. I surrendered, letting my body relax against the mattress as my eyelids closed, my last conscious thought being that of Shane.

-

* * *

Sleep lasted all of 25 minutes before I found myself waking up in a cold sweat, my breathing heavy as I tried to gain composure from whatever nightmare I had experienced.

Now little over two hours later I continued to toss and turn my body shouting at my mind to let sleep over take me, the darkness wanting to consume me as I stared out the window, the piercing moonlight shining through, highlighting the silhouettes of my furniture in my room. .

My attention was caught as I heard the front door cautiously open as I quickly rolled over to glance at the large red digits on my alarm clock telling me it was nearly 2am; the date must have gone well. I quickly rolled back over as I heard footsteps descend up the stairs. I pursed my eyes shut as I heard my door creak open, light from the hallway flooding through

"Mitch?" Shane whispered as he took a step into my room, "Mitch?" he repeated. I pretended to stir, knowing that he must have a valid reason for waking me up at this time. I rolled over as he sat on the bed, the mattress shifting underneath us

"Shane?" I said groggily, stretching my arms above my head. I opened my eyes cautiously as they travelled up to his face, his expression causing me to shoot up into a sitting position

"Shane" I repeated, more alert as I looked at him, his pained and saddened expression leaving me concerned "What's wrong?"

He looked at me wordlessly as he kicked off his shoes and removing his beat up leather jacket before crawling into bed next to me, bringing the comforter up to cover the both of us.

He let out a dejected sigh as he slung his arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to him before nestling himself comfortably against me

We sat there in a comfortable silence, before he finally decided to speak "It's over" his voice was thick with emotion as he squeezed me tighter

I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, but then again I also couldn't help but mentally do a happy dance at the fact that he was single again- for the time being.

Shane never took break ups well, no matter how long they lasted. He wasn't a man whore, he just fell too easily. He wanted to be wanted, he wanted to be loved, he wanted someone to show his love to.

Little did he know that I could be the girl. I wanted to be that girl- _so bad_.

I didn't say anything, I just waited for him to continue, I knew he would, he always did " I really liked her Mitch, I thought she was different from the rest, I thought she liked me for me- Shane, not Shane Gray the pop star. But guess not. Turns out as soon as she got her face plastered over a tabloid she had achieved her goal. Yet another girl using me to make some money"

My eyes never left his face as I watched the emotion in his face, his eyes glistening. I readjusted myself, sitting more upright as I reached over and placed a kiss on his cheek "You deserve so much better Shane, you deserve a girl who sees you as the amazing person I do"

Aka ME ME ME!

He sighed "I wish I was more like you" he admitted in a small voice

"What?! Why?" I was confused, why did he want to be anything like me, my life was dull, uneventful and as for my love life- completely nonexistent.

"Because you don't have relationship troubles, you don't need anyone"

Well gee Shane, thanks! Yes, because I want to die alone.

Not.

If you would open your eyes for one second you'd realise that I've been in love with you forever, your brothers know, your parents know, the whole fucking world knows.

I bit my lip slightly offended as I felt tears brim at my eyes, reminding me just how lonely my life was. I was pathetic, holding out on the hope that one day he'll love me like I love him.

"You think I like being alone?" I said softly, trying not to let the anger seep through. He sensed my change in tone as alarm spread across his face "No Mitch, that's not what I meant"

"well you made yourself pretty clear Shane" I stated bluntly as I wriggled out of his grip and rolled over, my back facing him, tears now slipping down my face "thanks for rubbing in the fact that nobody wants me." My voice cracked as I choked back the tears, I don't know why I was so sensitive tonight, but that just tipped me over the edge.

"Mitchie look at me" he pleaded softly, grabbing onto my shoulder as he attempted to turn me over as I continued to wriggle out of his grip "look. At. Me."

I reluctantly turned over, focusing my gaze on anything but his face, deciding the door was the best option, I continued to lay perfectly still as I let my emotions- once again, get the better of me.

I felt his calloused thumb brush against my skin as he pushed a strand of hair out of my face "why do you always do this to yourself Mitch? You're one of the strongest people I know, but then you always belittle yourself. Have you seen yourself Michelle, have you seen how gorgeous you are?"

I bit on my bottom lip harshly trying to contain the sob that was fighting to escape, that's right Shane, say things you don't actually mean to make me feel better. You tard.

"You really don't see it do you?" his tone changed from comforting to disbelief. He scooped me up into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head, I froze in his embrace, my skin breaking out in goose bumps, even though I was protected my flannelled pyjamas and a comforter.

"Mitch" he cooed "Any guy would be lucky to have someone like you, and those who don't, well they are stupid, blind and oblivious"

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he couldn't see me _well Mr Gray if that's true then why are you acting stupid, blind and oblivious?_

"Thanks Shane" I tried to reply as sincerely as I could, but truth be told I just wanted this conversation to end.

"You know you're my best friend right?" I nodded into his chest "Good" he placed a gentle kiss on my head before shifting himself so that we were now both laying down side by side

"Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" he asked his voice small

Before my brain could comprehend an answer the word yes had already left my lips. Not a wise move Mitchie

You + Shane + Close proximity= no.

"thanks Mitch" he whispered as he pulled me close, holding on to me as if I was a teddy bear "sweet dreams"

I mumbled an incoherent response as I closed my eyes, letting sleep over take me.

Three words

"Fuck my life."

-

* * *

I awoke the next morning, ready to face whatever crap the world wanted to throw at me today, after all there's not much going for me these days that can genuinely put a smile on my face. Rolling over, I expected to collide with a sleeping Shane, but my wishful thinking was always that- wishful. Instead I continued to roll over on to the now cold side of the bed where he was hours before.

My hand wandered up and down the mattress, my fingers drawing patterns on the sheets as I let my mind wander, imagining if I had woken up in his arms. But I wasn't dreaming anymore, I was awake and it's about time I let reality overcome me. With an exasperated sigh I hoisted myself out of bed, my somewhat lifeless body trudging its way over to my closet.

I slung on a pair of sweats and threw my hair up into a messy bun before I pounded down the stairs and into the kitchen, my stomach grumbling from my lack of eating over the past few hours.

"Hey Mitch" my attention was caught when I heard a familiar voice greet me as I reached the kitchen, my gaze meeting that of the remaining two Gray brothers, sitting at the table stuffing their face full of pancakes and bacon.

I nodded in acknowledgement as I opened the refrigerator , grabbing a carton of orange juice before plopping myself down at the table opposite them, noticing the absence of the middle Gray brother.

"Where's Shane?" I asked as I reached over grabbing a piece of bacon off of Nate's plate, stuffing it in my mouth. I raised my gaze to meet his, his eyes portraying annoyance as I innocently smiled at him. Nate simply rolled his eyes, now completely used to my habits, especially my love for eating everyone else's food before turning to my own

What? It seriously tastes better off of someone else's plate.

"Out for a run, or whatever."

That's right, of course he was. It's what he did every time things ended between a girl in him. He'd run, swim, cycle for hours on end until his body screamed in pain, literally to the extent where he'd come home, tears streaming down his face from the burning pain in his muscles. It was his way of distracting himself, it was almost as if the physical pain was masking the emotional turmoil he was experiencing.

I nodded, taking another swig out of the carton before realising something "Hold on- why are you guys here?"

Jason's eyes widened slightly "Why thanks Mitch, way to make us feel wanted."

"That's not what I meant, don't you guys need to go see your manager or whatever instead of eating the entire contents of my kitchen?"

"Thought we'd swing by and see how our favourite girl is doing, y'know making sure she hadn't lost her mind yet" Nate shot back light-heartedly

"Ha-ha very funny" I retorted sarcastically, no disrespect to Mr and Mrs Gray in the slightest, because yes they did produce three outrageously attractive and gentleman- like sons, but they weren't blessed with a good sense of humour.

If I'm honest, I've ate a burger more funny than the three of them combined.

Jason let out a slight chuckle before turning serious "We're not joking Mitch, you worry us"

I stopped mid chew and looked at them confused, why the hell were they worried about me? It wasn't like I was standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating jumping. I swallowed, opening my mouth to interrupt, when Nate continued

"You're bottling up all these thoughts and emotions Mitch, it's not good for you, you're holding yourself back from being truly happy. We've seen what you're like when you watch him with girl after girl and you're going to make yourself ill!"

I pushed myself off of my chair, walking over to the window, staring out onto the view, my back now facing them. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I hate them sometimes too. They too believed, like everyone else that Shane and I belonged together, that our friendship could never stay merely platonic, but unlike most of my other friends who knew when to back off, they pestered me, time after time.

I ran my hands through my hair as I muttered "Well at least I won't have to watch for a while" I turned around to inspect their perplexed expressions

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean Jason, it means the bitch has dumped his ass, another good for nothing piece of skirt built him up and knocked him down, yet again." My voice was blunt, harsh and annoyed. I wasn't angry at them, I could never be, but I was angry at those girls. The poor excuses of women who manipulate my best friend just to see their face on page 37 of people magazine.

"Well that's good then" Nate concluded, a small smile tugging at his lips

"How is it? How on earth is it?"

"Well now he's single."

"And unhappy" i retorted

"But he could be happy-" Jason began

"And will be when yet another floozy comes into his life"

"Mitch, why are you always so pessimistic about everything?"

"Because Nate, being optimistic has never gotten me anywhere, I've been optimistic about me and him for years and its caused me nothing but pain, I'd rather always think the worst than let myself get hurt yet again" I confessed, sitting back down "It's never going to happen guys, he may be my prince charming but I'll never be part of his happy ever after"

The pair exchanged glances, doing some weird brotherly communication before returning their gaze back to me, their face plastered with a shit eating grin

"...what?" I said cautiously, knowing they were up to no good.

silence

"seriously, what are you two shitheads planning?"

"Cinderella you're going to the ball!" Jason exclaimed excitedly, clapping his hands together like some sort of seal

Okay, either I momentarily went into a coma and missed out vital part of the conversation for Jason is talking complete shit.

I looked at Nate for help to see the same sense of excitement mirrored on his face "Shane is searching for the girl to fit his glass slipper, and you my dear Cinderella just need to be pushed in his direction"

"Its time to make a woman out of you"

_Oh god._

* * *

_**Well there you go there is the first proper chapter of Look after you, basically inspired by a mixture of lyrics by the fray and the Cab. Please review and tell me what you think, I have 20 reviews at the moment, I need 10 more before I update again**_


	3. Chapter 3

**I love you guys, like seriously 42 reviews in two chapters? That's incredible! You've made me one happy girl. Sooo If possible think you could get me to 60 by the next chapter, you would make my life! IMPORTANT: to those who read my other fic's updates are on the way, they are all half written or more!**

**-**

* * *

_Dear Cupid, _

_You fucking suck._

_Not only have you paired up with God to make my life as difficult as possible when it comes to Shane and my unrequited feelings, but now you've fucking recruited?!_

_Seriously, what's your deal?_

_Nate and Jason? I'm not trying to sound funny or anything but- you're a fucking loser. Like for real._

_Why people have your face on cards, I'll never know._

_I warn you and I warn you now, whatever plan you've got formulating up your metaphorical sleeve, it better be a good one, because mark my word, I will cut you up._

_Much love?_

_Not really,_

_Mitchie._

So they want to make a woman out of me? Well all I can say is that's very direct of them, especially with those silver bands situated on their fingers. The least they could do is take me to dinner first...

Okay so my sarcasm isn't appreciated?

Oh well I _am_ sorry, forgive me from thinking that whatever these two troublemakers have got planned is going to be anything but successful.

But then again, it was only polite to humour them- right? It's not like I had anything better planned, well I did; and it could be seen as rape. So for the sake of a potential jail sentence, I'll give my 'brothers' the benefit of the doubt.

So here I was, sitting in my bedroom, door locked, contained within four walls with two thirds of the biggest musical sensation since...well I would say the Beatles...but c'mon they're the fucking Beatles.

But Connect 3 are big in the music world, with millions of underage tweenies proclaiming their love to them on a minutely basis via various means of communication.

But they don't let that get to their head they...'keep it real' yeah you heard me, I went there.

I had been sitting on my bed, plotting multiple ways of escaping this form of torture for over an hour now, when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of my phone going off.

Oh thank the lord.

Saved by... soundtrack to friends. God bless you chandler Bing.

Nate and Jason both froze, as they pulled out clothes left right and centre from my closet and dresser, 'assessing' my fashion sense.

Like fuck they know ANYTHING about fashion

Can I just mention the boots Jason's wearing right now...

Yes, thank you. Point proven.

"It's Shane" I exclaimed happily, but then again of course I'd exclaim happily.

They simply shrugged as they continued to raid my room as I brought the phone to my ear.

"Yo Home slice, how's it hanging?" I greeted feigning the best rapper accent I could, but if I'm honest I think I sounded more Indian.

I heard a soft chuckle on the other end of the line "I'm good babe, although I'm confused as to why you've locked me out of the house, and stolen my spare keys" he paused and gasped "Michelle Torres, do you have a _guy_ in there?!"

I didn't answer, instead coughing in disbelief at his ludicrous accusation.

"Oh my god you _do_ don't you?"

Nate and Jason's heads whipped around as the eyed me confused. I sighed, there was no use denying it, after all I did have a guy in my room, actually make that two.

"Oh Okay you caught me. I do, I have company, but saying I have a guy would be wrong"

"W-what?! Mitchie what are you saying... a girl..."

"No you fucking dickwad. God." I muttered "I actually have two guys..."

"WHAT?!" he shrieked "M-"

I cut him off, knowing that I had triggered his curiosity, and trust me there was nothing more amusing than leaving Shane with half a story.

Seriously, try it out sometime, it's an easy laugh.

"Sorry Shane but I'm a little preoccupied, don't come back anytime soon, bye" I hung up before I could get a reply.

I threw the phone beside me and looked up to see both brothers' arms crossed looking at me dead in the eyes

"What?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelids a few times

"What exactly does Shane think you're doing?" Nate asked, trying to keep a straight face

"Well he thinks' I've got the _company_ of two gentlemen"

"MITCHIE!" Jason scolded

"what I only confirmed his question, its his mind if he thinks I'm getting up to no good, beside's play the game Jay, just you wait till later, seeing him will be hilarious, just don't tell him it was you"

They both rolled their eyes nodding, it was a universally known fact that annoying Shane was our favourite past time, why let an opportunity like this just slip through our fingers?

I rubbed my hands together "So my fashionista's what exactly are you doing?"

"Clearing out your wardrobe" Jason stated simply as my eyes widened

"WHAT NO!?" I hoisted myself off the bed and scrambled to the closet, grabbing any items of clothing in their hands harshly "these are my babies, I spent hard earned cash on all of this, you can't just throw them away, its all I have" I protested, my voice getting higher and higher

Nate rested a hand on my shoulder "Mitch, err you have millionaires as friends, we will buy you new clothes"

I pulled away, literally shoving Nate out of my personal space "you will do no such thing!" I was proud. Sue me. Sure I had let Shane just sit back and pay my rent but that's where it ended. This, well this would be crossing the line.

I was not a charity case.

I earned my possessions slogging my guts out at a dead end restaurant and that's how I liked it.

" I won't let you, you guys do enough for me as it is"

"Mitchie we are buying you new clothes and that's final, one more word protesting about it and I'll tell Shane you want to have your wicked way with him"

I clamped my mouth shut,

Nice move Nate.

The correct buttons were pressed.

"Good I'm glad you comply, no offence Mitch but your clothes- they suck"

Okay so maybe fashion wasn't my strong point, and yes maybe shopping is more like a chore to me than something I actually gain pleasure from, but do not and I repeat do not diss anything to do with me.

I eyed up the numerous pairs of tattered jeans being thrown in rubbish bags followed by sweat shirt after sweatshirt. Okay he was right, they do suck.

Man I was really stuck in 2004.

Once they had finished I was left with the total of one pair of jeans, a pair of sweats and 3 tops, that's including what I was wearing right now.

I gulped harshly as I followed the pair out the house, carrying numerous rubbish sacks full to capacity with my clothing and left it out on the porch for garbage collection tomorrow.

The car journey to the mall consisted of Jason's nonstop rambling about his girlfriend – Keisha, admittedly she was one of the nicest girls I had ever met, but seriously, if I had to here one more word about how beautiful she was or what an amazing kisser she was I would happily burst my own ear drums.

We pulled up into the car park just over 10 minutes later, pumped up and ready to go. Well they were, i wasn't, for me this was torture. So as I revenge I was going to make sure Nate's American express was maxed out by the end of the day.

Let the fun begin

-

* * *

"There is no way in hell I am wearing _that!_" I exclaimed, eyeing up a pair of bright pink skinny jeans Jason was holding up

"Dude, put the back, mitchie is not a Barbie or a piece of bubble gum" Nate retaliated, scrunching up his face in disgust

We had been shopping for little over three hours by now and I was beyond fed up with having to remove my clothes a million times to try on different things. I may as well just walk around naked.

It would be so much more easier.

If not a little indecent.

But who cares.

Convenience is more important.

"Well you find something better then" Jason challenged as he sat down on a seat in defeat. Nate simply nodded before raking through rail after rail of expensive clothes

"What about this?" I turned around to face Nate who was holding up the, admittedly, most gorgeous little black dress I had ever seen.

"Woah" I muttered

"Woah indeed, now even I think you'd look hot in that, and I have a girlfriend" Jason mumbled as his eyes still remained on the dress

"Like it Mitch?" Nate asked

"I- I love it"

"Good, its yours, right lets go pay"

Oh Nathaniel Gray, how I do love you.

-

* * *

My stomach rumbled as I clutched my side, no joke this shopping till you drop shit builds up quite the appetite, come to think of it, I don't think I even got the chance to eat this morning before I was held hostage in my room by the crazed Gray brothers.

Minus Shane of course.

Because I certainly wouldn't mind being held hostage in my bedroom with him.

Mmm yeah.

I watched as Nate entered his pin into the card machine for the millionth time today as I took hold of the bag, sighing loudly

"Guysssssss" I whined cocking my head to the side whilst batting my eyelashes repeatedly, causing them to look at me "I'm hungry" I stuck out my bottom lip.

Both of them rolled their eyes as Nate stuck his Platinum American express card into his wallet "C'mon then. Let's eat, I think you've had enough retail therapy for a day"

"More like life time" I retorted, it was true. Such. An. Effort.

We trekked past numerous shops until we reached the food court, the smell of various foods filling my senses automatically, what can I say? I loved food, and luckily for me, I could stuff my face all day long and never put on an ounce.

Lucky bitch?

Hell yeah I am.

"Oh oh! Please can we eat there!" I said pointing to a cafe in the style of a 60's diner, with the most amazing decor.

Actually I lie, I wasn't paying attention to the decor in the slightest, I was just eyeing up that kids chocolate milkshake.

That is one sexy milkshake.

I'm having one.

End of story.

I didn't give the boys chance to answer as I sped off in front of them claiming the nearest table available and grabbing the menu.

My mouth literally watered as I admired absolutely everything they had to offer

"So what are you having Mitch?" Jason asked as he eyed the menu quickly

"Ohh order me the biggest chocolate shake you can buy, I'm not joking if you come back with a measly sized one, I will not be amused" I shot a sweet smile as Jason told Nate he wanted and went into the diner.

"So Mitchie, do you like your stuff?"

I nodded, even if some things were a little out of my comfort zone- or a lot, I remained polite, they had spent a lot of money on me today and I was grateful, this new image would just take a while to get used to

" I do"

"Good"

"But you really shouldn't have spent so much on me..."

"Nonsense Mitch, you have been our rock over the years, the three of us couldn't ask for a better friend, its about time we show out gratitude towards you. And trust me, if Nate had his say, he'd spend all our millions on you. Don't tell him I told you, but he adores you, like literally you are his god."

I smiled, as I saw Nate approach us with a tray full of food, my mouth watering at the sight

"FOOOD!" I exclaimed as I clapped my hands together like an excitable kid "food, food, food"

Nate rolled his eyes as he sat down "Yes Mitchie, food"

I said thank you and grabbed my milkshake, admiring its chocolaty goodness

"So Nate now we've discussed the Jason's oh so perfect and my corrupt nonexistent love lives, what's going on in the world of Nathaniel Gray?" I asked, curiously "Got any more lady friends stashed away from prying eyes?"

It was no secret that Nate was a success with the ladies, come to think of it, I'm pretty sure he had more bra's and underwear thrown at him by females on average than Shane. There was so competition between them, and c'mon of course Shane was still, undeniably, the most gorgeous thing to grace the plant- ever, BUT-

And I say 'but' with emphasis

Have you seen the youngest gray brother recently?

Okay let me rephrase that- Have you seen the youngest gray brother topless recently?

He, is, hot.

And yes, I know he is jailbait

And yes he is practically a brother figure

But I'm not dumb nor am I blind; therefore saying that Nate is hot is merely stating fact.

But back to the matter in hand- Nate had had a string of girlfriends and female acquaintances in his seventeen years, yet he was never lucky in love. He could keep a girl, unlike Shane, and girls genuinely liked him, unlike Shane, but in the end it always ended bad

Why?

Because when it came to that point in their relationship where cuddling and kissing seemed a little too...tame, Nate lost them.

He much like his brothers respected his morals, his vows to god and his parents that he would stay pure until marriage- or at least until he had met and settled down with the person he was sure he'd spend the rest of his life with, and he wasn't going to give it up for someone who had satisfied his boyish wants for the past couple of months

So they dropped him.

Or he dropped them

He was a complete gentleman, only adding to the long list of why I love Nathaniel Gray.

He shifted in his chair a little, biting his bottom lip out of hesitation as the silent seconds ticked past "Err, not really, I think I'm going to give the whole dating scene a miss for a while, y'know, focus on the music, we're going on tour soon, any relationship I try and pursue will only get destroyed the moment I step foot off of American soil."

I nodded, he was right; their tour was only 6 weeks away, their world tour.

Visiting 6 out of the 7 continents.

Playing over 50 venues

Commencing January 3rd.

That's right January 3rd

My birthday.

Nice, aye?

Yeah.

But it wasn't their fault, Shane had tried his hardest to postpone the tour for a day but their manger wouldn't have it, it wasn't seen as a viable reason, nice to know I'm not that important.

And sure I was angry for a little bit....okay, so I ignored the three of the for three days, but it was their job, I should have expected and accepted things like this, it was beyond their power, and I wasn't going to get in their way of living the dream.

I opened my mouth ready to speak when my phone vibrated violently against the metal table. I picked it up, looking at the sender ID- Shane. I smiled as I pressed the open message button, yet that smile fell a little as soon as I read the message.

_Won't be back till late Mitch, got a date, but unlike you I'm letting you know. Secrets aren't cool babes. Love you regardless x_

I sighed setting my cell down on the table and grabbing my chocolate milkshake quickly, forcing the straw into my mouth as I took a large sip.

"Lover boy?" Nate asked, as I only nodded, continuing to fill myself up with comforting calories.

"Mmhmm. He's got a date."

Jason rolled his eyes "seriously what's it been 48 hours?"

"Yep" I said popping the 'p' "and this surprises you why?"

"Because he seemed so torn up about it"

It was my turn to roll my eyes "when you're Shane Gray rebound girls are around every corner. Every girl is a rebound girl for him. When will he realise that none of them are good enough for him!"

I was standing tall on my soap box sounding like a complete hypocrite, and I didn't care

"And you are?" Jason retorted. Not in a harsh way mind, just more...intrigued.

I sighed, throwing my head back "no, of course I'm not. I never will be. But" I let out a frustrated returning my gaze to the boys, looking utterly defeated "they just don't see him how I see him. They don't get to see him outside the Hollywood bubble, the Shane you and me see. They don't understand that he doesn't live for the glitz and glamour, but for the simple things. None have ever ventured into seeing the other side of Shane, the sunset loving, long walk embarking Shane that I've known all my life. I may not be what he deserves but no one could ever love him as much as I do"

I didn't realise I had gone off on one, my emotions getting the better of me as I just rambled out everything that had been building up inside me. Sure Nate and Jason knew I liked him, they pretty much figured that out when everyone else did years ago, but never have I professed my love for him like that.

I didn't like wearing my heart on my sleeve. End of.

Nate's hand reached over the table as he placed it softly upon mine, giving it a slight squeeze, forcing me to look at him, his eyes sympathetic and soft.

"I'm sorry" I quickly apologised, gulping down the rest of my milkshake, hiding my gaze.

"Mish" Jason urged, god I hated it when he called me that. "You, you _love_ him? Like in love?"

I rolled my eyes "No jay I fucking hate him and currently planning his assassination, yes of course I fucking do!" I bit my lip as I realised my sudden increase in volume, not wanting to create any unnecessary attention I lowered my head so that my bangs was now covering my face completely

"We didn't know you actually in love with him Mitch, we just thought it was one of those uncontrollable crushes" I looked up to see Nate shooting me a sad expression as he rubbed circles on the back of hand.

I shrugged, trying to pass it off as no big deal, but it didn't work. It didn't convince them and it certainly didn't convince myself. "It doesn't matter the extent of my feelings towards him guys, it's not like I'm ever going to get to act on them"

Jason let out a frustrated cry, slamming his hands down on the table slightly, making both me and Nate jump out of our seats a little "God Mitchie, stop it. Please just, stop."

I Shot him a confused look, stop what?

"Stop being so goddamn pessimistic about everything, if you really love him you wouldn't just sit back and do nothing, so you obviously don't love him"

"What?!" I spat out angry, no one and I repeat no one can tell me what I'm apparently feeling, not even Jason Gray. I think I know a little more about myself than he does thank you very much. "I do! How dare you say that!" I narrowed my eyes, now majorly pissed at the eldest gray.

"Well then fucking show it Mitch. Take a risk for once in your life, stop being so adamant on not getting your happy ever after. It's about time you forget about being the independent all the time, put yourself out there, and make him see what he's missing. Jesus Mitch even if things never work out, you can't die alone and you'll never know what could have been if you don't try" Jason finished his irritated rant panting, his face slightly red as his eyes bore into mine, making me squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

He was right

I nodded, gulping "You're right" I kept nodding, no head bobbing up and down like some nodding dog in the back of a car " You're fucking right Jay"

"Well, obviously." he said bluntly.

Ah bless those oversized egos.

"And we're going to help you, today was only the beginning, trust me if he doesn't want to bang you by the end of this, there's some serious injustice going on" Nate finished as Jason scrunched up his face

"Dude can you not put the mental image of my best friend and my brother getting frisky in my head thanks."

I let out a slight laugh as I watched Jay try and mentally wipe that image out of his head- poor guy, for being nearly 22; he could still be so naive some times.

We sat in silence as the guys finished off their burgers before heading back to the car, all three of us now exhausted from the gruelling trek from store to store.

I slumped into the back seat as Nate threw bag after bag after bag on top of me, burying me under the numerous garments I had been treated to over the past few hours.

"You know I'm really grateful for today guys" I said sincerely, and I was, I wasn't happy when I found out that they had collectively spent over a $1000 on me, but if you have rock star best friends the occasional treat is acceptable- I guess.

"It's no problem Mitch, just remember that Keisha is coming over in the morning to sort out your hair and make up and girly shit like that so make sure you're ready. Me and Nate will be coming over with her to kidnap Shane for the day; after all we don't want him catching wind on what's happening just yet"

"Make over?" I gulped

"Yep, you'll love it"

Oh fuck my life.

-

* * *

I swung open the door, picking up the numerous bags full's of clothes and shoe's I had acquired over the past few hours, as I tried to push myself through the door.

No joke

Shopping was a chore. Yes the occasional purchase of a new garment is somewhat refreshing but after trying on item after item, in colour after colour, it gets old.

Like seriously old.

I hiked up the stairs, my arms feeling heavy as a throbbing pain shot up and down them- see shopping is painful too!

I finally reached my room, my breathing heavy as I dropped the bags to the ground with some loud thud.

I clenched and unclenched my hands, trying to regain the feeling in them as I made my way over to my closet, trying to find something warm and comfortable out of the little clothes I had remaining which still didn't have the price tag on. I pulled out my trusty pair of grey sweats and my Michigan state hoodie my cousin had sent me and slung it on, the layers providing instant warmth.

Exhaling deeply I walked over to my iPod on its and pressed shuffle before making my way over to the numerous bags, ready to put away the aesthetic items that will apparently contribute to Shane falling for me.

_Manage me, I'm a mess  
turn a page, I'm a book half unread  
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because  
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough  
but I'm stuck in this fucking rut  
waiting on a second hand pick me up_

_Oh don't you just hate it when a relatable song comes on? Fucking typical aye? Rub it in why don't you, rub it in._

_and I'm over, getting older  
if I could just find the time  
then I would never let another day go by  
I'm over, getting old!_

_and maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year  
and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
and this is my reaction to everything I fear  
'cus I've been going crazy I don't wanna waste another minute here_

_make believe that I impress, that every word by design turns a head  
I wanna feel reckless, wanna live it up just because  
I wanna feel weightless 'cus that would be enough  
if I could just find the time  
then I would never let another day go by  
I'm over, getting old!_

_And maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year!  
and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
and this is my reaction, to everything I fear  
'cus I've been going crazy I don't wanna waste another minute here_

_this could be all I've waited for  
and this could be everything I don't wanna dream anymore_

_and maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year  
and I've been going crazy I'm stuck in here  
and maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year  
and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere  
and this is my reaction to everything I fear  
'cus I've been going crazy I don't wanna waste another minute here_

I found myself agreeing with the lyrics, I wasn't just going to sit back any longer and watch life pass me by, I was going to get my ass in gear and do something.

Well after I've finished putting these clothes away and had a nap.

We don't want to have a messy room and be sleep deprived now do we?

Nooooooo.

-

* * *

I awoke from my nap several hours later feeling significantly refreshed and in a better mindset as I rolled off of bed, stretching my limbs in the process. I glanced at the clock noticing it was little over 11pm, I really needed to get my sleep in some sort of regulated pattern before I wilt away and die from lack of sleep.

I trotted downstairs absentmindedly, the complete silence of the apartment sending a chill down my spine. I crossed my arms over my chest as I made my way through the living room and into the entertainment room.

Aka room with piano and TV.

I sat down on the leather stool as I rested my fingers against the cold keys, my mind telling my hands what to keys to press as I began to play a melody. Playing was always my form of venting my emotions when I couldn't tell Shane, my way of expressing exactly how I'm feeling, and right now I was feeling lonely,

Lonely and a little bit cold.

But what can I say, that's what you get when you live in New York and it just happens to be mid November.

I sighed as I got lost in the music, my mind now focused on the melody I had formulated in my head one night a few weeks back. I was so engrossed I didn't notice the time fly by, I didn't notice the door open and I didn't notice the presence of my roommate behind me.

Yet I did notice when he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

I did notice when he rest his chin on my shoulder watching my fingers every move.

I did notice his hot breath hitting my skin causing my skin to break out in goose bumps.

I continued to play, trying not to make my discomfort noticeable.

Well it wasn't so much of discomfort more of shock.

Sure he did this all the time, our friendship was full of close encounters, actions that to others could be interpreted as pushing the normal platonic boundaries, but now more than ever it made my body tense.

Didn't he realise this isn't what friends did? That such a simple action had this effect on me?

Oh god, could he feel my erratic heart rate?

"H-hi" I managed to croak out, my playing coming to a halt.

"Why hello there miss luvva luvva, why are we up at 1;30 am? Its way past your bed time pretty lady"

"Not tired, I took a nap earlier" I replied, my eyes fixated on the keys still.

"Oh the good ole post-sex nap, nothing better" he chimed, causing me to break from his embrace and off of the stool

"What?!" I furrowed my eyebrows in conclusion, looking at Shane, and mentally thanking his impeccable fashion sense and how his skinny jeans were currently showing off his killer legs (and ass, if he turned around.)

"Oh don't act all innocent on me, you told me you had male company, and there is no logical reason for locking me out of the apartment besides you having a little sexy time...." he expression let off no inkling of how he was feeling about his supposed theory, "Sooo...do I know him? Would I approve, how long have you been seeing him? Why didn't you tell me... Oh my god is it because he's married? Mitchie is he married, because if he is I will have to kill the fucker..."

"STOP!" I shouted, interrupting Shane's ramble, Shane silenced, pursing his lips tightly together "Firstly, what would you know about post-sex naps, or sex for that matter virgin boy. Secondly if you recall I do hold the same morals as you do, therefore I too am a virgin. And kill? Seriously Shane a fly could beat you in a fight"

His mouth fell open as he mocked offense "I could SO beat a fly" he flexed his arms,

Mmm arms.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night Shane"

"So, if you weren't sexing up some guy then what the hell was going on?" his expression changed as his first and probably only theory was crushed

"I was with some male company, and then they left...I just wanted some time to myself, then I went out to the mall"

His eyes widened "_YOU? The mall?" _utter disbelief evident in his voice

"Err yeah, why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because you _hate_ the mall, you don't go unless completely necessary."

"That is so not true!" well it is, but I'm stubborn and I can't let Shane win whatever pointless argument we were currently having- not yet anyway

"Oh Mitch it so is. Whenever I ask you to come along with me you make up every excuse under the sun to get out of it; just so you know, I don't believe you had swine flu that time I wanted to go and buy a tux for that Tom Cruise movie premiere"

"Okay fine, whatever Shane I haven't got the energy to argue with you" he let a smug grin spread across his face as he pulled me into a side hug

"Yay I win, i am the champion of the world!"

i rolled my eyes, he was so childish.

"So how was your date with...."

"Emily. And it was good, great actually, we went out for Italian and I took her through central park, it was like the perfect date Mitch, like the shit you see in movies"

Well I fucking hate movies now; why? Because of the false, unrealistic outlook they have on falling in love. Its cliché, perfect and will never happen to me.

Well it could

But until cupid and god decide to through me a rope, I'm stuck in this invisible hole screaming my love for Shane in the hopes of him saving me.

"That's really great Shane, I'm happy you had a nice evening"

"Thanks princess, "

"How did you guys meet?" I asked curiosity getting the better of me, I mean the amount of girls he had gone through recently, he had always met them in different locations.

"Supermarket, locked eyes in the frozen food aisle"

Oh god pass me the sick bucket now, like seriously I want to hurl

Is this for real?

Oh god, am I actually in one of those shitty movies? If so where the hell is Ashton Kutcher and why haven't we banged yet?

"Oh..." lost for words Mitchie? Why yes self, yes I am. "That's nice Shane"

I faked a yawn, stretching my arms above my head quickly "I think I'm going to hit the hay"

"Ohhh Mitchieeeeeeee!" he whined "I'm not tired, and I haven't spend any time with you in ages! Stop being such a stranger!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, damn my lack of stubbornness and willpower when he sticks out his bottom lip. "Fine"

"Yesss!" he hissed throwing his fist in the air "Movie marathon! You pick the film, I'll go get changed, get the covers and get snacks!" he jumped up and down like an over excited kid before bolting up the stairs at record speed.

Where he got all that energy from is beyond me.

I trudged over to the DVD stack, my eyes scanning up and down the pile for something, anything that wont remind me of who suckish my love life is. My eyes landed on juno- perfect, a bit of comedy never did anyone any harm

I pulled the DVD from the pile as Shane entered the room, arms full of snacks and a duvet. He threw everything on the sofa, now letting me eye up his choice of night attire.

Oh not fair.

Not fair.

My eyes quickly ran up and down his body, acknowledging full well the tight black vest top he was wearing with red shorts.

My throat went dry as I reluctantly removed my eyes from his abs up to his face

"So what we watching Mitchie-Moo!?"

I held up the case

"Juno? Mitch we saw that last week, can we watch..." he pondered thought for a second " Oh can we watch the notebook I've never seen it"

My eyes widened "Oh. My. God you haven't seen the notebook?"

He shook his head

"Then by all means Shane Gray, tonight you are getting note booked."

"Is that something kinky?"

"No Shane."

-

* * *

The movie wasn't even half way through before I felt my eyelids begin to feel heavy. Both Shane and I were now snuggled under the duvet on the coach, my head lying on his lap as he absentmindedly ran his hands through my hair whilst deeply engrossed in the film...

I must have fallen asleep as I woke up sometime later, feeling Shane's body jerk under mine. I opened my eyes slowly, my senses coming back to life as I heard sniffling. I glanced at the TV to see the scene I had expected to scene- the final one.

I rolled over to get a better look at him, his eyes blotchy and glistening

"Shane, are you...crying?" I asked semi amused

"N-no!" he croaked "No!"

A few seconds passed silently as I thought he may have fallen asleep, well, that was until a sob escaped his lips

"Its just so sad! I mean they love each other so much and they die and-" another sob broke out as I pursed my lips together trying to suppress my laughter

"Its just a movie Shane"

"Just a movie? Mitchie that love is real, people love like that, I-it's just s-s-so sad"

I rolled my eyes, "Shane its okay" I rubbed my hand up and down his leg as I tried to sooth him

"But-but—"

"Shane, shhhh, I want to sleep" I said closing my eyes as I nestled closer to him

"You're no fun"

"But you love me" I mumbled as I drifted into unconsciousness

* * *

_If only she knew the half of it._

* * *

**So there you go, there is chapter 3!its a long one, isn't it? I impressed myself. So I'm now at college and after toying with quitting fan fiction all together I have decided that I love it too much to give in.**

**So review, the more reviews I get, the longer the chapters, the faster the updates**

**You get it.**

**60 reviews please?**

**Much love.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys, I know I've been AWOL for quite some time now and you have no idea how sorry I am. I've had a lot of crap on my plate recently and I've seriously lacked the motivation to get through a day let alone write. But I'm here and I'm back. I saw JB on nov 21st, met them at the sound check so I'm pretty happy. can i just say that nick is really short, joe is a god, and kevin, man did i under estimate that man. just wow.  
**

**If any of you want to follow me on twitter its /xolp**

**-

* * *

**

If I'm honest with you I like myself. Well at least appearance wise. I'd like to think that I'm tolerable to look at.

I mean c'mon it's not like I'm a super model or anything. I don't have guys falling at my feet left, right and centre but I'm not a troll.

Well at least...I hope not.

I guess that's up to personal opinion.

But now I'm here sitting in my living room, surrounded by boxes upon boxes of make-up, hair products and styling items, some of which I had never seen before in my life.

And to be frank, it's all a little excessive.

"Seriously Keisha, you don't have to do this" I said as she rummaged through one of the bags. She spun around to look at me, a pair of scissors in one hand and a simple comb in the other

"Nonsense, I want to help, we've got to show that blind best friend of yours what the hell he's missing"

Now the thing is, even though I would willingly do practically anything to win the affections of my Mr right- Shane Gray, I'm reluctant to change myself to suit him.

"Err what are you going to do with those?" I asked pointing to the pair of scissors with wide eyes

She rolled her eyes "Cut your hair of course, silly. What did you think I was going to do?"

Stab me? Put me out of my misery?

"I don't know..."I replied sheepishly , readjusting myself on this godforsaken uncomfortable stool.

Dear Shane,

No offence but when you go shopping for furniture next time, please choose comfort over style. Otherwise I will chop you up and make you into Shane cushions.

Yours sincerely,

Mitchie's throbbing back.

Keisha clapped her hands together enthusiastically before coming behind me, running her hands through my wet hair "Okay, now you've got to trust me, I know what I'm doing, alright?"

I nodded, still feeling anxious that I was about to say goodbye to all my locks and for it to be replaced with a hair style a poodle would even be ashamed to model.

Not that I was calling Keisha crap at cutting hair. Because that's her job, she knows what she's doing.

But I can't help but think that her body and mind will be taken over by aliens whilst she is making me over.

"Great!" she exclaimed cheerfully as she started sectioning my hair, pinning various bits up.

I sat there, flicking through the first gossip magazine I had picked up from the store earlier, not bothering to read the articles.

I was in it for the pictures. Who wasn't?

I know, that theoretically as a best friend of three international music sensations that I should steer clear from the forms of media that slate them on a daily basis. But C'mon! This one had zac efron on the front.... near enough naked!

If I can't have nearly naked Shane gray, then I'll have nearly naked second- best zac efron.

After admiring Efron's six pack sculptured by the gods themselves, I came across a page that made me freeze and tense up.

'_Shane's new flavour of the week- and we like her!'_

Oh fuck my life.

Really, just fuck it.

My eyes scanned the double page spread as I stared at numerous photos of their pair looking lovey dovey around central park and at some fancy restaurant. They looked so perfect, it makes me want to hurl a little.

I took in the appearance of Shane's latest 'flavour', almost disgusted at how pretty she was. She was everything I wasn't. She was tall, blonde and beautiful.

Great. Looks like we've got ourselves a plastic on our hands.

All beauty, no brains no doubt.

Keisha must have noticed my staring/ lack of movement as she spoke up "oh I'm sorry love, but if I'm honest with you, it won't last"

I shrugged "why not?" I asked, still looking at the smile on Shane's face, that was a smile people other than me and his brothers rarely ever saw, it was a genuine smile. It was the smile I was in love with.

"Oh c'mon just look at her, she's staring at the camera in practically every single picture, she's a fame whore. Either that or she's really vain. Besides I'm always going to say it won't last because he's destined to be with you"

I sighed dejectedly "As much as I want her to just be another fame whore, I want Shane to have someone that makes him happy and won't ultimately break his heart. "

"And that's going to be you Mitchie. Look I'm not just saying this because I know you like him and you're both my friends. I'm saying it because it's what we all think. I've been in your lives for a while now and the first thing that I thought when I met you and Shane was that you were a couple. Seriously, together you look aesthetically perfect and when I got to know you was even more certain of my first impression. But when I found out that he wasn't with you, I simply couldn't understand it. You were so close, you had the whole 'love sick' look going on. He may not see it now, and he may not for a while, but you guys are destined for one another, and my god if you two don't live happily ever after and make gorgeous babies we are living in one fucked up world."

Even though Keisha couldn't see my reaction, I lowered my gaze slightly, not knowing whether or not I should smile or cry at her mini speech. Me and Shane looked perfect together?

And gorgeous babies? I don't need the mental image of making those 'gorgeous' babies in my head. Not now. I don't fancy dwelling on how shit my life currently was.

The silence between us continued a little longer as I shut the magazine and threw it to the floor, no longer wanting to look at the stunning blonde currently stealing Shane's affections.

"Don't we all get to meet this fame-whore plastic bitch tonight at the premiere anyway?" Keisha spoke up after a while, breaking the tense atmosphere.

"Oh that's right...the premiere. Fun" I said, far from enthused. If I'm honest, going to a star studded movie premiere was the last thing on my mind, especially when _she_ would be all over him.

"Oh c'mon Mitchie sound a little more enthused. I know you're not going with the Gray brother you want, but Nate is still a catch, seriously if I was a couple of years younger that kid would have to watch his back." Her voice became hushed "seriously have you seen that boy's abs? I've been trying to get Jason to work out more, I want a set of those bad boys."

I squinted my eyes shut, mental images entering my brain "Please, they are practically my brothers!"

She laughed "you can't deny it though!"

"Maybe not, but I don't understand why Nate wanted me to go with him in the first place, there's several girls his age who would bite off a limb just to be draped on that boy's arm for the evening."

Keisha stopped snipping away at my hair for a moment "Mitch, they love you. All three of them love you, and so do I, it wouldn't be a night out if you weren't there. Nate wanted you to be his date for the night. Remember when he had a soft spot for you?" I groaned as she reminded me of the events of about 6 months ago when I had an admirer in the form of Nathaniel Gray. Don't get me wrong, I was flattered and if he was anyone else I would have probably given him a shot but he wasn't. He was Nate gray, practically my brother, in a completely non related way. Anything romantic occurring with him would simply feel like incest.

Even if he was the hottest seventeen year old around. But don't tell anyone I said that. I'm not a paedophile.

"He did have it pretty bad for me didn't he?"

"Pretty bad?" she repeated "Pretty bad? God Mitchie, I'll never forget the time he serenaded you outside your window at 3am!"

I snorted out a laugh "Oh god that was so shameful. He had travelled in his new mustang all the way over to our apartment and sang me their new song. I can't listen to 'please be mine' in the same way again."

Keisha too burst out into laughter "Oh so funny. Shane went mental at Nate. They were good times"

I shook my head "times I never want to relive"

Keisha put down the scissors and scurried over to her bag of hair products, pulling out a bottle of serum and a tin of hair wax before attacking my hair with the products, nearly suffocating me with the fumes in the process.

"Okay stage one: Hair, complete. Now clothes! I want to see everything you brought yesterday, everything. We need to find something for tonight that will knock some sense into Shane"

I rolled my eyes "fine" I hoisted myself off of the uncomfortable stool, stretching my limbs as I tried to regain the feeling in my lower back before dragging myself up the stairs, Keisha in tow. I showed her all of the clothes I had purchased yesterday, which to be honest was my entire wardrobe besides a few items, as she inspected each piece.

"Wow, the boys spent a fortune on you yesterday by the looks of it" she observed

"Yeah I told them not to but those boys are freaking stubborn"

"Oh my... you are wearing this!" she exclaimed excitedly as she pulled out a dress from the closet. I look at her choice of attire, impressed, after all it was one of my favourite pieces I had picked up yesterday and admittedly the most expensive. It was a simple emerald green bodycon dress, which rested a couple of inches above my knees. At first I was hesitant, thinking it was too revealing, yet when I tried it on it was as if I was a different person. I never showed off any skin unnecessarily, but I couldn't help but gawp at my legs, and admire my impressive cleavage.

I nodded, happy with her choice as she pulled out the pair of matching heels I had also got. I looked at the clock, it was already nearly 5, the boys would be here in less than an hour and a half...well Jason and Nate would, Shane had to pick up fame whore on the way.

"Right you go put that on, I'll go get my dress on, and then I'll do your makeup, okay?" I simply agreed, no point saying anything else as I knew I wouldn't win. I slipped on the dress, smoothing it out, as I resisted the temptation to look in the mirror.

I wasn't allowed to look in the mirror until my 'makeover' was complete.

I made my way back down stairs to find Keisha already dressed to impress in a stunning floor length red dress, highlighting her olive skin to perfection. She was gorgeous, I had always thought that, it was no wonder why Jason fell in love with her, she had the whole package, brains, beauty and a personality of a saint.

"You look great Kay!" I complimented, sitting myself down on the uncomfortable stool once more

"Thank you" she smiled warmly "You look amazing in that dress, I wish I had your figure"

"Oh sh." I brushed off the comment. The next half an hour or so involved applying numerous pieces of makeup to my face, brushes here, poked with eye pencils there. I had always worn makeup, I rarely left the house with none on, but never had I put so much effort or time than Keisha currently was. Was I really in need for that much makeup.

"All done!" Keisha exclaimed, stepping back to look at me as she 'awed' "Mitchy babes, you look incredible. Seriously"

I shot her a toothy smile "well it's all thanks to you"

"You're right , I am a genius" she joked,

"Always the modest one aren't you?"

There was a knock on the door signalling that Nate and Jason were here. Keisha shot me an excited smile "Go in the Kitchen, I don't want them to see you just yet" I rolled my eyes as we both got up, myself making my way to the kitchen whilst she answered the door to the guys"

"Why hello fine gentlemen, why aren't you looking rather dapper this evening" Keisha said in a false British accent, letting the two of them inside before shutting the door behind them.

"Thank you, where is my girl?" Nate asked "I mean, my date for tonight on a completely platonic level"

"Patience my dear boy" Keisha laughed "Now, as you know today has been dedicated into making Mitchie even more gorgeous than she already was, so please boys don't have a heart attack when you see her, I don't want the death of 2/3's of connect three resting on my shoulders thanks."

"Yes ma'am!" Jason exclaimed as I smiled. God I loved that boy.

"So without any further a due I'd like to introduce to you Mitchie!" I took that as my queue to leave the kitchen and make my way into the hallway, trying my hardest not to stumble in my three inch heels in the process. I smiled meekly at the boys, still unaware of what I actually look liked as their mouths fell open, and their eyes widened

"Oh my...god" Nate muttered in utter shock, hopefully good shock "Mitchie you look...wow...you look incredible"

Jason nodded enthusiastically "You do! Wow!"

I blushed, feeling a little embarrassed, "thanks?"

"Oh that's right!" Keisha exclaimed "You haven't even seen yourself yet have you!" she gave me a gentle nudge towards the mirror as I took in my appearance for the first time in hours

"no way" I whispered, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, this wasn't me, I couldn't look _this_ good. My hair! My once elbow length plain brown hair was now a fashionable inverted bob, resting at the base of my neck at the bank, with my bangs hitting my shoulder. I'd never seen it look in such good condition. Keisha had matched my makeup with my dress to perfection, my face was glowing, my cheekbones highlighted, my eyes exaggerated with mascara and a light emerald eye shadow. I looked like something out of a glossy magazine

I looked smoking hot! I took a step back so my whole figure was visible in the mirror, my legs looked like they went on for miles. My skin tone complimenting the dress amazingly.

I turned around to Keisha and tackled her in a tight hug "thank you, thank you, thank you"

She laughed "don't mention it, you deserved to feel pampered"

I pulled away from her, frightened to crease her dress.

My thanks were interrupted with the sound of a car horn, telling us that Shane had successfully picked up the car and the fame whore. That's what I was calling her from now on, she didn't deserve a pretty name like Emily, fame whore fitted her perfectly.

"Ready?" Jason spoke up

We all nodded, well I was ready as I'll ever be.

"Don't worry Mitch" Nate whispered as we made our way to the door "Shane isn't going to know what's hit him" I smiled at his words as we opened the front door to see Shane standing by the car, dressed in a dark gray suit, different compared to Jason and Nate's black ones. He looked sensational, the suit trousers hugging everything to perfection, the crisp white shirt, tight enough to see his impressive abs, the red tie around his neck, finishing the outfit off.

I gulped harshly, my throat becoming incredibly dry at the very sight of him. My eyes travelled to his face as he noticed us, his expression changing considerably when his eyes landed on me. His eyes went to the sides of saucers as he blinked several times, taking a hurried few steps forward "Mitchie?" he said in disbelief "Mitchie, is that really _ you?"_ I gave him a small smile and nodded

"Hi Shane"

He opened his mouth, to say something but nothing came out. He closed it, before finally muttering "You look stunning"

I bit my lip "You're looking pretty fine yourself Mr Gray" I continued walking down the pathway with Nate in tow "See, told you" he whispered causing me to laugh as I could still feel Shane's eyes on me.

The car ride to the premiere was full of small talk between all of us... actually when I say all of us I mean everyone but Shane and Emily. They were off in a little self obsessed world of their own. If they were too rude to join in on our conversation and be social than that's there problem. Although they were being antisocial asses that didn't stop Shane from occasionally stealing glances in my direction. I tore my gaze away from him, shifting slightly so my back was facing him as I focused all my attention on Nate.

We arrived to the venue little after 8, the premiere already in full swing as paparazzi flooded the area left right and centre, lights flashing as numerous people's names were being shouted out. We exited the car one by one without retrospective dates, Shane and Emily being the first one out of course.

The golden couple.

Golden couple, my ass.

I clung on to Nate's arm tightly as we made our way up the red carpet, occasionally stopping for Nate to answer a question or two, not wanting to take too much media attention off of the actually actors who appeared in the film. I refused to look for Shane, I refused to think about him, I refused for that moment in time to acknowledge his existence. After all the last thing I wanted was for Perez Hilton to notice my lovesick looks and post it all over his website. That wasn't how I wanted Shane to find out how I feel towards him. And I certainly didn't want to become the most hated woman in America.

"You know, me and you make a pretty good team" I observed out loud as we entered the movie theatre and took out seats in the third row.

"How so?" Nate asked intrigued

"We seemed to be getting a lot of photo opportunities back there, but I couldn't help but think you were a little distracted with a certain red head" I raised an eyebrow at him, and waggled it.

Nate's cheeks flushed red, I could tell that much, even if the lights were dim "Err no I wasn't?"

"Oh c'mon yes you were! It's okay Nate! Go and find her, don't feel like you have to stick by me all night, I'm a big girl"

Nate looked at me hesitantly, obvious he was having an internal battle whether or not to stay with me.

"Seriously Nate go! It's about time you had a little romance in your life" I sent him a wink before nudging him off of his chair.

He shot me a grateful smile before scurrying off. I sat back in the cushioned chair, as everyone else filtered into the room, and surprise surprise Shane and his flavour of the week were last in. I glanced to my left, cursing that they were unoccupied, and cursing even more when Shane sat beside me, giving me a toothy smile

"Hey stranger" he greeted squeezing my hand which was resting on the arm rest

"Hi Shane" I said levelly, jealously boiling inside of me as I noticed his other hand was stroking blonde bitches exposed leg

Dear Fame Whore,

Would you please just fuck off. No one likes you, you're hair is as rough as a scarecrows and I'm pretty sure those aren't your real boobs.

Yours faithfully,

The brunette bitch that's in love with your boyfriend.

"What's up, you're not as firey as usual, and what's with the appearance make over?"

"Oh I'm fine Shane, wonderful in fact, it doesn't matter that my supposed best friend hasn't said more than five words to me all night. And as for this" I said pointing at my hair "it's about time I had a change"

His face hardened slightly "Mitchie, I'm on a date!" he defended

I scoffed "Actually you'll find you're on a night out planned months ago with one of your previous girlfriends, there's more than two people here, therefore it's not a date."

He didn't say another word, just looked at me oddly before sinking back into his chair and concentrating on the movie that started a matter of minutes later. I didn't care if I was being cold or harsh. I was a girl who was sitting watching the guy she loved be all lovey dovey with someone else. I had every right to act bitter.

The movie was long and not that interesting, in fact it only made me angrier. No one told me this was going to be one of those chick flicks. As much as I loved a romantic comedy, I'd rather being living one. For a split second a felt a sense of relief wash over me as the prospect of going home and getting into a relaxing bath made me happy, only to be crushed when I heard Jason's voice

"After party time" oh mother fucker.

Luckily no travelling was involved as the party was being held at the club next door to the cinema complex. I rolled my eyes as I passed Nate in the corridor of the entrance to the club making out with the red head from before. Trust Nate, he was such a man whore when he found a girl, but at least he was getting some. More than what I could say for myself.

I don't know what I was really expecting from this evening. I didn't think that my makeover would make Shane dump that good for nothing girlfriend of his, nor did I expect him to announce his undying love for me, but I kinda expected a little more than this.

I expected to actually spend some time with me, get some attention, for him to be utterly shocked by my appearance that he may whisper sweet words in my ear. But I am obviously far too delusional. Far too delusional.

Maybe I was so stupidly in love that I've let it get to my head. That maybe I've lost all my own identity and has now turned into mush. Because that's what I feel like. My life revolves around Shane Gray, my thoughts, my actions, everything. I'm so caught up, I have no idea what I'm doing any more. I was slowly going insane. Hell, I'm probably already insane.

My eyes scanned the room for Shane or Keisha or....anyone. I felt like the third wheel, hell I just felt completely out of place. Keisha had Jason, Shane had Emily and I was only here with Nate because he had no one. Had as in past tense. I'm pretty sure he'll keep that pretty little red head attached to his lips for the rest of the night.

My job as 'date for the tonight' was over. And now I was standing here, in the middle of a film premiere after party like a loser.

Wow, my life is so goddamn average.

I straightened out my teal coloured dress as my eyes locked with Shane's. He turned his head to look at me better, him and Emily sitting in a booth by themselves, looking picture perfect. But Emily was rambling on at a million miles per hour, and he was simply looking at me, not listening.

Mind games. That's all it was. Silly little mind games, messing up every piece of logic and common sense I possessed.

He confused me. I confused me. Every goddamn thing that I can relate to him in one way or another confuses me.

And I had enough.

He had a girlfriend, and if I was going to get anywhere in his affections, I needed to make him jealous.

And if that failed, then at least I would have a little fun, aye?!

I narrowed my eyes at Shane, causing him to look at me confused before tearing my gaze away from him, onto the nearest good looking guy I could find. I smiled in satisfaction as my eyes landed on a dark haired guy leaning against the bar with a beer in his hand. He was certainly blessed with amazing genes. I walked over to him, catching his attention as I too leaned against the bar, trying to get the bartenders attention, in a position which showed a fair amount of cleavage to Mr. Hottie beside me.

"Can I get a jack and coke please?" I shouted above the music to the bartender as he nodded politely

"Let me get this one" the man of mystery spoke up as I turned towards him, a smile spreading across my lips

"Thanks"

"I'm Greg" he extended his hand, as went to shake it politely. Instead he raised it to his lips before lowering it again.

"I'm Mitchie"

"Nice to meet you Mitchie" he winked. Admittedly this guy was a little too cocky for my liking, but he would do, I just wanted some company until the party died down, nothing more. "Why don't you grab a booth and I'll be right over with our drinks" he suggested as I just nodded, finding a booth exactly opposite to Shane.

Perfect for the sneaky glances, perfect for him to see.

I slid into the booth, still in Shane's sight as he locked eyes with me momentarily before Greg blocked the view, leaning over, handing me my drink. I took the drink and smiled at him warmly as he sat down opposite me.

"So what's a pretty girl like you doing at a place like this all by yourself?" he asked, taking a swig of his beer, his eyes checking me out slightly.

Now I don't mind being complimented, nor do I mind being flirted with, but you lose points the moment you stare at my chest for more than 10 seconds.

And this dude was currently at 27.

I cleared my throat rather unsubtly causing him to divert his gaze to my face, smiling cockily. I knew there was a reason why I didn't casually date often- because they are all like this.

Slime balls.

No offence guys of the planet, but the minute you act like an arrogant shit is the minute I walk out the door.

And if this was any other time I would have probably excused myself by now and make a run for it, but seeming as I was currently looking over my shoulder snidely seeing Shane eat the face off of flavour of the week, I'd keep this Greg guy around a little while longer.

I leaned over the table slightly, giving him a perfect view of my cleavage as we generated small talk, you know, asking the usual questions 'what do you do for a living? What kind of things do you like?' and its safe to say that the information I found out in those 10 or so minutes, assured me that Greg would never be seeing me again after tonight.

He had no permanent job, yet freelanced from place to place working wherever he could, apparently he didn't believe in commitment of any sort at his ripe age of 22, he was a free spirit.

Great.

He held no aspirations or ideas of what he wanted to do with his life, and in his free time he liked to 'hang with the guys'.

It's guys like him who make me wonder why on earth I like Shane to begin with! I mean Greg is obviously every woman's Mr. Right. After all what woman would want a hard working, gorgeous, kind, caring and fun loving guy like Shane Gray when you can have your very own Greg.

Sorry, if you didn't catch that, I'm being sarcastic.

I sat back further into the booth, shutting my eyes for a split second as the affects of the alcohol kicked in slightly. I mean don't get me wrong I'm in no ways a lightweight, in fact I can handle my drinks extremely well, but tonight for some reason, it hit me a little harder than usual.

Maybe I hadn't eaten before I left? I honestly can't remember, or maybe I haven't kept myself hydrated. Oh well.

Who gives a fuck?

Not me.

"Hey you want to dance?" I announced out of nowhere, sending Greg a seductive look. I hated dancing, me and dancing didn't mix, didn't mix unless I was completely hammered.

A grin spread across his face, highlighting some very cute dimples as he nodded extending his hand out to mine as he got out of the booth. I took his hand as he pulled me towards the dance floor, conveniently right in front of 'the-love-of-my-life-who-will-never-be-mine' as he put his hands on my hips.

I ignored the nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me to just give up the charade, admit defeat and reside to a corner by myself, as I began to sway to the music, letting the beat overtake me. A couple of songs passed and before I knew it I was putting dance moves into practice that have only ever been witnessed by my mirror, and maybe Jason who walked in on my inappropriate dancing once or twice, the distance between myself and Greg now nonexistent as my back was against his chest.

I have to admit, I was having fun. Maybe it was because I was imagining I was grinding against Shane, but nevertheless it was fun.

Speaking of Shane I looked over our shoulders to see Shane's glare boring into mine, his eyes wide and his mouth open slightly.

I raised an eyebrow at him as I smirked, turning my body around so I was face to face with Greg once more. I looked over at Shane once more, making sure he was watching as I leaned closer to Greg, not planning anything in particular, just wanting to make his blood boil a little. However dearest Greg took this as an invitation to close whatever distance we had between us and crashed his lips upon mine.

My eyes went wide as I reluctantly began to kiss back, fighting back the urge to gag as he forced his tongue into my mouth. It was as if I was making out with a washing machine. No joke.

The boy better be glad he's got looks, because he needs to brush up on the ole kissing techniques. I felt his hands begin to wonder towards my ass before one hand resting on my thigh.

He was direct, I'd give him that.

I moved my hands slowly from around his neck to his chest, attempting to subtly push him away as I pulled away from him. Yet he was having none of it. Before I could even catch my breath, his mouth was on mine once more, like he was some sort of animal.

I pushed a little harder, now completely losing any tolerance I held, the alcohol now taking its full affect. I wanted to sit down and have a glass of water. I pulled away "Okay, easy there Greg" I tried to joke it off, hoping that maybe be was just a little too drunk to control his hormones, but when I locked eyes with him they were narrow and determined, his arms locked securely around my waist.

"Oh c'mon baby, you can't deny you weren't enjoying that, how about we takes things somewhere with a little more privacy?" he whispered in my ear before gently nibbling on my ear lobe.

There's a line, and he just crossed it.

I was about to give him a sarcastic but final reply, yet I was beaten to it as a pair of strong arms pried me off of him, "I think she's had enough" the voice spoke up. But not just any voice, oh no it had to be Shane playing the knight in shining armour role.

"Oh c'mon man, me and the lady were having some fun, why don't you go back to that blonde" Greg shot back, his voice slurring a little. He went to grab me again but was stopped by a fist in the stomach

"I said. She's had enough. Now fuck off before I fuck you up" and with that Greg rolled his eyes, shook his head slightly and stumbled off to no doubt his next victim.

"What are you doing?" he hissed as he wrapped his hand around my wrist tightly, pulling me off to the side

I looked at him through now hazed eyes, my body feeling like it was swaying violently from side to side, my brain clouding over as memories and coherent thoughts merged with one another.

"What?" I asked, my voice drowned out by the blaring music, my eyes squinting as the throbbing pain in my head worsened considerably. I tried to focus on Shane as his mouth moved at a million miles per hour, but I simply couldn't understand what he was saying.

My limbs became heavy, feeling like a tonne of bricks as I felt unsteady on my three inch heels.

"Mitchie are you even listening to a word I say!?" his voice was frustrated, that much I could tell.

"I feel sick" I blurted out, my eyes rolling back a little

"Well that's because you've drunk your bodyweight in alcohol, god mitchie, what the fucks gotten into you" he edged closer to me, I could feel the breath on my face as he abruptly pulled my arm from his grip causing me to stumble back slightly.

I closed my eyes, overwhelmed with the feeling of nausea , taking a few deep breaths. I felt my body sway forward as I grabbed onto Shane's suit jacket tightly, pretty sure my knuckles turned white with my death grip. I stumbled into Shane's chest

"Mitchie?" his voice changing from angry to worried. "Mitchie?" he repeated when I was unable to form an answer "just how much have you had to drink?"

"N-nothing major" I stuttered out, the effort of speaking using up what little strength I had "I've had one all night, I swear Shane. Just one." my voice began to crack as tears spilled from my eyes, I was scared, why was I feeling like this? I knew my limits, and for me to feeling remotely this shit I needed at least another four drinks. Come to think of it I'd never felt this shit, even when I was completely intoxicated.

I looked through hooded eyes at Shane's face, his eyes washed with worry as mine rolled to the back of my head. I felt my legs give out as everything went black. The last thing I remember being my body hitting the ground as Shane's hysteric voice rang through the room.

* * *

**Well there you go guys. There is your chapter. I have to admit, I'm pleased with it. And I hope you are too. So what happened to Mitchie? Review to find out. It means so, so, so much to me. 80 reviews at the moment, 90 before I update, get me to 100 and I will post a double chapter post or at least a 6000 word chapter. Go, go go!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh my word guys, you are all amazing, like seriously I can't begin to get over how amazing your responses have been to this story! Seriously 110 reviews in 4 chapters! I love, love, love you all. So because you got me past my goal I'm going to make sure this chapter is a long one. I hope you enjoy!**

**Also it's Christmas Eve, well by the time I've finished it may be Christmas day, but regardless. Happy birthday me!. Hell yeah.**

**

* * *

MITCHIE  
**

"Well that had to be the shittest party I've ever been to Shane" I grumbled as I tried to readjust myself in bed, failing miserably. My limbs ached, come to think of it everything ached, it was as if a million tonnes of bricks had been attached to every available part of my body.

"I'm so sorry babe" he whispered in my ear as he lay beside me, absentmindedly stroking my hair, worry still evident in his eyes. It effectively the morning after the night before and I wanted nothing more than to rewind the clock and have never gone out last night.

I shrugged weakly "I've told you already, it wasn't your fault Shane, you don't have to keep apologising." I sighed, he had been constantly apologising for the past few hours, and seriously, as much as I loved the sound of his voice, it was getting a little annoying.

"Yes, it is Mitchie!" he screeched, shooting upright " If I hadn't been so preoccupied in Emily last night you wouldn't have been alone and had to find someone. I'm supposed to be your best friend Mitch, I'm supposed to look after you, I vowed to you that I would always protect you, and last night I didn't" his voice trailed off, his tone full of regret. "I should have pulled you away from him the moment I saw you with him, I wished I had, then none of this would have happened"

"Shane, it's okay, really, it's fine, it's no big deal" I tried to brush it off, wanting him to stop blaming himself.

"No big deal? No big deal?! Fucking hell Mitchie, he spiked your drink for crying out loud, he could have..." his voice trailed off as moved his gaze from me to the bed "raped you. He could have hurt you Mitchie."

Yeah, turns out that fucker Greg spiked my drink, real classy right. Everything was a blur after I had collapsed and hit the floor last night. I couldn't move, speak, I couldn't respond to the muffled voices I could barely hear.

It felt like forever until I found the strength within me to regain consciousness, my eyes opening to find Shane hovering over me his eyes full of panic and...Tears. Now the thing is- Shane doesn't do crying. Okay so the notebook was a total exception, because let's face it anyone who doesn't cry at that film is heartless. I repeat- heartless. I instantly knew then that something was up. Medics arrived shortly after as they took me to the nearest hospital, no one telling me exactly why I felt as if I had been hurtled under a lorry, the only thing I was certain of was the fact that my left hand was losing all circulation due to Shane's killer grip.

All in all, to cut a long story short. A night of being ignored by Shane and hit on my some sleaze, being spiked and a hospital trip later, I was sent home around 5am with orders to spend the next 24 hours in bed.

Now I don't think that's really a problem for me. In fact, that's gotten me out of a Maths test, a killer night shift at work. And getting out of bed.

Win.

"Shane, really it's okay, nothing happened, and I'm fine, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere...well at least not for a few more hours" I shot him a reassuring smile

"And neither am I, my lady until you are fit and well again I am going to wait on you hand and foot, I will grant any wish, desire, or order. I am your slave"

Oh Shane don't say that.

_Dear dirty thoughts entering my brain,_

_Hi, as much as I'd love to space out right now, put my undivided attention on you and wish and pray that you were reality. Please stop. This is neither the time nor place for me to get flustered. _

_Much love,_

_The girl who hopes you save it for later._

"Hold on, is _the_ Shane Gray actually offering his services free of charge?" I feigned shock as my hand covered my mouth

He nodded enthusiastically

"Maybe my drinks should be spiked more often!" I joked, yet Shane's smile automatically turned into a frown "...not funny?" he simply shook his head "Okay well...I want ice cream. I feel like having a simultaneous relationship with Ben and his best friend Jerry. Oh and I want to watch Bruno!"

I batted my eyelids at Shane, putting on my best 'puppy dog' eyes as he let out a slight chuckle "Anything for you princess" he tapped me lightly on the nose before pressing his lips to my temple and getting off of the bed.

It was actions like that, that made me fall a little more in love with him, making me fall a little harder, drowning me a little more.

"I'll be back in an hour or so, don't get out of bed, if I find you've done cleaning or something whilst I've been gone I won't be happy"

"Yes dad!" I rolled my eyes as he left, the sound of the door shutting and a car engine starting following shortly after.

I sighed, instantly missing the warmth Shane's body next to me provided as I switched on my TV, flicking through the channels, trying to find some, anything, that I could tolerate.

Ah Criminal Minds, perfect. Let's watch some sexy men- well at least I think they're sexy, solve some gruesome murders. Yum!

Time rolled by quickly and before I knew it, I had successfully managed to watch the whole of the second episode, and still no Shane. Surely it doesn't take nearly two hours to pick up a couple of things? I brushed it off, maybe he was caught in traffic or something.

I closed my eyes, deciding that a nap was the best way to pass the time, meaning that when I woke up Shane would be home, next to me, and in the mean time I could dream about that.

-

* * *

SHANE

I piled the bags of shopping into the back seats, deciding to pick up Mitchie a few other snacks whilst I was at it, so what if I was spoiling her rotten, she deserved it after what she had been through and admittedly I couldn't help but feel partially responsible.

After all, I invited her and yet I didn't spend more than 5 minutes in her company. Maybe if I had, I could have prevented her from ever meeting that sleaze Greg in the first place.

I shut the door just as my phone started vibrating in my pocket, the sound of the fray filling up my ears. I took a quick glance at the caller ID before answering

"Hey Emily how are you baby?" I greeted cheerfully only to be greeted with a sound that caused worry to build up at the pit of my stomach

She was crying...hell she was sobbing "Emily, are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

She sniffled "S-Shane...i-i need you" another sob escaped her lips as I let myself into the car, slowly sitting down in the driver's seat

"Em, baby what's happened? Where are you?"

"I'm a-at t-the hospital"

My eyes grew wide. I was beginning to hate the hospital more and more by the minute "Oh god are you hurt?"

"No...Shane...my d-dad, he's" another sob "he's dead" the line filled up with hysterical sobs "I didn't know who else to call Shane, I don't know what to do..." I froze, my heart literally breaking for her as she sounded so helpless. I closed my eyes momentarily, taking in the news.

"I'm coming now, just stay strong okay?"

She sniffled "okay, thank you Shane"

"No worries" I hung up, starting the ignition as I pulled out of the supermarket car park, Mitchie would just have to wait a little longer, right now, Emily needed me.

And I sure as hell wasn't going to ignore her.

-

* * *

MITCHIE

My eyes tore away from the TV screen as I saw a pair of head lights shine towards the window, the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. I glanced at the clock, the small LCD lights telling me it was little after 4am.

I scoffed out loud as I threw my head back onto the pillow, now so incredibly pissed I could punch someone in the face. And when I say someone, I mean Shane. My gaze returned to the TV, my eyes staying focused on the screen as I heard the front door creak open, and then shut again before footsteps were heard. Nice to see that after numerous hours and several unanswered phone calls later Shane remembered where his home was. Seeming that I was currently still in Shane's bed meant there was no way he could avoid me, after all it's not like he hasn't been doing that for the past...oh I don't know... 14 hours.

I didn't look as he sneakily stuck his head around the door to check whether I was awake or not. I didn't acknowledge his existence when he stepped foot into the room and I certainly wasn't going to respond to his pointless chit chat.

"Hey Mitch, how are you feeling?" he asked a little too nicely.

No reply. That's right, Mr Shane Gray was getting the silent treatment, the cold shoulder. Basically he was getting nothing off of me.

"Mitch?" he took a step closer, now coming into my vision as I tried to pay as much attention to E news as I possibly could. "Mitch?" he repeated, his tone becoming cautious as I felt the bed shift next to me. "Mitch are you okay?!"

I scoffed, mentally scolding myself as soon as I had.

"What? Have I done something wrong?" his voice full of worry.

Meh, screw the silent treatment, it's about time my so called best friend knew exactly what I felt- well not exactly, but pretty damn close

"Oh I don't know Shane" I threw back sarcastically "let me think. 'I'm just popping to the supermarket to get us some supplies, I'll be back in an hour' what supermarket did you go to Shane? One in fucking Nebraska? 14 hours ago you left. Where were you? I was fucking going out of my mind worried about you! You didn't answer your phone! You _always _ answer your phone. You could have been dead in ditch for all I knew!"

His face fell a little. Maybe I was over reacting a little, but I couldn't care less, I was sick and tired of being the last resort. Of course it was expected eventually, but I was bitter, and I was slowly losing all sanity I possessed. He didn't reply, his mouth just fell open as he tried to formulate a response.

"Where were you?" I pressed on.

"I got distracted." He replied lamely, his lips pursed together in a thin line.

I laughed shaking my head "what on earth could have possibly distracted you for14 hours..." I began to ask, yet the minute I locked eyes with him I knew.

What a bitch.

I slowly nodded my head as I pulled the covers off of me, ignoring the dull pain I was still experiencing. I flung my legs over the side of the bed as my feet came in contact with the carpeted floor. "I get it" looking towards the ceiling " you were with her weren't you" it wasn't so much of a question, more a statement. I looked at him dead in the eyes as he nodded

"But..." he started

"I don't want to hear it Shane. You wonder why I'm becoming a stranger to you lately? It's because you don't have the time for me. You're so fucking preoccupied with that blonde Barbie doll of yours that you're leaving behind everyone else! She's been around for 5 minutes and you're already devoting all your time to her. It doesn't matter that I've been there for you through thick and thin for over 10 years? For once Shane I _needed_ you, today I needed you and you don't care. I've been there for you when relationships end, when something doesn't go right in your career, but when it comes to me, it's not important is it?"

The words simply fly out of my mouth in a heated rage as I watched Shane's expression get sadder and sadder by the second, my words were hitting him hard. And both of us knew it.

"Sometimes I wonder why I even bother!" I exclaimed, letting my emotions get the better of me. My breathing was laboured and I'm pretty sure my cheeks had tears running down them.

He took a step closer to me slowly, biting his lip as he scanned my face "Mitchie, you know I care, you're my..." I didn't let him finish the sentence

"Best friend?" I scoffed "funnily I don't feel like one. You know what? You should have just left me with that Greg guy last night. At least I felt wanted, at least he was acknowledging my existence. Tell you what Shane you have fun with Miss I've-just-walked-out-of-a-glossy-magazine because when things go pear shaped, don't expect me to be there to pick up the pieces. I'm done." I let out a frustrated sigh, walking straight past him and into my room, slamming the door firmly behind me, causing the door to shake on its hinges.

I threw myself down on my bed, my head throbbing immensely as I let the tears soak into the comforter.

Had I over reacted? More than likely

Did I feel guilty? Just a little

Did I feel any better getting all of that off of my chest? Incredibly.

At the end of the day I knew that I would never be his number one forever, he would find someone, get serious and his attention would solely be focused on her. But her of all people? Emily? Someone he's been with a matter of days? No. I was jealous. I am the definition of a green eyed monster.

He should be mine. I should be the one he spends all his time with. I want to be his distraction. And even though he means more to me than everyone I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's as if I'm being pushed closer and closer to the edge of a cliff, testing how much I can handle. And the answer if not a lot.

I may love him and I think, no wait, I know I always will but I can't keep going on like this. Being his best friend and roommate is too much for me to handle right now. I needed space. Time apart from him so I could get my life into perspective, to sort out my head and my heart.

I had to leave.

I laid on my bed for a little longer, just listening silently to Shane's pleas at the other side of the door until he finally gave up and went to bed a little after 5;30. I knew he wouldn't be up till at least 10 so I had time.

I rolled off of my bed, getting to my knees and pulling out my suitcase, flinging every item of clothing and necessities I would need into it, not caring about folding. Grabbing my iPod, dock, my makeup and everything else. I pushed it closed, struggling with the zip as I swear I filled it way over its recommended capacity.

What can I say, I have a lot of stuff.

I grabbed my laptop and college work and stuffed it into a separate bag as I quietly made my way down the stairs and out into the driveway, flinging it all onto the back seat. Closing the car quietly, I made my way back upstairs, pulling my door to before making my way to the kitchen, giving it a quick clean.

Letting out a sad sigh I pulled my apartment key off of my keychain placing it on the kitchen counter before making my way out of the door, and towards my car.

As soon as I was in the safe confines of my car I pulled out my phone knowing full well it was seriously early and any normal human being would be fast asleep right now, but I needed somewhere to go. I wasn't swapping coasts or anything, I just needed a place to crash for a few weeks, maybe until the keys went on tour just to get myself back into a stable mindset.

I raised the phone to my ear, mentally hoping they would answer.

"Eurgh, hello?" the person on the other end grumbled.

"It's me"

"Mitch?" their voice became more alert "this better be good, or I'm afraid your Christmas present is going to be seriously downsized for waking me up at this hour"

I let out a sigh "I need to crash at yours." I stated simply

"Why? What's happened?"

"Your brother." I replied quietly, looking up at the first floor window which just so happened to be his bedroom window.

Nate sighed "I swear to god if he has done anything to you I will kick his ass into 2010 so hard that when he lands he will be deformed so much that he will no longer be the sexy one of the band"

I laughed, biting my lip slightly. When all else fails I can always depend on Nate- Always. "We got into an argument and I just can't take it anymore Nate, I need distance. I promise I'll be on my best behaviour. You need a roommate anyway, it must be pretty lonely for an 18 year old living on his own"

"I'll have you know I thrive on independence, but of course you can, the spare room is all yours for as long as you like."

I smiled "thank you Nate, is it okay if I come straight over?"

"Well I'm awake now, so sure why not, pick up some pancakes on the way and you and I could have something very special"

"Will do Natey, I'll see you in a bit"

"Bye Mitch"

"Bye, and just so you know, you'll always be the sexiest member of Connect 3" I replied light heartedly as I hung up. The youngest Gray was a complete saint. Remind me to get him something special for Christmas.

Like something gold plated or diamond incrusted.

I put the keys in the ignition, the car starting up after a few seconds as I pulled away from the apartment on to the street. I took one last look at the place where I used to live, not knowing when I could call that home again. If ever.

-

* * *

SHANE

I groaned as I awoke with the sound of what I could only describe as a car's engine roaring from nearby. I rolled over onto my side, sleep wanting to overcome me once more as I looked at the red LCD digits, telling me it was little after six, meaning that I had successful managed to get about 45 minutes sleep.

Who needs eight hours when you can have less than one right?

Obviously not me.

I rubbed my head as I dragged myself out of bed , stretching my limbs as I made my way into the hallway, noticing Mitchie's door was closed.

She must still be asleep.

Mitchie and I never argued, never. It wasn't what we did, sure we had our differences of opinions most of the time but never had she raised her voice to me. Never once had I been the reason to make her yell at me with tears streaming down her face. And it killed me. It really did.

She had a point, I had just disappeared but she never let me finished. She's the most important person in my life, more important than I care to let on, but she really is my world.

And even though she needed me, Emily needed me a hell of a lot more.

As soon as I got the hysterical phone call I knew I couldn't just ignore it, so I dropped what I was doing and went to her.

I stumbled into the kitchen, noticing the key on the counter, confused I picked it up. This wasn't my key, and I'm pretty sure the spare key was still hidden around the side of the house...

Unless Mitchie forgot her key and had to use it?

That must have been the reason.

I quickly made the only thing I could successfully make- scrambled eggs and bacon and poured a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice before placing it all onto a tray.

Phase one of grovelling for Mitchie's forgiveness was about to begin, breakfast in bed was a good place to start...right?

I watched the tray intensely as I climbed the stairs, not wanting to spill anything, but this was me- I'm a klutz, reaching the top of the stairs without spilling a single thing would be a massive achievement for me.

"Ah, Shit" I mumbled as I lost my footing slightly, causing a few splashed of orange juice to escape the cup and find its way onto the plastic tray.

See? I spoke too soon.

I reached Mitchie's door, readjusting myself so I could balance the tray on one hand and knock on the door with the other, yet when I didn't I didn't hear any sort of response, not even a grumble. Not wanting the breakfast to get cold I slowly opened the door, and peaked my head through, making sure it was safe to come in. After all we wouldn't want to walk in on Mitchie half naked now would we...

Actually yeah I would, but still, you get my point.

My eyes scanned the room before settling on the bed to realise it was empty and made up neatly. I pushed the door open with force as I looked around once more confused. Mitchie _never_ made her bed, never.

"Mitch?" I called out, placing the tray on her bedside table as I wondered into her walk in wardrobe, my whole body coming to a complete stand still at the sight.

They were...empty? Not a single piece of clothing was hung up, folded or even thrown in there.

I opened her draws- nothing.

My heart began to race in my chest, panic automatically taking over. I raced back into the main part of her room. Everything that made this room Mitchie's was gone. No IPod, no college work, not even her work uniform.

I got to my hands and knees, looking under her bed- her suitcase had gone.

She'd....left?

And then it clicked, the key. She really had gone. Did she leave because of me? The argument? Was she really that angry that she left without a word of a goodbye. Did I mean that little to her that she could jut pack up and leave everything?

I left the tray of food to get cold as I scurried into my room, searching through my jacket pocket for my phone, instantly dialling her number.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up" I quietly chanted as it connected, yet it was sent straight to voicemail

_Hey it's Mitchie, sorry I'm not around, if you leave your name and number and whatever the hell you're after I'll get back to you, have a great day._

"Mitchie where are you? Please just call me when you get this." I hung up quickly before pressing my third speed dial contact- Nate.

"Mm hello" Nate mumbled as he finished what I could only presume as a mouthful of food

"Nate!" I exclaimed

"Oh err... hi _Shane" _he replied, sounding sketchy. Weird.

"Do you know where Mitchie is? I woke up and now she's gone, everything is gone, I'm going out of my mind here"

He gulped harshly on the other end of the phone. "Yeah, she's okay Shane"

-

* * *

MITCHIE.

"Oh err ...hi _Shane_" my head shot up to look at Nate as I dropped my fork rather loudly, the loud clatter ringing through the kitchen

"Yeah she's okay Shane... do I know where she is?" Nate looked to me raising his eyebrows, to which I simply nodded and rolled my eyes, after all I wouldn't want a famous pop star dying of a heart attack because he didn't know my whereabouts.

"Yeah she's with me Shane... calm down Shane! She's staying with me for a while...yes she is here, no I really don't think now is a good time for you to speak to her..."

I watched intently as Nate rolled his eyes obviously Shane was throwing a hissy fit on the other end of the line. I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty, but this was for the best. Time apart would be good for the both of us. It would test whether or not our friendship is as strong as it used to be.

"Look Shane, seriously calm the fuck down, she is okay. She's safe with me. Just please give her some space. I'm sure you'll sort things out in due course. Okay Shay, I'll see you later okay? And please remember your guitar this time. Kay, bye." Nate ended the call and let out an exasperated sighed

"Jesus Mitch, he is going ape shit over there, he sounds as if he has killed a kitten he's that sorry"

I picked up my fork and shuffled my pancakes drowned in syrup from one side of the plate to another, now avoiding eye contact with the youngest Gray brother

"What's happened Mitch?" he asked softly as he took the fork from my hand and placed it on the table before intertwining our fingers.

"I'm losing it Nate" I closed my eyes shut tightly "I really am, I don't know how much more I can take. It's like I want it to happen. I really do there is nothing more in the world I want than for Shane to call me his own. But let's face it, its slim to none here. He's happy. And I'm glad, he deserves to be. But it's killing me. And I don't know what to do. I want to hate him, so I can get over him. I want to find a flaw which I can get obsessive over and convince myself that I don't like him. But I can't. So I had to leave. If I stand any chance of keeping my sanity I can't be living in his pocket 24/7 Nate...I...can't" by the end of my mini rant I had successfully burst out into tears once again. I swear I have never cried so much over a person before.

"I wish I knew what to say Mitchie, I hate seeing you like this, let me take you out tonight, we can go and have some old school fun? Just you and me, no Shane. Nothing. We won't even talk about him, I promise"

I smiled at Nate, feeling like bursting out into tears again "What did I do to deserve someone like you?"

I had struck gold with dear Nathaniel, I really had.

"Hey, I ask myself the same thing about you all the time" he matched my smile before breaking all forms of contact with me and continued to stuff the mile high plate full of pancakes and fruit into his mouth. "Also these pancakes...so good. I needs me pancakes like this on a daily basis"

I laughed "one day Nate you're going to get fat. One day."

-

* * *

"Seriously Nate, bowling?!" I asked as we walked into the bowling alley, noticing that we were outnumbered by parents and pre-pubescent kids.

He shrugged and grinned "It's old school, its fun and besides nothing is cooler than bowling!" I rolled my eyes as he grabbed us two pairs of bowling shoes as I found an aisle with the barriers up at the sides

What can I say? I sucked at bowling

I sucked at sports.

Hell I sucked at anything that involved moving excessively.

"Barriers Mitch, are you kidding me?" Nate sat down as he set up the score board

"It's no fun when the ball just falls in the gutter!" I defended, it wasn't. I don't fancy seeing all my throws end in the gutter, I would like to knock down at least one pin.

"Fine but I'm only allowing it because I love you, and also because I'm going to thrash you anyway. After all I am the ten pin king"

"Seriously I think you and your brothers need to have a sit down with your egos"

The game went smoothly, but as expected Nate was winning, in fact so far he had gotten a strike for every go expect one. He was a pro, or he just had too much time on his hands when he was younger that he decided to join an under 13's bowling league...

Yeah it's true, but don't tell anyone.

Nate likes to think he's cool, we know he's not, but let him live in his happy bubble.

"Victory is mine!" Nate exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air as the game ended, declaring that Nate had won, by a lot...more than 50%.

Damn I sucked at bowling.

I smiled, extending my arms out to him as I took him into an embrace, burying my head in his chest "thank you for tonight, I've had a lot of fun. Nate you are officially my new favourite"

He pulled away abruptly looking at me with a shocked expression "I'm the favourite?" he asked

I nodded.

His expression changed, the biggest grin spreading across his face as he broke out into some weird, slightly...actually highly embarrassing 'happy' dance. "Woo I'm Mitchie's favourite! I'm Mitchie's favourite!"

Err maybe I should retract that statement... bless.

-

* * *

SHANE

It's been over 48 hours. Forty-eight fucking hours since I've spoken or seen Mitchie and I was going out of my mind. I was losing it.

I missed her.

My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as my knuckles went white. Whoever's idea it was to create cold weather is seriously not in my good books right about now. I drove well under the speed limit as the road resembled an ice rink, the brakes unable to work successfully due to the poor travelling conditions. And I was losing my temper. Fast.

I finally pulled up outside Nate's apartment, the front lawn covered in a dusting of snow as I jumped out of my car, slamming the door shut with great force. Trying not to break a bone I carefully yet as quickly as I could.

I knew Nate wasn't at home, he was still at the studio finishing the editing on one of the new album tracks, and if I had remembered correctly, Mitchie had finished work little over an hour ago, and in Mitchie style there was almost no doubt that she was on the sofa watching some sort of soap opera.

I lifted up the plant pot by his front door and picked up his spare key, not a very original hiding place I know. But I guess I got both the beauty and the brains... and Nate and Jason? Well... let's not go into that.

I let myself in quietly, not wanting to startle Mitchie, or get thrown out before I even had the chance to enter the apartment. I carefully walked through the hallway to see the light from the TV illuminating the entrance to the living room, the sounds of Mitchie's faint laughter filling my ears.

A sound I've missed. So much.

I walked into the living room "Hi Mitchie" her head whipped round as her eyes widened, obviously me being here the last thing she was expecting. She bit her lip, jumping to her feet. "Mitchie, what's going on?" I asked, pushing for a verbal response from her

"Shane please leave" she begged quietly, her voice weak

"Not until we sort things out!"

She tried to move past me. "Will you just hear me out?" I asked desperately , blocking the living room doorway causing her to step away from me as if I had the plague. She crossed her arms over her chest looking at me with defeated eyes. I knew she didn't want to argue, but she was being too goddamn stubborn.

"I don't want to hear it Shane, I really don't" she sighed

"Well you're going to" I pressed on bluntly "I get you're mad, I really do, I would be too, and maybe I haven't been the best friend to you recently but you have got to understand that I didn't come home straight away yesterday for a reason. Emily's dad died Mitch. Her dad's car lost control on the ice and crashed on the freeway. She was in hysterics, I couldn't just leave her. I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was, but she needed me a little more than you needed me yesterday. But don't ever think for a minute you don't mean anything to me, because you have _no_ idea" my voice gradually got more and more frustrated as I tried to break through to Mitchie.

My eyes pleaded with hers as her expression fell, realising that maybe she was being a little bit of a douche by not letting me speak last night, knowing that we could have probably avoided this whole situation completely.

But she did know how much she meant to me, I don't think I could express just how much she means to me. I would jump through fire, risk my life for her, hell I've been living with a monumental secret for the past 2 years of my life.

The stubborn brown haired girl standing in front of me with tears slowly cascading down her cheeks wasn't just any girl, she wasn't just my friend, my roommate, my rock, she was the girl I was undoubtedly in love with.

So why am I not with her and with some different girl every week? Because she doesn't feel the same, I'm pretty damn sure she doesn't feel the same. Just look at me, I may be famous, and I may have a lot of money stashed away in the bank, but I'm damaged goods.

I can't keep a relationship going for a long period of time, eventually it ends with me being broken hearted. And I'm scared that if I ever ventured over that dangerous boundary between friendships and romance that I would fuck up things and lose her from my life forever.

To me she was perfect and completely out of my league, so you can imagine when I watched her fall to the ground in my arms unconscious. You can imagine the fear I was experiencing, the pure panic running through me. You can imagine what I felt like when I saw her lips on his.

You can imagine what I felt like when I saw her cupboards bare.

"I don't want to fight with you Mitchie, I don't want you living here, I want you back home." I removed myself from the doorway, taking a few strides towards her as I place a hand on her shoulder. She tensed under my touch, her eyes meeting mine for a matter of milliseconds before she refocused them towards the ground.

She remained silent, her expression a mix of sadness and pain as she obviously continued to fight her internal battle "Mitch?" I moved even closer, putting my thumb under her chin as I lifted it up so she was looking at me in the eyes "what's wrong?"

She shook her head slowly, her eyes glazed over with tears as I wiped one away "nothing" she replied her voice surprisingly level.

"Mitch, I've known you too long to notice when something is seriously bothering you, please you know you can tell me anything"

She looked at me, holding eye contact for a while as she pursued her lips in a tight line before pulling away from my grip completely. She just shook as head.

For what felt like the millionth time in the past 48 hours, she walked straight past me, keeping her gaze well and truly away from mine, not daring to make eye contact as her body jerked violently

"Mitchie, please!" my voice was strained as I rushed to the front door trying to stop her from leaving yet she just got further and further away. "Mitchie you can't go out there you'll freeze to death, where are you going to go?" I raced down the porch, the ice causing me to slid down most of it, my balance being pushed to its limits.

She turned on her heel, looking at me through saddened eyes as she gave an over exaggerated shrug "I just can't be here."

* * *

**So there you go, there is another chapter for you. And a little Shane POV. Whose side are you on Mitchie's or Shane's? If only Mitchie let Shane explain why he wasn't there. Now she's a douche. I hope you liked it, I really love writing this story. So we're at 110 now, how about 130 for the next chapter? I'd love you forever.**

**Also if you want to follow me on twitter its /xolp**

**merry christmas everyone. have a lovely day whatever you do 3  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Can I just say that I absolutely love you all! I mean seriously I can't believe how many reviews I'm getting for this story! I love writing it because I put so much of myself and my own personal feelings in it, those who know me will know how much of this chapter has actually happened to me recently, so yeah hahaaha. Keep the reviews flooding in whilst I lay in bed feeling ill, gotta hate these winter bugs.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own the song used. **

**

* * *

  
**

I've been listening to this same song for quite a while now, stuck on repeat, playing over and over, and over again. It didn't particularly fit my mood, it wasn't giving me any sort of epiphany, but there one was line.

One sentence

Eleven words. Eleven words which were being played numerous times with the attempt of convincing myself that I was doing the right thing

'_Sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same'_

And I'm doing the right thing...right? Please tell me I'm doing the right thing. Because right here, right now, I feel anything but right.

It's been a week since I stormed out of Nate's apartment, running to anywhere that provided me with the slightest element of safety at a great enough distance from Shane. Where did I end up exactly?

The cinema, watching the film I watched at the premiere.

It was the only thing screening and I just wanted a dark room, where I could cry without anyone seeing me. And it worked wonders. I spent the entire length of the film and its credits, sobbing silently to myself trying to figure out if I had been a complete bitch over reacting when Shane's absence had been explained to me. Or if I was standing my ground, doing this for my sanity.

And what was my conclusion?

Well that I'm a goner.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to hate Shane Gray I can't. Not one bone in my body even remotely detests the superstar's existence.

So just how well have I been coping without the sexiest voluntary virgin gracing this very fine earth?

Amazing...good...what?! It has been good!

Eurgh fine, it's been terrible. As much as I love Nate and I really do, to anyone else he would be Mr. perfect, a heart of gold, a diamond personality, and the looks of a god ( a young still illegal god may I add) living with him is like living with my parents again.

There were rules, yes that's right Nathaniel Gray was a neat freak, his house was completely in order, and his practice room off limits to anyone but him. It was his haven apparently. So when he disappears into that small room that probably contains nothing more than a piano, drum kit and a guitar or two for hours upon end, I'm left on my own watching TV or with Jason.

And when I say TV, I mean watching Jason get obliterated on call of duty modern warfare. Now no offence, but what is the obsession with that game? They have well and truly claimed the minds and souls of every single male from the age of 10-35 I swear.

But to cut a long story short. It was boring, dull and they simply weren't Shane. They didn't have movie marathons with me where we would crap films for hours on end whilst we stuffed our faces with unhealthy food and leftover pizza I had brought home from work. They didn't care about our daily star buck's trip, nor our Wednesday tradition of going to the mall window shopping.

It just wasn't the same.

I missed my bed, I missed my room, and I fucking missed Shane.

I unzipped my coat, throwing my hat aimlessly on the floor as made my way into the living room, after finishing yet another tedious shift at work. Don't get me wrong , you meet some of the most interesting and crazy people being a waitress in one of the city's most popular restaurants, but it was by far the most tiring thing ever. Especially as thanksgiving is...tomorrow.

I let out an over exaggerated sigh as I threw myself onto the sofa, my feet throbbing as a result of being on my feet for eight glorious hours.

"Oh don't mind me I was only...y'now...sitting."

I let out a laugh as I looked to the other end of the sofa to shoot Nate a toothy smile as he remained trapped under my legs.

"Oh don't worry about it, you're quite comfy" I winked, to which he simply rolled his eyes

"Michelle....."

I rolled my eyes "Yes Nate?" he was after something; he only ever called me by my full name when he was after something or completely livid.

"I know you've said that you don't want to talk about it, but tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and well...are you going to talk to Shane before then?" I sighed opening my mouth to answer, yet Nate interrupted me "I know you're angry at him and you're on this whole 'break from Shane thing' but it not doing any good for either of you. You're both miserable..."

What?

"Shane's...miserable?" I asked quietly

He nodded enthusiastically "Yes! For the love of everything that is holy, sort things out, Shane is half the man he was before your walk out. He isn't as bubbly as he was, he doesn't want to go out and do things, he just talks about you constantly, wondering what the hell he has done for you to hate him so much"

"But I don't hate him" I protested, I didn't hate him, god, as much as I wanted to I could never, ever, _ever_ hate that kid.

"Tell him that Mitchie. He's been racking his brain for days trying to figure out what he did that has made you so upset.

"I don't know Nate, I...fine. At some point I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Nate smiled "that's all I'm asking, now one last thing, can you get off of me, I've lost all feeling from the waist down"

"We wouldn't want that now would we" I winked, causing him to blush as I swung my legs off of him and hoisted myself off of the couch "I'm gunna go take a bath, call me when dinners ready my love"

"But it's your night to cook!"

"Your point is very accurate, but, your mom"

"Your mom comments, seriously Mitchie? Wow you have been spending too much time with Shane, I'll just call in for a take-out seeming as you're a lazy butt"

I grinned a Nate "thank you darling, you're a star"

-

* * *

I groaned as the sound of Nate banging on his drums, waking me up from my peaceful slumber. I rolled over, squinting as I tried to make out the time on the clock without blinding myself from the light streaming in the room through the blinds.

11.45am

Ah shit.

I had overslept.

Today was thanksgiving, the day where both the Torres and Gray families came together to celebrate the holiday in a way that only the members would see fitting. It was a tradition, for as long as I can remember, we would spend the day together, eating till we couldn't move, singing till we couldn't speak, and laughing till our sides ached.

It was by far one of my favourite days in the calendar, and yet this year, I wasn't looking forward to it.

I rolled out of bed, setting out my clothing for the day, a pair of jeans and the most tackiest jumper I could find at the mall. Every year Shane and I wore a tacky jumper to Thanksgiving, regardless of how utterly ridiculous it made us look. It started when we were seven and our parents showed us photos of our first thanksgiving together when we were toddlers, and the horrendous jumpers we were modelling, and ever since, we have stuck by it.

I looked at mine, a red jumper with an oversized gold hearts all over it, brought from the most embarrassing shop ever, that even the sales assistant looked at me strangely.

I took a quick shower, freshening myself up before throwing my hair up in a messy ponytail, feeling no need to make an effort in my appearance today before throwing on my controversial outfit and running down the stairs

"Now, I would say you look lovely, but that jumper...my oh my Mitchie, where on gods earth did you find that from, it's almost as bad...actually its worse than last year's" I rolled my eyes at Nate as I threw on my coat

"You're just jealous that you can't pull off something like this"

I eyed up his choice of attire, with approval, a simple navy dress shirt and a pair of jeans, his natural curls falling in front of his eyes slightly where he hasn't had the time to go get a haircut recently. "Mmm you caught me Mitch, jealousy is an understatement." He shot back sarcastically as he removed himself from his precious drum set.

"You all ready to go?" I asked, grabbing my keys from the counter

"When there's food involved, I'm always ready"

"I swear to god, one day Nate, you will get sooo fat. And I will laugh"

Nate clutched his chest in feigned hurt "Ouch Mitchie that hurt."

I laughed, hitting his shoulder playfully as we left the house "get over it, fatty"

-

* * *

"Nate I don't want to go in there" I whined as we walked up the path of the Gray's parents house, dragging my feet along like a child having a tantrum

"Look Mitchie, it'll be fine, just sort things out okay? He's here on his own, no interference from Miss Barbie or whatever you call her, just you, Shane and everyone else that loves you."

I sighed, damn Nate for being so good with words.

"You're late" Mrs Gray cried out as the door swung open, her hands stuffed in oven gloves "dinners just about to be served so head straight into the dining room"

We quickly apologised as we made our way through the hall and into the dining room to see everyone else sitting at the table...everyone including Shane.

I swear my world nearly stopped, as well as my heart as I had the chance to take in his appearance for the first time in days. He looked amazing, admittedly a little more tired than usual, and he hadn't shaved, the visible stubble around his jaw making him look more mature, and even more irresistible than I thought humanly possible. A small smile came to my lips as I looked at his jumper, a black woollen jumper with happy holidays written on it in silver.

Totally disgusting.

But I totally loved it.

I looked around noticing that there was only two more available seats, one next to Shane and one directly opposite him. Another tradition of ours, sitting next to each other. Thanksgiving wasn't thanksgiving if we weren't messing about acting like immature little children during dinner, but this year, with things how they were, I opted to sit opposite him.

I cringed slightly as I watched his face, his already saddened look, becoming even more sad as I sat down. He looked towards his plate as I shifted my gaze elsewhere now feeling guilty.

The meal went without drama, conversation flowed between the parents, talking about the usual boring parent crap, like how work was going, latest insurance deals, basically anything that anyone under the age of 30 couldn't give a flying fuck about, as the rest of us stuffed our faces with good home cooked food

And as for Shane and I?

We both I ignored the odd, confused glances we were receiving from our parents, the whispering between them, the fleeting comments as to why we were sitting at complete opposites at the table, but most importantly we were still ignoring each other.

Well, to be honest, we were just not speaking. I wasn't ignoring his existence; in fact I was appreciating his existence, and his jeans.

Especially those jeans.

I couldn't help but steal glances at him; I had to restrain myself from leaping across the table and tackling him to the floor. My will power was bullet proof.

My mentality, not so much.

I watched with suspicion as the three brothers all exchanged weird glances to one another, before Nate got up and excused himself from the table. Followed by Shane. I looked towards Jason who was now the only member under the age of 40 besides me sitting at the table.

_Where have they gone? _ I mouthed to Jason. Did I get a reply? No. instead he completely ignored me and turned towards his parents "mom, dad, do you mind if you could excuse me and Mitchie please, there's something she needs to see"

Oh, say what now?

Both Gray parents nodded as I was literally dragged out of my seat, through the hallway into the living room. "What are you doing?" I hissed as I tried to release myself from Jason's death grip, but no such luck.

I entered the room to see Nate sitting on the sofa, legs bouncing up and down in anticipation whilst Shane was sitting by the fire, his acoustic guitar placed beside him as he nervously played with his hands.

I heard the door click shut as Jason pushed me in the direction of Shane as he whispered 'just sit down' before joining Nate on the sofa.

"What's going on?" I finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room. I hated surprises and they knew that, so it was safe to say I was more than a little unimpressed right now. Not to mention still craving more food.

"We've got something we want you to hear...a new song" Nate said

My eyes widened "What? You guys are writing again, that's great" my voice was a little too enthused, but I didn't care. It had been months since the boys had productively put pen to paper, complaining of writers block, I was just glad they were back on track. "I told you, you'd overcome the writer's block Natey."

"I didn't write it" he added all too quickly.

I furrowed my eyebrows together confused. "Well who did then?" Nate was the writer, the lyrical genius; all of the bands greatest hits to date had been a result of Nate's undeniable writing ability.

"Me." I whipped my head around to come face to face with Shane, his piercing eyes looking straight into mine.

"You?"I questioned my voice full of disbelief.

He nodded.

"When? You never told me, I've never seen you write..." I was confused. Hell I was very confused.

"This past week, I guess inspiration just hit me" he shrugged, his voice quiet and full of uncertainty. This wasn't the Shane Gray I was used to hearing; he was always so confident, so bold. This Shane was full of doubt for himself.

"So err, yeah the song..." Shane began as he picked up the guitar, settling it on his lap "It's called who I am"

I smiled as he began to lightly pluck the strings, a beautiful melody filling up the room.

_I want someone to love me  
for who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?_

_Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore  
Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone  
I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong  
I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong_

_I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am_

_I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.  
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again_

_I want someone to love me  
for who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am_

_I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
but it's all I have_

I was so fixated on the song being played before me, the words so sincere, so true that I didn't realise that both Nate and Jason had somehow left the room, leaving just me and Shane by the fire, eyes locked.

"_I want someone to love me, for who I am"_

The last few words of the song rang through the room for a few seconds longer, a silence settling between us, yet for the first time in over a week, it wasn't an uncomfortable one.

I continued to stare at his saddened eyes as I bit my lip, he had just spilled out all his feelings into this beautiful song, a song I didn't even know he had the ability to write, and here I was absolutely speechless.

He settled the guitar beside him, resting his hands on his knees "so err, what do you think?"

Yeah what do I think?

Well I can't help but think how incredibly sexy you look wearing that jumper, regardless of how tacky it is, nor how irresistible you are when you're nervous and that all I want to do is run my hands through your newly cut hair.

Oh were you not talking about your body Shane? OH... Well then...

"It was, beautiful Shane" I replied honestly as a small smile spread across his lips

"I ended it with her Mitchie" My attention was caught; he had ended it with her?

Time out.

Sorry for the interruption...but please excuse me whilst I burst out into a rather cringe worthy happy dance inside my head.

And we're back. "What?" I asked quietly, still thinking my ears had deceived me.

He inhaled sharply, shifting himself nearer me; his legs still crossed "I ended it with her. I did some thinking whilst you were gone and it was never going to work out. I had had my suspicions from day one that she was more than likely only with me to boost her career in one way or another, and I couldn't go through the pain of being shot down once more because I was their fast track pass to their fifteen minutes of fame. Things were okay for a couple of days, I spent more and more time around her, I mean, with your absence I was lonely, but that only opened myself up to hearing her talk about you constantly..."

Say what now?

"No girl has a future with me if they speak about my best friend in a negative manner, no girl. And the moment she began bad mouthing you, I ended it. It pained me hearing someone who barely knows you speak about you badly, it made me realise just how much I missed you. I don't like this, I don't like us arguing, not talking. I miss you nagging me to pick up my clothes off of the floor; I miss our movie marathons Mitch. I'm sorry"

What do you do when undoubtedly the most attractive guy you have ever laid eyes on apologises to you and tells you he dumped his girlfriend because they were bad mouthing you?

You jump them?

No...?

Not even a little?

Fine "I've missed you too" I smiled "No offence to your brother or anything but his jamming sessions at 3 in the morning are not appreciated"

Shane let out a small chuckle as he extended his arms and stuck out his bottom lip, mustering the best pout he could "hug?"

I simply nodded as he got onto his knees and shuffled his way across the hardwood floor towards me, engulfing me in what had to be one of the best hugs I had ever experienced.

We stayed there for what felt like forever, neither of us wanting to let go, how did I manage to ignore this guy for over a week again?

Wow I must have some killer willpower when I put my mind to it.

Shane reluctantly pulled away, but only slightly as he rested his hands on the floor either side of me

"I don't think you realise how much you mean to me" his words filled up my ears, melting me inside slightly.

My breath hitched in my throat as I realised just how little distance was between us, my heart racing in my chest as if I had just completed a marathon. I didn't dare look into his eyes as he placed two fingers under my chin, lifting my head up, scared that I would completely lose all composure there and then.

This guy should come with a warning.

"Seriously" he added his voice just above a whisper. "You're my world"

I closed my eyes, my imagination going into overdrive as I tried to push my fantasies of him kissing me senseless out of my mind. That and not wanting to cry. I had heard his song, he wanted to find someone now, and this wasn't a stupid little crush he was after, it was a full blown relationship.

And I was just going to have to accept that, and make the most of words like this, knowing full well that they won't last much longer.

But I whilst my eyes were shut tightly I felt his breath tickle against my skin, the smell of his cologne becoming even stronger, his hands finding their way to my cheeks.

I went into some sort of cardiac arrest as I slowly opened my eyes as Shane's stared right back before the lowered to look at my lips. No words were exchanged, no signals made as I felt Shane's body edge towards mine, making the little distance between us nonexistent. I closed my eyes, my body aching intensely as it felt like hours before Shane's lips found mine.

Hell either this shit was happening or my imagination is incredible. I think for the best interest of the world, this better be real because I will be pissssssssssssed, is this is a dream. There was no hesitation as I began to kiss him back.

I had probably dreamed of this moment a million or more times, imagining what it would be like to have his lips on mine, and even now, I would have never been able to imagine how right it felt. My arms found their way to his neck, allowing my body to now lose balance at any moment, however as soon as my arms locked themselves around his neck, he abruptly pulled away, breaking all sort of bodily contact from me.

"Oh god" he muttered barely audibly, most probably with the intention of me not hearing him, but I heard him right.

Normally those two words wouldn't have affected me in the slightest but within a split second they filled me with fear. He had obviously regretted it.

I cautiously raised my glance to meet his; afraid that the slightest bit of eye contact may send me into a hysterical frenzy, as I unintentionally raised my finger to my lips.

His eyes were wide once more as he ran his hands through his hair. The silence, absolutely killing me.

"Shane..." I said cautiously, breaking the silence, scooting closer to him slightly.

"No Mitchie, that shouldn't have happened, this isn't what friends do!" my heart sunk as the words left his lips, my mind replaying the sentence over and over again in my head.

'This_ isn't what friends do' _

Friends.

The definition of a merely platonic relationship. And the reason as to why my heart was currently shattering into a million pieces.

"Oh" was all I could manage to say, scared that if I dare to say anything else, my voice would betray me, letting out all the emotions I was currently experiencing.

I nodded my head quickly "Sure, friends...right" I got up on my feet, harshly gulping back the sob that was forming at the bottom of my throat as I dared eye contact once more, to find him staring at his hands.

Wonderful, now we're back to square one once again. I couldn't stand the growing tension in the room any longer as I threw my head back to look at the ceiling as I took in a deep breath, trying to calm the war of emotions and thoughts currently going on inside me, before striding out of the room as quickly as I could.

"Whoa hey there pretty lady, where's the fire?" Nate exclaimed as he blocked my path in the hallway, face full of confusion.

"Let me past Nate" I ordered, my tone short.

He extended his arms out in front of him, keeping me at arm's length. "Mitch?" he raised his eyebrows, his face scrunching up slightly. Any other time I'd comment on how goddamn cute it was when any of the Gray brothers scrunched up their faces, but now, now, just no.

"Please Nate just let me pass" I now begged, losing the willpower to remain strong. "Please"

Nate pulled me into a tight embrace, as I let out a small, pathetic sob. "Mitch" he whispered into my ear "what's happened? You were all rainbows and butterflies when I left you not even 20 minutes ago?"

I raised my head from his shoulder, to look at him through now blurry eyes, I swear one day, one day I'll make it 24 hours without crying like a baby.

The male gender has done this to me.

Actually Shane has.

Either way, I blame men, because I can.

I couldn't formulate an answer as the concern in Nate's eyes grew. He pulled me out of the hallway, up the stairs at lightning speed into his room before shutting the door firmly behind us.

As soon as I heard the door click shut I let go of what little composure I had left, as I fell to the floor, burying my head in my hands

"Mitchie, what the hell has happened?"

"What has happened?" I repeated, my voice muffled as it remained covered by my hands "why don't you go and ask Mr Mindfuck downstairs"

"Mindfuck?"

I lifted my head and nodded "Yeah, it's a term that describes someone who is FUCKING WITH YOUR MIND!" The last few words came out a lot louder than I had anticipated, but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything anymore.

Side note: complete lie. I care too much. But I want to not care. I really do.

I screeched in frustration as my hands pulled at my hair, the sharp pain from my scalp, weirdly helping the pent up anger I was now releasing.

"Why would he do that?" I questioned out loud "Why the fuck would he just do that!!!!"

"Do what?" Nate asked cautiously as came down to the floor, meeting my current height.

"Freaking kiss me!"

"WHAT!" Nate shouted, his hand flying up to cover his mouth as soon as he had said it.

Alright love, I know it's a shock but don't have a stroke over it.

"Sorry" he quickly apologised, his volume significantly lower "but what?"

"One minute he was singing, the next his tongue was down my throat."

"That's a good thing though, right?" he looked at me hopeful to which I simply gave an unimpressed stare "...or not. But isn't that what you wanted? God you women are so complex. Life is so much simpler when it's just me, the Xbox and call of duty."

"Sorry to be such a disappointment to you Nate but no, this isn't what I wanted. He pulled away and basically told me he regretted it. For god knows how many years Nate I've dreamt of that moment over and over again, playing out every scenario a million times where he would just spontaneously grab me and pull me into a kiss, and there and then my life would fall into place. All the hurt and uncertainty would just disappear, because I would finally be able to call him mine. And now I've had that kiss. I had the earth shattering, pulse racing, 4th of July celebration kiss, undoubtedly the best kiss in my entire life. And he pulled away with a face of regret."

Nate's expression had turned to one of sympathy and sadness. I didn't want his sympathy. I wanted him to tell his douche of a brother to man up and make a woman out of me. But this is Nathaniel Gray and as heroic as he may be in my eyes, he would never do that. "I'm sorry Mitch"

I shrugged "Not your fault is it? It's not your fault that Shane isn't in love with me. It's not your fault that I've been so head over heels in love with him since I can remember. I just can't be dealing with the pain anymore Nate, I left because I was losing my sanity. And now I'm pretty sure it's gone. I feel myself falling; I'm so out of my depth here. Just tell me what to do Nate, please" my voice had become whiny and desperate again, my heart literally physically aching as I remained sprawled over Nate's floor, his arms now tightly wrapped around me.

"I really don't know Mitch, you know it kills me to see you like this, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you if it meant I could see you happy, and I know Shane is causing you all this pain, but I know he's the only thing that can fix everything. I still believe that you two are meant to be, as reluctant at times I am to admit it. You just realised a little before he has"

I sniffled, momentarily forcing myself to stop crying "You know, if I wasn't so crazy in love with your brother, I would have jumped your bones by now Nate. You're incredible, don't let anyone ever tell you any different, because they'll have me to answer to"

Nate didn't say anything, but just smiled and held me closer. I must have looked an absolute state, no doubt the expensive waterproof mascara I purchased in case of times like this has deceived me and is currently running down my cheeks in a mix of tears, making me look like something between a clown and a panda.

Ah the joys of being a girl.

I didn't plan on leaving Nate's embrace for the rest of the evening as I continued to sob until unconsciousness overcame me. Little did I know that the guy who had the killer grip on my heart had been on the other side of the door, listening to every word I had said.

* * *

**Well there you go, that's another chapter done and dusted! SORRY IF IT WAS CRAP AND DIDNT MAKE you happy with the ending of that chapter? Well, I am too. When I write my fic's I don't plan anything ahead so not even I was expecting that. So I'm at 132 reviews at the moment, 155 for next update my loves!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Oh, it tears me up  
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay**_

_**-James Morrison, Broken Strings.**_

See, there are times where I have to question the purpose of the male gender, sure they help reproduce the world and give you a cheap thrill when they have successfully sweet talked their way into your pants, but at the end of the day, if we could populate the world on our own, I would bin the lot of them...

Besides dearest Nathaniel of course.

Like seriously, I hate them all...okay one in particular, yeah you guessed it- him. It had been a whole two weeks since the kiss fiasco, the kiss disaster, the kiss that resulted in Armageddon, and not a word had been exchanged. I was still living with the slightly irritating but completely gorgeous in a jailbait kind of way- Nate. And no offence to the dude but I was going freaking loco. The apartment lacked any sense of female presence, the rooms all beige , sparsely decorated with music memorabilia, hell there wasn't even enough room in his bathroom cabinet for me to stock my necessities. I guess that's what you get for growing up in a household dominated by males.

But at the end of the day, this was now my home, well for the foreseeable future anyway, until I had enough money in my bank to put down a deposit on a place of my own. Which lets face isn't going to be any time soon.

Argh!

Why does Shane have to be such a fucking oblivious, gorgeous son of a bitch? All I want in the whole wide world is to be in my own living room, by the fire, wrapped up in Shane's arms as he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. For my head to be resting on his chest, hearing his heart race at a million miles per hour, and knowing that _I_ had caused that. But none of that was going to happen, was it? He had made that perfectly clear.

'_Friends don't do that'_ yeah, cool. Nice one Shane. Don't you think you could have realised that before you rammed your tongue down my throat?

No?

Well Okay then, have it your way. Like always.

I was a mess, physically and mentally. Life was dragging on, everyday blurring into the next, as Christmas fast approached. The season of good will and happiness.

Well for me it's going to be the season of having an affair with my two boyfriends Ben and Jerry numerous times. I was fed up with feeling sorry for myself , I was fed up of crying in Nate's arms night after night

I was tired of being lost.

I was a lost cause.

I uncrossed my legs as I wrapped up my last Christmas present- Shane's, leaving it till the end on purpose. It was a goal, a target. I wanted him to have it, and I wanted to be the one to give it to him under good terms. I wanted for us to be okay again before Christmas. But not even I could be certain if that would ever happen. I sighed, placing it to the corner, my mind taking me back to last Christmas, and how much happier everyone was, wishing, hoping that this year's could be the same.

I raised the class of red wine sitting beside me to the air, raising a toast to myself "here's for a Christmas miracle."

* * *

SHANE;

Ever felt that you are the biggest idiot on the face of the earth, that there surely is no one dumber than you gracing the planet?

Well that's exactly how I'm currently feeling.

I had made a monumental mistake, and I was now paying for it. I was miserable, I'm not going to lie about it. I don't know what possessed me to even kiss her in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I had wanted to do that for as long as I can remember, but it was out of character, spontaneous, and my reaction to it? Completely fucking stupid.

Truth be told, I didn't regret it, not in the slightest, I could have gone on till I was blue in the face. I could have been a man and told her how I felt, but no. Minutes after I had finally gotten back on speaking terms with her, I fuck things up and back to square one we go. And now here I was, sitting in the studio, where we should be writing songs for our new album, but instead I'm receiving a lecture from dearest little brother Nathaniel

Relationship expert extraordinaire.

Yeah, right. He may be attractive to the ladies, but that doesn't mean he can get one. His idea of a serious long term relationship is religiously watching Jennifer Aniston on friends.

"Okay I'm sick of watching two of the most important people in my life be miserable. I was determined to let you guys sort it out yourself, but it's been made perfectly clear that neither of you are willing to make the first move, so here I am, making it for you"

I sighed "Nate, please"

"No. I've sat here for weeks now watching you two get more and more distant and I won't let it happen. You're in the wrong. You need to sort your head and your heart out before I sort you out. And trust me that involves disfiguring that face of yours"

"Look, I know I was wrong...but..."

"No buts. You know, you are one prized prat. Seriously Shane sometimes I wonder how on earth you managed to keep Mitchie around until now. You struck gold with that one, but you are letting her slip through your fingers because you are too goddamn blind to realise that she is head over heels in love with you" Nate finished, his breathing now heavy and his cheeks supporting a nice red glow to them

"I know" I replied quietly, moving my gaze to the floor, feeling ashamed all of a sudden.

"WHAT!" Nate practically shouted, now grabbing the attention of Jason who was mindlessly playing on his Xbox - again."You knew!? And yet you've made her suffer through endless amounts of pain and disappointment?" Nate was now livid as he grabbed my shoulder roughly "and you fucking kissed her? What the hell is wrong with you dude. For weeks I've been on your side, cos you're my brother, but she' right, you're a mindfuck, you've been messing with her head all this time. And can you blame her for hating you? Dude, fuck you"

I felt as if I was two feet tall as I slumped my shoulders "I only found out at Thanksgiving Nate, I swear. I overheard you two talking after the...kiss. I never knew she felt that way, how long has she been, you know, in love with me?"

Nate's expression fell slightly as the colour of rage drained from his face. He ran his hands through his dishevelled curls "Do you want me to be honest with you Shane?"

I nodded, gulping harshly, my heart beginning to race all of a sudden

"Try seven years, give or take" he stated simply, shrugging as my eyes went wide

Seven years?

Seven fucking years.

"You mean all these years I've loved her and she's felt the same way?!"

"WHAT!?" Nate shouted again as I looked at him confused, why was he shouting now...oh shit, had I said that out loud.

Oh fuck my life, a little.

I bit my lip as I tried to find a way out of the inevitable confrontational talk, but I couldn't, I was surrounded, and deep down, I knew this needed to be said. "Umm yeah" I mumbled, shuffling my feet from side to side.

"Oh mother of god, I can't believe this" Nate threw his hands up in the air before bursting out in hysterical laughter

What the fuck? Someone call a doctor, I think Nathaniel has gone crazy. I stood there awkwardly as I was obviously missing the funny aspect of whatever was just said "What's so funny"

"You two. Actually not so much funny, more tragic. Why have you never said anything to me though Shane, you know you can always talk to me"

I shrugged "I don't know, I just never thought she liked me like that, I mean she never gave me any signals..."

And once again Nate went wide eyed and burst into an annoyed laughter "Are you freaking kidding me?! No signals? Okay, that new makeover – all for you. When she would cook you dinner, all for you. Never liking any of your previous whorish girlfriends, now Shane, I think you'll find that's jealousy because she's in love with you!!" Nate practically shouted, shaking me as he said each statement. "Jeez, you two are going to give me my first Grey hair aged 18 if you dont sort yourself out."

And then it clicked into place, it all made sense, why hadn't I noticed any of this before, Oh dear god, I really was an idiot.

"Shane?" Nate waved his hand in front of me, knocking me out of my thoughts as I brought my focus back to him "...do you love her?"

I nodded "Of course I do" I answered sincerely

"No, be honest here, I'm talking about love, not best friend love"

"Nate" I breathed out. I know he was only doing this for the benefit of both of us, he and Mitchie were always close but over recent weeks they have been inseparable and he would never let anything bad happen to her if he could help it. And neither would I "I'm in love with her."

I couldn't help but grin as I admitted it out loud for the first time as I repeated myself "I'm in love with Mitchie Torres" I couldn't help but love how easy the sentence came from my mouth, the feeling that was building up in the pit of my stomach

Nate smiled and let out a sigh of relief, his body relaxing significantly "then you've got to fix things Shane. You've got to tell her everything you've just told me and more."

I nodded a sudden rush of adrenaline hitting me, I was going to do this. I was going to fix things "Okay! I'll do it now. Where is she? Is she at home? In class?"

"She's at work, she gets off at 5"

"Okay!" I grabbed my coat and phone off of the desk, throwing my arms around Nate in a tight yet excited embrace before thanking him

"Now go get your girl"

I was going to get my girl.

* * *

MITCHIE:

It was a surprisingly slow day at work, and my manager had already let off two of the guys as there were simply not enough people to serve. Maybe people were taking the hint- don't spend money on the run up to Christmas on food and unnecessary things, save and buy people nice and expensive presents. Well that's what I told Nate to do, but we all know Nate's love for food.

To be honest, I think I'll be getting a bar of chocolate for Christmas, and even then, I think he'll be the one that eats it.

I sighed as I straightened out my uniform, brushing out any creases that were forming as a result of leaning against the bar all night, as my attention was caught by the doors opening, my breath catching in my throat as soon as I identified the person.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath, looking around frantically trying to find an escape. My eyes landed on the door leading into the back kitchen, my legs taking me as fast as I could as I proceeded to avoid Shane's presence.

I'd take an early break, yeah. And then he would be gone by the time I'm back and everything would go back to normal. I sunk into the chair in the staff area, unwrapping myself a sandwich I had made earlier, not feeling the need to wait around for the chef's to knock me up something this evening as I shoved it into my mouth. I let out a satisfied moan as the doors opened, Natalie, one of the waitresses came in looking flustered "You have a visitor out front, it's that sexy roommate of yours" she said with a wink

I swallowed the last bite of my sandwich as I shrugged, not caring.

"What's the deal with you two, are you beneficial friends? Is he any good?" And this reminded me as to why I never socialised with anyone from work besides Simon, because they were nosey, and always wanted a piece of the Grey's. My face flustered red slightly as mental images slipped into my thoughts involuntarily.

"Err, nothing is going on between us"

Her eyes lit up "Well I might try my luck, he's quite the catch, don't suppose you could get his number for me?"

A wave of jealousy hit me like a freight train, I was not having this loose legged slut (no offence Natalie) getting a piece of my man "Oh he's got a girlfriend. Did I forget to mention that? Yeah they are really serious actually"

Oh Mitchie, you little liar.

"Oh" her expression fell, looking a little sad for all of about ten seconds before a grin spread across her face "Oh well, he's not that fit anyway. Anyway I'll tell him you're busy" and with that she left, her heels clonking against the tiled floor.

I closed my eyes, noticing I still had 42 minutes left of my lunch hour and I was not going to waste some precious alone time. I let sleep overtake me until the alarm on my phone went off, a groan escaping my lips as I hoisted myself off of the sofa.

Glancing at the clock I had little over an hour left till the end of my shift anyway. I went back to the restaurant floor as Natalie handed her tables over to me, telling me there was a sad looking guy on table 12 that needed at little more conversation than the usual customer. I didn't mind that, normally the talkative ones leave a bigger tip, which is all welcomed in the Mitchie housing fund.

I sorted out a few payments before strolling over to table 12, a booth in the corner of the restaurant normally occupied by loved up couples. I plastered a fake smile on my face ready to make some poor guys evening a little bit easier, well that was until I saw who the guy was

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked in an icy tone. He doesn't even bother making contact with me for weeks, yet now, now of all days he strolls into my place of work.

Yeah Shane, nice one.

"I came to see you" he stated simply, raising his head from the table, butterflies erupting in my stomach the moment I caught sight of his face properly. There was no doubt that the son of a bitch sitting in front of me was getting more and more attractive as each day passed, the stubble on his face defining his jaw to perfection, the black framed glasses on his face, showing off his eyes. My eyes involuntarily closed for a second as the waft of his signature cologne filled my senses, the scent I could always associate with Shane, the scent which made me go weak at the knees.

"I'm busy, if it's not obvious enough, I'm working" I went to turn away, knowing that my other tables needed my attention far more than this indecisive loser.

"Cant you just hear me out?" he pleaded

"How about...no" and with that I turned on my heels, leaving him sitting in the booth, alone.

The remainder of my shift went fairly quickly as I managed to turn all my tables over before I had to hand over, in other words meaning I got the tips, rather than someone else for doing absolutely nothing. I swiped my card through the time clock before throwing on my coat, hat and scarf, the December weather being unusually harsh.

So harsh in fact that we had snow,

Yes I know. Texas and snow don't normally go in the same sentence as one another, but this year, it was like the South Pole.

Hello global warming is all I can say.

I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I left the staff area, striding across the restaurant floor to leave. I stole a quick glance at table twelve, noticing Shane was still there, eyes glued to me as he fumbled to pick up his coat, throwing it on in the attempts to follow me.

I quickened my pace, my legs already burning from hours of work, but I didn't care, the sooner I was home, door locked and away from him, the better.

I had almost made it successfully around the corner when I felt a hand grip onto my arm, bringing me to a complete stand still.

"Can we just talk Mitchie, just hear me out, please?" his grip tightened around my wrist as I did all in my power to break free from his hold.

I let out an unattractive scoff "Why Shane? Because funnily enough I don't fancy hearing more verbal rejection come from your mouth" I spat out, my tone blunt, a I dared to look into his eyes, my icy glare only causing his expression to fall even more. I inhaled deeply, gulping the breath back as I fought against my emotions, not wanting to show that I cared.

"Mitchie" he pleaded, his voice more demanding as he yanked my arm, spinning me around so I was now face to face with him, the wind blowing my hair in all directions, partially blocking my view of his beautiful face.

The distance between us was literally nonexistent as I let my mind wonder back to the last time we were this close, and what inevitably happened. The kiss replaying in my head, over and over again. I shivered at the thought, my body convulsing slightly as I became freezing all of a sudden, causing Shane to rub his hand up and down my arm.

My teeth dug into my bottom lip as I tried to prevent a whimper escaping my lips, I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to do this again. I was sick of the tears, the sleepless nights. I wanted to be happy, and if that meant no Shane, then so be it.

"Mitchie, please, just...5 minutes" he reasoned "five minutes, and if you don't believe me, I'll turn around and leave you alone"

I remained silent. Do I give him the time of day? My heart was screaming yes, but my head was having other ideas. I lowered my gaze to the ground, aimlessly admiring the footprints imprinted in the snow.

"Do you really hate me that much?" he let out in just above a whisper. I brought my gaze up to meet his, his eyes glistening "what happened to us Mitchie? We were unbreakable, what the hell happened?"

I couldn't formulate an answer, his sad almost desperate voice, causing sobs to build up at the back of my throat, my head throbbing from the over excessive thinking.

He sighed, finally dropping my arm from his grip, letting it fall to my side lifelessly before stuffing his cold hands into his pockets. He nodded as he let out a sad chuckle to himself, looking up to the sky as the snow continued to fall. Shane turned on his heels and began to walk down the pathway, his head hung low, causing my heart to break even more.

Don't do this Mitchie, don't let him walk away- "Shane!" I called out his name as I fastened my pace, trying to catch up to him as he came to a complete standstill, turning around looking at me from a tear streaked face.

"Five minutes"

We walked silently to the nearest cafe, the warmth hitting me as soon as I entered the building, surrounding me like a hug, my limbs slowly coming back to life as I'm pretty sure I've got frostbite. I climbed into one of the booths as Shane wordlessly went to buy us some drinks.

He set down the two cups of hot chocolate on the table as he sat opposite me, slipping off his coat, and pushing his glasses up his nose slightly.

"We need to talk" he finally spoke up, breaking the silence.

No shit Sherlock, I thought that was the whole reason I was currently sitting in some deserted cafe sitting opposite him- which by the way, whilst we're on the subject of Shane, looks incredible wearing those black framed glasses.

I nodded "yeah"

"You know that I would never _ever_ do anything to intentionally hurt you Mitchie..." he began, yet my short temper caused me to interrupt

"But you did."

He sighed, resting his hands, palm down on the table "not intentionally!" he protested, his voice raised

"I seem to remember you were the one who initiated that kiss Shane, not me. You were then the one who said it was a mistake. Not me." My voice cracked several times, it betraying me as my emotions slipped slightly.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he leaned back into the leather booth, obviously trying to figure out something. I watched curiously whilst sipping on the hot chocolate as Shane's silence continued, the atmosphere getting more and more awkward as each second passed. "But I thought...." he trailed off.

"You thought what Shane?" I asked a little annoyed, I was more than sure that his five minutes were up, but I couldn't bring myself to leaving. It was warm in here, it was the bloody Antarctic outside, and as much as I don't want to admit it, this is the most content I've been with life for weeks.

"You didn't...you didn't regret that kiss?"

It was my turn to go completely silent. It really was now or never. Everyone else on the face of the earth (well okay that's an exaggeration) knew how I felt, why not him. I inhaled deeply before evenly answering "no. well, I did when you told me you did, but otherwise no"

"Why didn't you say something then?"

I let out a slight laugh, finding him pathetically humorous "Why? Oh I don't know, maybe because I didn't want to look like a fool Shane, you're right that's not what friends do, but do you know what?! I don't want to be friends anymore"

His expression looked as if I had just killed a kitten in front of him "What? Why? I'm sorry Mitchie, I'm really sorry for everything, please, I don't know what I would do without you in my life"

"No Shane" I said softly, shaking my head "you have no idea how much you mean to me, and you have had such a massive impact on my life, you have shown me things I never thought I'd see, you have treated me like a princess, but I cant, I won't let myself go through anymore heartache. Don't you see Shane? Don't you see that we cant be friends because I'm in love with you. I cant stand around feeling the way I do, watching you with someone else, knowing that'll never be me. I cant let myself go through the pain. Losing you from my life will be excruciating, but keeping you would kill me"

There I had said it, he finally knew, he knew exactly how I felt towards him, there was no going back. I sat back all of a sudden feeling extremely vulnerable as I eagerly waited for a reply, scared of what I was about to hear.

"And I don't think you know how much you mean to me Mitchie" he counteracted "I want to let you into a little secret, but you've got to promise me not to say anything until I have finished, okay?"

I nodded, my hands gripping onto the mug of hot chocolate for dear life, my knuckles turning white.

"I may have been keeping something from you for a while now, like you did to me. You know if you had told me before how you felt, I probably would have told you my feelings. Do you remember my Cousin Cheryl's wedding, I invited you along because I didn't want to go alone..." I gave him a pointed look "okay, okay I was too scared to go alone. We were both 15 and I had never seen you in a dress since you were like four, and all I could do was just stare. You looked amazing. I had never seen you look more gorgeous up until that point. Hell I didn't even think you could look that good, no offence. I didn't know at the time, but something changed. I saw you in this completely different light, and I felt like my chest had been hit by a truck. I was confused and scared. I couldn't have a crush on my best friend. Not my Mitchie. But I did. And I watched you grow into this amazingly gorgeous woman that you are today, harbouring a crush that was progressively getting bigger and harder to hide. But I didn't want to ruin us, I, I cherish what we have so much that I just didn't want to jeopardise it. I couldn't and I cant imagine my life without you being a significant part of it. So I went through girlfriend after girlfriend hoping to find someone better than you, someone I could love without losing you. But I couldn't. I could never put much into a relationship when my heart belonged to someone else. Belonged to you. And even though it upset me every time a relationship when to bust, I was more upset that I could potentially ruin everything. And I did. When I kissed you, I ruined us. I had let my guard slip, I had broken the promise I had made myself and I lost you. But this is me Mitchie, this is me fighting for you. Because I'm done with hiding, I'm done with playing games, and now I know you feel the same, I am not letting you slip through my fingers."

I'm pretty sure I've stopped breathing. I'm pretty sure that about five minutes ago I died and went to heaven. My eyes were as wide as crop circles, my heart racing in my chest uncontrollably. Even if I wanted to say something, I simply couldn't. I was rendered speechless.

"I know I've been a fool, and I know I have put you through pain and disappointment, but let me make it up to you. I'll do anything. These past couple of months have been torturous, I felt like there was a part of me missing, and that missing piece is you. I know I'm a jerk, I know I can be selfish and stupid sometimes, but I'll change. You have always been my number one. And I guess there's just one more thing for me to say..."

"I love you" he said, intertwining his hands with mine.

My mouth went dry as I tried to process his words, surely my brain was making up shit again, either that or Shane was talking shit.

"This is your queue to speak" he prompted, as he bit his lip, his hands shaking in mine, his nerves evident.

"Don't say that" I managed to choke out, my throat feeling like sandpaper

"Why not?" he asked confused, as I pulled away from his grip entirely, putting my head in my hands, the tears soaking onto my fingers.

"You don't mean it, don't say things you don't mean Shane, I cant take any more false hope and heart ache. I just cant" I whimpered, my voice cracking, soft sobs escaping from my lips.

"I mean this Mitchie, I do, you've got to believe me when I say, that I love you. I love you, I love you, I _love you._ I've been in love with you for nearly five years, I love you so much sometimes it hurts. Just give me a chance, let me show you how sorry I am. Come back home..."

I continued to sob my mind in over drive as all my dreams were turning into reality.

He let out a defeated sigh " You're mad at me, it's okay, I cant say I blame you, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. I'm so sorry for everything" he hoisted himself off of the leather chair as he slung on his coat, his lips pursed in a tight line.

Don't do this Mitchie, do not let him walk away, you have a chance to be happy, a real chance to be happy.

I grabbed his arm, his head whipping around at lightning speed as I stood up, pulling him towards me, my body pressed up against his.

"You know sometimes actions speak louder than words" I said, looking straight into his eyes as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

A sly grin spread across Shane's lips as he raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?" he questioned, leaning in, his hot breath tickling my skin, his eyes on my lips

I pulled his head down slightly as I gently pressed my lips to his, instantly smiling against them "really".

* * *

**Well there you go, there is another glorious chapter. I bet you I post this before my other updates, which I've been working on a hell of a lot longer. But I promise you, they are coming. I have like at least 2000 words of each update written, just need to finish it. So I am currently at 163 reviews, get me to 190 and you'll get the chapter you've all been waiting for? Well a drama filled/love filled/ potentially life changing mistake filled chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

_**And I love the way you know who you are,  
And to me it's exciting,  
When you know it's meant to be,  
Everything comes naturally,  
It comes naturally,  
When you're with me baby,**_

_**Naturally-Selena Gomez**_

It had been four days since Shane and I had said everything we had been hiding for years, admitting our feelings for one another, and as stupid as it sounds, you could collaborate every single day of my life until then and it still wouldn't be as happy as these last 96 hours have been. I felt completely different. I no longer felt weighed down by my sadness and self pity, I was no longer hiding my true emotions, and I was no longer pining for affection.

I had Shane. I finally had the man of my dreams, and nothing was going to ruin this for us. And I guess that's why everyone is still clueless, because we didn't want to jinx things, not yet. Hell, we weren't even official yet (well we were, we just weren't official to the public), we wanted to take things slow, as Shane so rightly said- we had all the time in the world, what's the rush?

It was nice to have a sense of normality back in both of our lives, sure I hadn't gotten round to packing up my stuff yet and moving back into our apartment, actually until we had informed Nate about us, I think it would look a little suspicious, but things were finally looking up, like they used to be.

But here we were, chilling in Nate's apartment while Jason was passed out fast asleep in the corner of the living room tired after the guys had one of their penultimate tour rehearsals before they were set to leave me in three weeks time

Nate looked at us sceptically, his gaze shifting from myself and Shane as he continued to learn over and whisper things in my ears, causing my face to flush a noticeable shade of pink.

"You know, you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress, but its covering up too much for my liking" I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I swatted Shane's leg playfully, causing him to pout adorably at me.

"I can't help but think I'm missing out on something here" Nate asked slowly, scooting closer to the edge of the sofa, his eyes narrowing.

I bit my lip, suppressing the giggle that wanted to escape as I looked at Shane as if to say 'should we tell him' to which he nodded sending me a wink that almost put me into cardiac arrest. Shane reached for my hand, intertwining our fingers before pressing a light kiss to my lips causing Nate's eyes to go wide.

"Okay, okay, what the fuck!" Nate exclaimed excitedly "Are you two...oh my god have you two finally come to your senses?"

Neither of us could help but laugh as we both nodded, snuggling myself further into Shane "I guess you could say that" Shane said

"About fucking time!" Nate screeched, throwing his hands in the air before jumping off of the sofa and throwing himself towards us, pulling the two of us apart as he wriggled his way between us "Now that you have finally realised the more than obvious, I have a few ground rules for you..."

"Oh god here we go" Shane groaned as he rolled his eyes, causing Nate to glare

He cleared throat, putting his arms behind us "Firstly, I don't mind public displays of affection, in fact I'm all for them, but just don't get so lovey dovey that I want to empty the contents of my stomach, okay?" he paused, looking at both of us as we nodded in acknowledgement

"Good, okay secondly, I'm not stupid, I know that these have different meanings to us" pointing to the silver band resting on Shane's finger "and it's obvious that you are not going to let down the stereotype of horny teenagers, so I ask you this...please, if you can, refrain from doing it in my apartment, that would be much appreciated"

My eyes widened as I saw Shane's jaw drop slightly in my peripheral vision, obviously as taken back my Nate's statement as I was. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like I haven't thought about it but I knew that we both wanted it to be special, not just something to do straight away just to get it over and done with. Both of us agreed from when we accepted to wear purity rings a few years back that it wasn't like Jason and his vow to not have sex before he was married, but merely until we had found someone which we could see ourselves with in the future, someone we were madly in love with, to do it when the time was right. It didn't matter if it was tomorrow or in two years time. I felt the hear rise to my cheeks as I let my imagination kick in, all sorts of images or scenarios entering my mind...

Stop Mitchie, stop. This is not the time nor the place to allow yourself to get flustered.

"Err o-okay" I stuttered, feeling extremely awkward

"Amazing!" Nate exclaimed, patting both of us on the knees "There's just one more..." I looked towards Shane uneasily, not sure if we wanted to hear what he had to say next or not. Nate raised his eyebrows, noticing our exchange "No, no its nothing bad" he assured "Just...don't take this the wrong way Mitchie, I love you to pieces, and let's face it if Shane and you weren't together and madly in love I would have tried it on myself, and I have enjoyed the past few weeks but I want my apartment back. I want to be able to walk around the place in my underwear and not feel self conscious"

I scrunched up my face "Nate, you still do that!"

He let out a chuckle "Oh yeah, that's right, I do... I'm just saying, I'll miss you, but I don't want to share my bathroom cabinet with tampons anymore" and there was me thinking that I couldn't be any more embarrassed, nice one Nate, nice one.

I gave him a small smile and nodded, I mean I understood, it was only a matter of time till he would have kicked me out, and I do miss my bed...a lot.

"I second that request" Shane exclaimed excitedly, as expected. After all he had been trying to get me to come home for god knows how long now.

"When do you want me out?" I asked Nate, hoisting myself off of the sofa and into the kitchen, raising my voice so they could hear

"Well that depends if you are about to make me a sandwich" Nate said as he entered the kitchen and sat down, Shane not far behind

I sighed "For the millionth time Nate, I'm not going to make you a sandwich"

"But whyyyyyyyyyy" he whined, sticking out his bottom lip, pouting.

"Because you my dear are a sexist pig. Do I have to remind you how many times you say that women belong in the kitchen and that they need to speak less and make more sandwiches?"

Nate shrugged, not fazed by what I was saying as he sat back into the chair "It's true" he added, as I noticed Shane moving in my peripheral vision, my head slowly turning towards him to find himself abruptly stop nodding. I raised my eyebrows, folding my arms across my chest, unimpressed

"Oh, so you agree Shane?"

He shook his head "NO, no, of course not babe." He tried to recover himself as he bit his lip, which I can't help but say...looks incredibly sexy.

I brushed the comment off, opening the fridge as I pulled out a bottle of diet coke "I'll be out by the end of the week, is that okay? That way I can be settled again in time for Christmas" Christmas was a week and a half away and I was already way too excited for what the festive season had in store. Like many women in the world, I had completed my Christmas shopping many weeks ago and everything was paid for and wrapped awaiting their rightful owners in the back of my closet. However the guys... well let's just say they haven't even thought about what Christmas presents to buy people, in fact it surprised me no end when I found out the following day that all three Gray brothers had left me on my own for the day to amuse myself to go shopping.

It wasn't even Christmas Eve yet. Maybe they are finally learning the art of putting thought into a present. Then again, let's not carried away with ourselves shall we.

* * *

The next week or so flew by as it finally began to feel a lot like Christmas. After moving all of my stuff back into mine and Shane's place and cleaning up, because, let's face it, it no longer looked like a home, but more of a slum and spending all of my hard earned cash on extra presents for Shane after seeing the hoards of bags he had brought back to our house, I had subjected myself to several Christmas movie marathons with the Gray boys counting down the final hours to the big day.

"I'm not going to lie, Elf is the shittest film on the face of the planet. In fact, I feel ashamed for watching it right now" Nate said in disgust as he stuffed his mouth with yet another handful of butter popcorn as the four of us sat on the sofa.

"What!" Shane and Jason both screamed in unison, causing me to jump slightly, not really paying attention to what was going on, after all this had been the 5th Christmas film off the day. There is only so much good will Mitchie can endure before she wants to throw herself off of a multi story car park.

"I'm just saying, the acting is poor, the plot is all over the place. And the girl isn't even that pretty. I could make a better movie, hey in fact I may write a letter of complaint"

"To who?" I asked Nate "Because no offence Mr. 'I'm more arrogant today then I usually am' but the films been out years and it has made millions of dollars"

Nate rolled his eyes and stuck up his middle finger to me "Minor details princess, I'm just saying, there are better films out there. No need to get all defensive because you like will Ferrell."

Kid had a point.

"Well then Nathaniel, light of my life, and secret lover" I glanced towards Shane who looked totally unphased "What do you suggest we watch?"

He shrugged "I don't mind, you pick"

I jumped off of the sofa and placed a new DVD into the player "Okay, the Grinch it is" I said cheerfully, god this film was good.

I heard a groan behind me. I gritted my teeth "What's wrong now Nate?"

"This film is dire"

How long do you think I'd get for killing a teenage pop sensation?

* * *

The soft chimes of the antique clock on the mantel piece rang throughout the room indicating that it had struck midnight and that it was officially Christmas. I pulled out of Shane's grip slightly, his half conscious body stirring as a groan left his lips. I smiled, taking in his appearance, his dishevelled hair falling over his eyes, his bottom lip sticking out slightly as he attempted to fall back asleep. I pushed his hair out of his eyes, letting my hand sweep across his cheek before cupping it slightly, leaning over as I placed a soft kiss on his lips. I was about to pull away when I felt Shane's lips respond, lazily kissing me back, his tongue trying to gain entrance.

It's amazing what can wake someone up, aye?

I smiled against his lips before pulling away completely "Merry Christmas" I whispered into his ear as I let my head fall into the crook of his neck.

He shifted under me, hoisting himself up into a sitting position as he glanced at the clock, a wide grin spreading to his face "merry Christmas baby! Can we open presents please?" he asked excitedly the inner child showing itself

I rolled my eyes "can't you wait till the morning when everyone comes over?"

"Please Mitchie, please! Can we at least open our ones?" my defences fell, how on earth could you say no to a doe eyed Shane, pouting and bouncing up and down on the sofa like a child? You couldn't.

"Fine" I sighed, giving in,secretly wanting to open my presents. What? I was a little kid at heart- sue me.

Shane jumped off the sofa "Yay! I'll be right back I've got to go grab them" Shane hurried out the room and up the stairs as I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion my eyes already landing on the pile of presents from him in the corner. He hadn't got me more had he? That son of a bitch, well two can play that game. I rolled off of the sofa and onto my hands and knees, pulling out various wrapped up packages from under the sofa and laying the out on the floor ready for him.

I sat cross legged on the carpeted floor in front of the fire and the Christmas tree, the smell of pine feeling my senses as a smile spread across my lips, there was no way thing could possibly get any better than they were now.

Shane came trudging into the room, arms full to the brim with presents as my eyes went wide "Shane..." I said slowly as he placed them on the floor and sat opposite me, grinning.

"Yes love?"

"Please, please tell me they aren't all for me"

"Ermm....sorry?" he sheepishly smiled as I sighed once more. I had strictly told him not to go overboard, and what did he do? Ignore me. "Open this one first" he thrusted a small parcel towards me, wrapped in gold wrapping paper. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I admired his attempts of wrapping, being a typical boy and using way too much paper than necessary. I picked up the object, placing on my lap as I undid the corners, wanting to make the gift exchange between us last more than just a few minutes. It was our first Christmas as a couple, our first Christmas where we didn't depart one another's company for the day to spend it with our parents. Right here, right now it was just me and him.

A small gasp escaped my lips as I pulled out the latest iphone, hell it hadn't even been released to the general public, how on earth had he gotten his hands on it

"I know you already have a phone, but this one has video calls and you are on a contract so you can make as many international calls and messages as you want, all on me. That way we can stay in contact all the time whilst I'm on tour" I couldn't help but aww at his statement, it was obvious that all of the presents he was going to give to me had been thought out. Have I ever mentioned how much I love him?

I slipped the phone out of the box, admiring it as I turned it over noticing it had been engraved on the back _'to the girl of my dreams, I love you'_ I place the phone down carefully and crawled over to Shane kissing him quickly on the lips before sitting back down "Thank you baby"

"Oh I haven't even got started"

I unwrapped present after present, each one progressively getting more and more amazing. He had gotten me five first class tickets to various countries where he was touring so that we could at least see each other once in a while as well as the most beautiful tiffany bracelet and some other little things.

He saved the last two presents for me until I after I had given him my presents, making me more and more curious as to what they were.

"I'm sorry that they aren't as amazing as the ones you've gotten me, but remember, I'm a student. Not all of us can be famous and ridiculously good looking" I handed him a small pile of gifts, feeling bad that they couldn't even compare to what he had gotten me, but after all, it's the thought that counts right?

"Mitchie, this is amazing, thank you!" he exclaimed excitedly as he pulled out two front row tickets to the sold out one off Snow Patrol concert. I wasn't going to tell him how I had got my hands on them, or how many hours of overtime I had to endure to afford it, because his expression made it all worth it, the pure elation making me smile as well. "Nate is going to be so jealous" he added smugly

"Take him with you, you two can bond over some music" I suggested, nudging the next present towards him.

"What? No, you are coming with me, I know how much you love them, and I don't think I want to know how much these cost you, I told you not to spend a lot on me!"

I rolled my eyes "Yeah I know Shane, just like how I said the same thing to you"

Shane continued to unwrap his presents, in side, nothing amazing, some new clothes, CD's and DVDs that he wanted but was too lazy to buy himself, leaving him with one final present. The present that I had put the most time, blood, sweat and tears in to. I watched him with hopeful eyes as he unwrapped the gift, his expression softening as he caught sight of it.

"It's really cheesy I know, but we've shared so many memories together, that I made a scrap book for them" I watched as he flicked through page after page, laughing every now and then at certain photos. He stopped as he got to the numerous blank pages at the back "And they are for our future. For the memories were going to be making"

"I absolutely love it Mitchie " He looked up at me, his eyes glazed over slightly "You have no idea how happy I am" he said "Seriously, you're amazing"

I couldn't help but hide the growing blush as I tried to process his words, it didn't matter how many times he had said them, it still felt like the air was being sucked out of me every time.

"Now you have some more presents" he handed me the final two presents, my hands instinctively grabbing the bigger present of the two first.

My eyes went wide as I pulled the items from under the paper, the feeling on silk between my fingers. I looked at the lingerie intrigued, mentally impressed at the set he had chosen. Butterflies erupted in my stomach at the possible message behind them. I quickly glanced at the tag "Shane, how do you know my size" Now no offence to Shane but he wasn't smart enough to have guessed it.

His cheeks went red as he bit his lip adorably "Erm well..." he trailed off, unable to formulate a proper answer

"You went through my underwear didn't you?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded as I rolled my eyes, looking at the garments one more, extremely tempted to try them on.

Shane interrupted me out of my thoughts as he scooted next to me, handing me one last present, this one different from the rest, it was professionally wrapped up in teal paper gold ribbon holding it securely in place. I eyed to rectangular object with curiosity wondering what else he could have possibly gotten me, the paper only telling me that it was expensive. My fingers unwrapped it slowly, almost not wanting to at the sheer beauty of the paper as I pulled out a purple velvet box. I felt my heart begin to race as I opened the box, a gasp left my lips as a hand flew to my mouth. I was rendered absolutely speechless at the gift in front of me.

"Shane, I'm going to kill you" I managed to get out, as I felt that I was going to choke on my own words

"Why don't you like it?" he asked worriedly "Because I have the receipt if you don't, we can change it"

"No, its...gorgeous Shane, breath taking even, but this obviously cost way too much, I can't accept it" my eyes were focused on the necklace in the box, the beautiful white gold and diamond droplet pendant resting on a matching chain.

"Nonsense, I would have brought you the entire jewellers if I could. I would buy you the world"

I rolled my eyes "Seriously Shane, you have swallowed the cheesy love line book tonight haven't you?" I joked as I felt him move towards me, taking the necklace out of the box and placing it around my neck. He pulled my hair away slowly, placing a soft kiss on the newly exposed skin at the base of my neck before fastening the chain, letting it fall against my chest.

"Its perfect" I whispered, turning myself round to him, wrapping my arms around his muscular frame.

"Just like you then" he whispered, tightening his grip as we sat on the carpeted floor .

I slowly pulled myself from Shane's grip, letting out a content sigh as I tried to comprehend just how amazing my life was at this moment in time. I was happy, I had my health, the most amazing family and friends. And a boyfriend who was out of this world. My fingers played with the necklace, the diamond sparkling in all directions. I looked towards Shane who was humming a soft tune.

"Hey lover boy" I said just above a whisper as I played with the hem of his checker shirt.

"Hmm" he replied, looking down at me, his expression soft

"How would you like a little fashion show, you know, so you can see how all the things you got, look on me?" I bit my lip as his eyes widened

"All the things?" he asked slowly

I nodded, hoisting myself up onto my feet "Although...you got to catch me first" I started running out of the living room and made my way to the stairs Shane, not far behind me

"Hey!" he shrieked "no fair, you got a head start!"

My legs took me up the stairs as fast as they could as I ran into the bathroom, connecting to Shane's bedroom, clothes in hand, shutting the door in his face.

"Mitchie!" he whined as he banged on the door once " no fair" I couldn't help but giggle slightly as I imagined what his face looked like on the other side of the door.

I quickly changed my clothes, putting on the new set of lingerie Shane had gotten me, putting on the jumper and skirt on over it before I unlocked the door, noticing Shane was sitting on the edge of his bed.

I took several steps forward as I bit my lip as I played with the hem of the jumper Shane had bought me, the soft fabric between my fingers, as a wave of confidence hit me. Why was I nervous around Shane anyway, I loved him, and I'm pretty sure he loved me, so what was there to get anxious about?

"What do you think of the jumper and skirt?"

"You look beautiful babe" he smiled sincerely as I nodded. "As always"

I slowly pulled the jumper up, watching Shane's wide eyed expression, extending my arms above my head, removing the garment completely from my body and letting it fall to the ground. I looked towards Shane who was visibly fidgeting on the edge of the bed, his hands loosely gripping the bed sheets. I took a couple of steps forward, making the space between Shane and myself less and less.

My eyes were fixated on Shane's as my hands found their way to my waistband, fiddling with the button and zip as I slowly undid them, teasing him as I pulled the skirt down my legs, and kicking it to the side, now revealing to him the set of lingerie. The red silk, complimenting my olive complexion and dark hair. I'm not going to lie, but I couldn't have felt sexier. I closed the gap between myself and Shane even more, hearing him gulp nervously as I stopped a matter of inches away from him

"So, what do you think?" I asked sweetly, watching as his eyes worked their way up my body, lingering a little before finally attempting eye contact with me. I heard him gulp as his bit his lip, all he good do was nod, before stuttering a load of words out.

"Err, g-good. Amazing even....wow"

I smiled at his words, even if they weren't very coherent as I stood between his legs, bending down to place a quick peck on his lips, noticing his eyes were focused elsewhere. I couldn't help but laugh quickly before regaining my composure, I placed a trail of kisses across his cheek to his ear.

"Like what you see?"I asked huskily, causing Shane to grab my hips and pull me towards him, causing me to fall onto his lap.

"You know, I've always thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, but right now...right now, I'm sure that you are the most beautiful girl in the universe, and you're mine." I felt my heart surge as I literally pushed Shane back onto the bed as I crawled on top of him, my palms flat against his chest.

"Do I make you nervous Shane?" I asked him as I felt his heart pounding in his chest at a million beats per minute, his breathing shallow. He didn't answer. I leant down more, our chests pressing together, our faces only inches apart "I said, do I make you nervous Shane?"

He nodded, unable to formulate an answer as I crashed my lips down upon his in a hungry manner, a full blown make out session taking place.

Shane flipped me over as my back came into contact with the bed, the sheets feeling cool against my back as he pulled away. Shane hovered over me, propping himself up on his elbows, his eyes searching my face "What are you thinking about?" I asked gently

His cheeks went slightly pink "About how bad I want you right now" he replied quietly, almost ashamed at what he had admitted "How much I want to show you how much I love you"

Hearing those words nearly sent me into cardiac arrest as the feeling of butterflies erupted in my stomach, spreading up every limb.

"Then why don't you" the words left my lips before I could even think. Yet even when my brain caught up with my actions, I didn't try to retract my words, instead I grabbed his shirt, trying to pull him closer

"What?" Shane questioned just above a whisper, not believing what I had just said

"I want you too Shane, show me."

His eyes widened before hungrily taking my bottom lip between his, breaking the kiss almost instantly

"Are you sure want to do this Mitch?" he asked softly, his warm breath ticking my cheeks, whilst his fingers danced over the exposed skin, causing my skin to break out in goose bumps. My heart was pounding in my chest, the combination of the sheer proximity between us, my love for Shane and everything that had happened this evening making me sure that this was what I wanted.

I nodded "I love you Shane" I said with all the sincerity I could muster. A small smile spread across his lips as his hand lay flat on my stomach, as he closed the gap between us

"You have no idea how much I love you."

* * *

I sighed contently as I snuggled closer to Shane, his arm pulling me closer as the sun poked through the curtains, still half asleep. I groaned as consciousness pulled me away from my peaceful slumber, my eyes opening slowly as I noticed that I wasn't in my room. I hoisted myself up, my limps, my body aching, feeling heavy as the events of last night came flooding back to me. I couldn't help but smile, as I looked to my right, seeing Shane sleeping peacefully, his short hair sticking up on end, the light stubble defining his jaw to utter perfection, his chest moving up and down evenly.

My hand found its way to his face, as I brushed my fingers across his cheek softly, causing him to stir from his sleep and letting out a rather unattractive snort. What a nerd.

"Morning gorgeous" he mumbled, his hands rubbing at his eyes as he turned on his side to face me, the sheet failing to cover his perfected muscular chest. No Mitchie, refrain from staring.

I said stop. God sake woman, stop staring at his god damn chest.

"Morning" I replied simply, resting my head against the pillow

"Are you...okay?" his voice was soft yet wary as ran his hand up and down my arm

"Mhmm" I replied contently, nodding. I was more than alright, in fact I had just woken up from the best night of my life. It didn't matter that we had broken our vow, because I guess, in a sense, we hadn't. We both agreed to ourselves that the meaning of our love was to practice abstinence until we found someone who we could see ourselves spending the rest of our lives with. And I don't know about Shane, even though I'd like to say I do, but he is it for me. And it wasn't just a meaningless night, there were no regrets, if anything it only made me fall a little bit more in love with the loser.

"You know, I have one more present for you" he said as he slipped the silver band off of his finger and handed it to me "for you" he placed it in my palm an curled my fingers over it.

I shook my head "Shane, I can't take this" i sighed.

"Why not?" his expression fell, he looked hurt. "You regret it don't you. I said if you weren't ready we didn't have too..."

"Baby, its not that. Its just people are going to notice, your parents, your brothers, the world. If the media see this, they are going to have a field day, I just don't want you to get grief over it. It doesn't mean I regret it, in the slightest. Because I don't"

"I don't care. They can say all the things they want. They can publish it on every gossip site, I will receive lecture after lecture from my family, it doesn't matter to me, because I'll say the same thing back every time. I'm in love with you, and that I plan to spend the rest of my days showing you and letting you know that"

We may sound like a couple from a cheesy romance film. And we may be textbook cliché, but I couldn't give a damn. My heart soared at his words, I was one lucky girl.

I just hope that this isn't all one big dream.

Shane slipped the ring on my finger, the silver band too big to fit "Now come on lover boy, we better get up, your family will be here any time soon"

Let the Christmas festivities begin.

* * *

**Okay so review if you want an M rated one shot for this chapter, i didn't want to change the rating! kinda need at least 15 reviews saying yes for me to write it.  
**

**Oh my god guys 202 reviews! In seven chapters?! That is absolutely crazy and there are no words to describe how happy you have made me with that! So as promised here is part 1 of the drama filled chapters that are now taking place, nothing ever stays sweet for long.**

**201 reviews now- 230 for update? Get me to 240 and I promise you at least a 8000 word chapter!**

**Love. **


	9. Chapter 9

_**Yes, I need her in the daytime  
Yes, I need her in the night  
but I want to throw my arms around her  
Kiss her an' hug her, kiss her an' hug her tight  
Kiss her an' hug her tight, through the night**_

_**-Crazy Love- Michael Buble**_

I continued running around the house like a complete maniac, trying my hardest to get everything ready for Christmas dinner, whilst Shane lay sprawled across the sofa in the living room like the lazy ass that he is. I mean seriously, if I didn't love that son of a bitch so much I would have slapped him across the face for not pulling his weight, after all it was his idea to host the day of Christmas festivities here this year. And at a weeks' notice may I add.

Its okay Shane, really, it's not like this is a big deal or anything, it's not like it's the first time that both our families have actually spent Christmas day together because we are an item,

Oh wait, it is.

Silly me.

I slammed the turkey in the oven as I quickly gave the kitchen a once over, okay vegetables were prepared, stuffing was made; dessert was in the fridge... Nate's dessert is also in the fridge.

Yes, I had to make him his own dessert, why you ask? Because he's a fatty and not even a gigantic dinner will fill him up. Ever seen friends? I swear he's like ten times worse than Joey Tribiani and that's seriously saying something.

I heard a knock at the door, as I quickly straightened out the outfit that I was wearing before racing towards the door, don't worry Shane, don't get up.

"Coming" I shouted as the knocks persisted. I swung open the door to reveal both of our families, dressed up nicely, holding piles upon piles of gifts. "Merry Christmas" they all shouted in unison as my parents pushed past me, closely followed by Jason and the Gray parents, leaving Nate at the door, surprisingly holding nothing.

Typical Nathaniel, such a lazy ass.

He looked at me before clearing his throat, taking my hands and intertwining our fingers. I eyed him sceptically as he burst into song.

"I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need and I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree, I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know make my wish come true, Mitchie, all I want for Christmas is you" Nate shot me a wink as he finished singing, now standing in front of me arms extended for a hug. I laughed, shaking my head at him as I accepted his embrace, letting his strong arms wrap around my petite frame, my senses being filled by the smell of his signature cologne.

If there's one thing you could always count on regarding the Gray brothers was that they always smelly absolutely incredible.

"You are one weird child" I mumbled into his chest as he squeezed me tighter, lifting me off of the ground and swinging me slightly. He put me down as he pulled way, his expression one of shock.

"Me? Weird?" he gasped "Such ludicrous things you are saying recently Mitchie, I'm the most normal person you will ever come across. In fact many actually refer to me as the second coming of Christ"

I rolled my eyes, hitting Nate on the shoulder playfully "Christ, really Nate?"

He nodded enthusiastically, straightening out the crisp blue dress shirt he was wearing "Yeah, totally, so really, you should be worshipping me today, seeming as its Christmas day and all"

I scoffed, linking my arm with his as I began to lead him threw the hall way towards the living room where everyone else was currently situated "No Nate, I'll celebrate you on National beat obesity day"

Nate gasped as he ruffled my perfectly curled hair which I had totally spent too much time fussing over this morning "Bitch"

We entered the living room, both of us throwing ourselves on the spare sofa as I practically fell on top of him. "I may be a bitch, but at least I'm not a fatty"

* * *

Once the presents had been exchanged, I applied the finishing touches to Christmas dinner, rejecting help from both mine and Shane's mothers whilst the men talked about pointless, mind rotting things such as football and Xbox. I let out a sigh of relief as I placed the last dish on the table, mentally checking off everything, making sure there was absolutely nothing that I had forgotten.

"Dinner's ready" I shouted from the dining room, automatically hearing a stampede of footsteps come towards me, Nate , of course being the first person to reach the table, grabbing his chair, and holding his cutlery at the ready. The other two brothers weren't far behind him as the parents made their way civilly into the room.

"Oh darling this all looks fabulous!"My mother gushed as she took the sight of the spread before her, Mrs Gray nodding in response.

"Yes, you and Shane have done a splendid job!"

Shane looked proud as I cleared my throat giving him a knowing look "Err, mom" he began "It was actually all Mitchie" He corrected

"Shane Adam Gray, you lazy boy! What have I told you about helping a lady out, I may have expected this from you if the two of you were still friends, but since you've both finally come to your senses and become the cutest couple to grace the earth, I expected a little better" I laughed as Shane's expression fell, looking like a little boy who had just been told of by their mommy.

"Mom" he whined, uncomfortable at the attention he had now created from everyone else in the room who was now seated.

"Don't worry Denise" I said as I took my seat next to Shane, resting my head on his shoulder "he'll be doing all of the washing up, so feel free to make as much mess as you want"

Everyone laughed as Jason poured drinks, people falling into natural conversation, whilst Nate banged is knife and fork against the table impatiently, his eyes fixated on the turkey.

"Mitchie, pleaseeee can we eat" Nate begged, his mouth literally watering.

"Okay fatty mcfatty, let's say grace first yeah?" he nodded enthusiastically as we all joined hands, quickly saying grace before everyone piled mountains of food on their plates, or in Nate's case, two mountains.

Dinner went without a problem, no one complaining of food poisoning or even dying at the dining table, which is always nice, especially at your first big family occasion like this.

Shane placed his hand on my thigh, his fingers dancing over the cotton covered skin has he ate the dinner, stealing glances at me every now and again.

"Oh has Shane told you about the time some guy scared him half out of his wits because he spotted Shane from a distance and his girlfriend wanted an autograph. Poor Shane was so startled he fell backwards straight into a garbage can!" Jason told the story excitedly as his parents gave Shane an unimpressed look.

"What? No that wasn't how it happened" Shane defended "What really happened was..."

Everyone burst out laughing as Shane continued to tell everyone yet another one of his long winded stories centred around how much of a klutz he was as I placed my elbows on the table, intertwining my fingers as I rested my chin upon them. I let out a small giggle before my eyes locked with Nate, his laughter dying down as his gaze rested upon my hand, more specifically my hand, his expression hardening slightly. I followed his gaze to realise why he had become quiet all of a sudden. I slowly rose my gaze up to meet his to see his eyebrows raised looking at me pointedly

"After dinner, we talk' he mouthed as I simply nodded before forcing myself back into the conversation and hiding my hands well and truly under the table.

Trust him to notice.

I excused myself from the table a while later, collecting numerous plates on my way, taking them into the kitchen and putting them into the sink, a smile playing at my lips at how successful today had been, this has by far been the best Christmas I can remember, for numerous reasons. I turned the tap on, filling up the sink, as I heard footsteps behind me and a door close. I looked over my shoulder to see Nate standing there, shirt now pulled out of his jeans and a few buttons open, with his arms folded across his chest.

"Why hello there dearest Nathaniel, what can I do for you?" I asked sweetly as I turned my attention back to the soapy suds

"So care to explain to me why you and my brother no longer have silver bands resting on your fingers" his tone wasn't annoyed, more curious.

I put down the plate I was currently cleaning and turned around, wiping my hands on the nearest cloth "Errm, I do not know what you are on about" I lamely replied, trying my best to keep eye contact with him

Nate rolled his eyes and took a couple of steps closer "Oh c'mon Mitchie, I may not be overly bright, but I'm not an invalid, did you and Shane...you know..." he trailed off, not quite knowing how to word what he wanted to say as I felt the colour rush to my cheeks.

I shuffled my feet nervously, "Maybe" I mused

"I'll take that as a solid yes...when?"

"Last night okay, and before you ask, I don't regret it, in fact, this may sound completely cheesy but it's only made me fall in love with your brother even more. And you know what?" I continued to ramble, not giving Nate a chance to interrupt "I don't care what you or our parents say, hell I don't even care if the media catch wind of this, I love Shane. So what if we had sex, a lot of people do you know" I finished my rant, my breathing a little uneven as I fell silent.

Nate leaned against the counter "hey, it's okay you know, I'm not disappointed or anything, like I said before, the rings have different meanings to all of us, and both you and Shane agreed that the purpose of them was to remain pure until you found someone that you could see yourselves spending the rest of your lives with. And we all know that you and Shane are in it for the long run. I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

I sighed, a smile playing at my lips as I walked towards Nate, wrapping my arms around him "You care to much" I laughed lightly, looking up at him, tempted to start pulling at his curls, which by the way looked extra springy today.

"Hey, it's no secret how much I care about you Mitch; you are one of the most important people in my life. And even though I may be a year younger than you, I feel the constant need to protect you"

I let out an 'aw' as I pulled away, mentally taking note at how cute Nate was being today, and how lucky I was to know the Gray family.

"And besides" he began again, walking to my fridge and eyeing the dessert, more specifically the special chocolate cake he had requested "since you and Shane are a couple, I have taken over the role as official best friend"

"I was actually thinking of giving that role to Jason" I said as seriously as I could, crossing my arms over my chest as I waited for Nate's reaction. He spun around, detaching his eyes from the cake to look at me, jaw wide open.

"What!"He shrieked, his voice breaking slightly "how can you give that role to the air head who thinks we live in one giant game of Sims?"

"Dude chill" I put my hands up in surrender "I was joking, of course you're my number one"

"Damn straight I am, now as much as I love talking to your pretty face, I have a cake with my name on it." He grabbed the plate out of the fridge and made his way towards the door "Oh and Mitch, I'd find that ring of yours and put it back on, unless you want a birds and the bee's talk around the dining table"

* * *

"Mitchie would you hurry the hell up? The party was supposed to start an hour ago!" I heard Shane's voice bellow from his room as I tried to put the finishing touches to my makeup, I finished applying my eyeliner before putting on a coat of mascara, and lip gloss.

Once I was confident that I looked the best I was going to, I stood up, walking over the mirror. My silver dress clinging to every curve of my body perfectly, revealing just enough cleavage, well to me anyway. Ask my mother, or more specifically my father and I'm sure their opinion would be a lot different. My hair was curled and pinned up perfectly, a few loose strands framing my face, my makeup subtle yet allowed my eyes to pop. After all this was our first official public outing as a couple. Well in front of people that matter anyway. I had to look perfect.

I had to look better than all of Shane's previous squeezes, I needed the approval of people like Perez Hilton, I needed to look real, not fake and plastic like everyone else on the scene.

And I needed to make Shane realise that I was the most beautiful girl in the room, not some blonde with legs that went on for miles and her skin so orange you'd think her mother slept with a cheeto.

Call me insecure, but when you are dating a music sensation like Shane Gray and you are a nobody, you have every right to doubt yourself.

"Mitchie, seriously we've got to get..." Shane shouted again, his voice getting more and more clearer as I heard footsteps approach my room. I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the door way, mouth hanging open and eyes wide.

"What were you saying again Shane?" I asked sweetly as I turned to face him, his eyes instantly landing on my chest before eventually finding their way to my face.

"I...err... you know we could just skip this party and have a celebration of our own" he stuttered over his words as he took a few steps closer, his eyes darkening.

I laughed, rolling my eyes slightly, trying to cover up the fact that I was thinking the exact same thing. I caught sight of Shane properly for the first time, my knees going weak and my self control being pushed to its limits. I bit my lip as I shamefully gave him the once over, admiring how tight his dress pants were, leaving not a lot to the imagination. And that shirt, well, wow. Shane are you seriously trying to kill me? "As nice as that sounds Shane, there are a lot of people waiting for you to show your face tonight, after all your record label has gone out of their way to organise and throw a new year's slash Joe's birthday bash"

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me "I guess you're right"

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pulling him closer as I leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the lips, pulling away only slightly "I'm always right"

I removed myself completely for him as I grabbed my clutch bag, and straightened out my dress.

"Are you trying to kill me woman...that dress... you look absolutely sensational" I couldn't help but blush at his words as I bit my lip, even though we had been dating for nearly a month now, it still hadn't sunk in, that this fine specimen in front of me, was mine. All mine.

"You don't look so bad yourself, besides the fact that your flies are open"

Shane's eyes widened slightly before looking towards his pants, shrugging as he pulled the zipper up "The cage is open, but the beast is asleep" he huskily replied

Oh dear god, what a cringe.

"Remind me why I'm dating you again?" I shouted over my shoulder as I made my way down the stairs

"Because you love me!"

He's got that one right.

"Ah yes, that crazy little thing called love."

* * *

We arrived at the party, little after 10, a good two hours after it had kicked off, and within seconds, hoards of famous faces, I had ever only seen in people magazine swarmed around him, wishing him happy birthday for the 3rd.

It was my birthday too you know... but don't worry about me, I'm not important, I don't earn a seven figure sum every year.

I stood there, a fake smile on my face and tight lipped as I watched people greet him, giving me a dirty look (or no look at all) and walking off. Shane remaining completely gentlemanly the whole time, arm wrapped around my waist, constantly making sure I was okay as I just nodded.

This was his night, I wasn't going to ruin it.

Before I knew it, it was already close to midnight, with only fifteen minutes left of 2009, fifteen minutes to a new year, a new decade, and a new start with the man I love, and I for one was counting down the seconds till I could shout happy new year and make out with Shane in front of all these jealous girls.

We continued to dance to the latest tunes released by the labels artists, currently Keri Hilson's 'I like' playing, meaning that I was back against Shane gyrating in this short dress, while his hands were firmly placed on my ass. I threw my head back, getting lost in the music, aware that cameras were probably flashing left right and centre. I could picture the headlines now

_Does Shane Gray make those good girls go bad?_

_Shane Gray's shawty fire burning on the dance floor_

Okay, okay, cheesy I know, but it's the best I could come up with from the top of my head.

The song came to an end as I noticed some guy approach us in my peripheral vision. "Shane, my man how are you doing" I watched as Shane detached himself from me and shook the hand of the man who could be no more than ten years older than us

"Steve, nice to see you, thanks for the party, really appreciate it"

The guy, now with the identity of Steve looked around admiring the party he must of thrown "looks like everyone is having a blast, no doubt it'll be all over the gossip sites by the end of the night as the hottest New Year's party around."

Shane laughed out of politeness "No doubt man." He looked towards me and smiled "Oh Steve, this is my girlfriend Mitchie, you've probably seen her at a couple of events with me and my brothers before. Mitchie this is Steve." I extended my arm as I shook hands with him and gave him a small smile, not wanting to say anything, unless I messed things up.

"The beautiful best friend you always ranted on about?" he asked as Shane nodded. A blush coming to my cheeks at his words "So you've finally made her yours? Damn Shane, well done man, she looks like a keeper"

Steve turned his attention to me and shook his head towards Shane "he is lucky devil, make sure he treats you like a lady"

"Will do sir" I replied, playing with the bottom of my dress

"Call me Steve! Sir makes me sound old, I haven't even hit the big 'Three zero' yet. Anyway do you mind if I steal your boyfriend for a few minutes, there's a couple of people he needs to meet regarding a movie opportunity"

I glanced towards Shane who was looking at me as if he was seeking permission as I nodded, no harm could come from a few minutes "Sure, just make sure I have him back before midnight" I watched as Shane and the guy disappeared, leaving me completely on my own for the first time this evening. I wondered around the party, taking note of all the famous people crammed into one place.

_Pixie Lott...Taylor Swift...Justin Bieber_

Hold on what is Justin Bieber doing up past 9? Surely its way past his bed time. Young super stars these days. What is he? 12. I tore my eyes way from the teen 'legend' as one of his tracks filled my head, knowing that it would now be stuck there for the rest of the night.

_Baby, baby, baby oohhh._

Damn it.

I kept on scanning the room, receiving glares off of several made up girls, and the odd creepy perverted look from celebrities who I'm sure had their fifteen minutes of fame a few years back, before I saw Jason slow dancing in the corner with Keisha, looking utterly adorable. They had been dating for...well forever, and I couldn't help but to aspire to have a relationships like theirs. Full of love and understanding. And fun.

The music cut out as a everyone began to count down from ten, my eyes frantically scanned the room for Shane, noticing that he was nowhere in sight. My stomach dropped as I prepared myself for yet another new years where I had no one, that I would be seeing in 2010 on my own, in a room full of celebrities and high flyers that I didn't even know. I felt the tears build up in my eyes, knowing that I was being completely pathetic, but I was disappointed. I was going to start the year being sad.

"5....4...3...2" Everyone's voices rang through my ears as they all found their retrospective partner

"1" I closed my eyes tightly trying to drown out the three words that I was expecting to hear next when I felt a strong grip on my arm, spinning me around, crashing my body and lips against the person before I even had chance to look at who it was. My eyes opened wide with shock as I quickly glanced at whoever had whisked me off of my feet at the last second, my heart swelling as I saw Shane's adorable face, eyes closed as his lips worked hungrily against mine. I felt my body relax as one of his hands cupped my cheeks, the other at the base of my neck, his thumb moving in time with his lips. I let out an involuntary moan as he pulled away, everyone still shouting numerous 'happy new years' in the back ground as Shane looked down at me lovingly, his lips slightly swollen.

"Happy new year baby" he said barely above a whisper

"Happy new year Jackass" I replied as I poked him in the chest playfully.

"Ow!" he recoiled slightly, his eyebrows furrowing together "what was that for?"

"That" I slung my arms around his neck "That was for making me think I was going to see in new years on my own"

"But I didn't!" he pouted as he rested his forehead against mine "forgive me"

"Hmmm" I pretended to ponder as I tilted my head up slightly, forcing my lips to brush ever so lightly against his

"guys!" we heard a voice whine as we both looked around, noticing Nate was approaching us with some blonde on his arm, who I had to admit, was stunning "Can you not like suck face for one second" I rolled my eyes at the mystery girl attached to him, earning a laugh from her before diverting my gaze back to Nate.

"Oh c'mon Nate, like you weren't doing the same thing only minutes before" Nate shrugged as if to say 'fair play' as I took notice of their swollen lips and the blondes flustered face.

"Who's the girl, Romeo" Shane piped up as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, resting his head on my shoulder

"Oh. Shane, Mitchie, this is Laura, Laura this is Shane and Mitchie. I just found out she'll be one of our dancers on the tour"

We both nodded in acknowledgement "Nice to meet you" I said politely, shooting her a toothy smile

"You two, in the three hours I've known Nate he's mentioned his 'best friend in the whole wide world' quite a bit"

I rolled my eyes "Seriously Nate, mentioning another girl, is not the best way to get lucky" Nate rolled his eyes

"Anyway, nice to meet you Laura, I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of you on tour then" Shane smiled as he grabbed my hand, indicating that we should leave these two hormonal teenagers alone.

"Yeah see you soon" she smiled as Nate dragged her away with a wink.

"She seemed nice" Shane mused as we began to sway to the music, our bodies still pressed firmly together

I nodded as I let out a soft chuckle "yeah she does, looks like Nate will be getting some this tour, well not in that sense, but looks like he won't be the 'lonely gray' "

Shane intertwined our hand as he spun me around "unless he messes it up"

"Ye of little faith Shane"

We continued to dance the night away, not once leaving each other's arms, as slowly everyone else began to leave, going to various after parties.

I let out a yawn, my hand automatically going to my mouth as I tried to hide it, yet Shane had already noticed.

"You tired my lady?" he asked, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear as I shook my head, opening my eyes wider to give him the impression that I wasn't in fact falling asleep standing up.

"No" I replied, another yawn escaping my lips as I just rolled my eyes, typical.

"C'mon baby let's get you home and to bed" I didn't protest as he bent down picking me up bridal style as he began to walk to the car, letting my eyes partially close. Giving him the perfect opportunity to stare at my cleavage.

"Don't get any idea's Shane, that beast is remaining in its cage tonight"

* * *

I groaned as I felt someone poke my side, causing me to open one eye as my body begged for more sleep "Whatttt" I mumbled into the pillow

"Happy Birthday baby!" Shane whispered, his lips brushing against my ear. My eyes shot open as I hoisted myself into a sitting position. Today meant three things, three things that all brought me different emotions

It was my birthday

It was Shane's birthday

And more importantly, it was D-day. Departure day. Where my boys left me for many months whilst their rocked millions of teenage girls worlds.

I smiled at him as my gaze travelled to what he was holding. "What's this?" I asked, as became fully conscious

He beamed, handing me the tray " I made you breakfast in bed, I didn't know what you'd like so there's some cereal, scrambled eggs and toast. Then there's tea, coffee, orange juice, milk. But I can make you something else if you want" he looked so full of pride at what he created, that I simply didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't even hungry

"It's absolutely perfect Shane, but you didn't have to, it's your birthday too"

He crawled beside me, sliding back under the covers, stealing a piece of my toast and cramming it in his mouth "Trust me babe, you being with me is the best birthday present I could ever have"

"Oh so you wouldn't want this?" I questioned curiously as I leaned over to my side of the bed, revealing a carefully wrapped present.

"Now I didn't say that" he grabbed the present off of me, placing it on his lap, shaking it slightly like a little kid, trying to guess what it could possibly be. I sat crossed legged watching as he opened it, his eyes widening as he caught sight of what was inside.

"Oh my god, these are incredible" he said pulling out the pair of customised hi-top Nike's, knowing that he had been obsessed with them forever. No joke, the kid had at least 10 pairs.

"I thought you'd like them, no one else in the world has a pair like yours"

"They are brilliant, I'm going to wear them all the time" he looked at them lovingly as I mentally wished that he would look at me with that look a little more often. Joke. He does. "Oh, here's just a little something for you, seeming as you had to gate crash my birthday"

Shane handed me a gold envelope, my name scribbled on the front in Shane's 2 year old looking handwriting. I unfolded the envelope to pull out two tickets, a squeal leaving my lips as I read them.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Oh my freaking GOD!" I jumped up and down like a kid on crack as I reread the name on the tickets over and over again

"Front row, all access passes to see Michael Buble! Shane! Oh my God! He's going to meet me." My mouth fell open "He's going to sing that he hasn't met me yet, but he will. Shane this is the best present ever" I discarded the tray on my bedside table before literally jumping the boy ,causing him to fall backwards onto the pillows "thank you, baby" I hung onto him for dear life, relishing this moment, knowing that it was the last morning where I would be waking up beside him for quite some time.

I don't know how long we were laying there, just holding one another, it could have been minutes or even hours, but it was all about to come to an end

"Mitch" he whispered in my ear " We've got to get going, our flight leaves in just over an hour" I sighed, pulling myself off of him and hoisting myself off the bed, trying to hide the tears that were already forming at my eyes "O-oh yeah" my voice cracked "I'll just go and get ready"

* * *

"Do you guys have to go?" I whined pathetically as I followed them towards the departure lounge, feeling that this simply isn't the way I should be spending my birthday

"We've been looking forward to this tour for forever Mitchie, you know that if we could bring you along with us, we would" Jason replied as he bounded towards the departure gates

"Well I think you all suck to be honest. I'm only little, can't you just shove me in one of your suitcases?"

Shane looked over his shoulder at me "Sorry no can do my lady, my suitcase is full of clothes, Nate's full of food and Jason's well... probably stuffed animals and magic tricks, you never really can be sure with that one"

"Sounds like Jason" we reached the departure lounge, all three of the brothers placing their hand luggage as we prepared to say our goodbyes, Jason being the first brother to do so.

"Mish mish, I'm going to miss you" he frowned, looking like a child who has just had his favourite toy taken from him.

"I'm going to miss you too Jay, c'mere" I extended my arms out to him as he gladly accepted

"Look after Keisha for me yeah?" he asked, squeezing me so tightly I'm pretty sure I lost the ability to breathe.

"I will, as long as you keep in touch okay? I expect a text daily, informing me on what happened that day, okay?"

"Deal" Jason bent down and kissed me on the cheek as Nate stepped forward

"Oh baby gal I is going to miss you so much boo" he said in a voice I could not identify to anything as he pouted.

I rolled my eyes "Don't ever talk like that again"

"But why sexy, you is my world."

I couldn't help but laugh at him, I was honestly going to miss him and his crazy ways. No matter how much he annoys me. "Because you sound illiterate, uneducated and plain stupid."

A hand flew to Nate's chest as he feigned hurt "Mitchie, your words, they cut so deep"

"Oh shut up you pansy and come and give me a hug" I watched in amusement as Nate skipped towards me, resembling a 13 year old girl before leaping into my arms, wrapping his legs around my waist.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Pain.

"Nate. Get. Off. Me" I struggled to say between breaths "You. Fatty"

"Dude get off my girlfriend you fat ass" Shane called, causing Nate to drop his legs from my waist and pull me into a hug

"I'm not that fat am I?" he asked quietly "I didn't hurt you did I?"

I shook my head "No, no you didn't. Now go on, be gone with you"

He gave me one of his famous lopsided smiles as pulled at one of his curls, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek

"You got my number call me babes"

"Bye loser"

I turned around, now only one Gray brother awaiting a goodbye from me, the one which I really, really didn't want to say goodbye to, his face mirroring the exact same thoughts. It wasn't even like this was something new, this happened several times a year where I had to say goodbye to Shane and his brothers as they concurred the world, but this was different, this was the first time that Shane was leaving me as my significant other. And even though he hadn't actually boarded the plane yet and was only a matter of feet away from me, I was missing him already. Pretty pathetic aye? I know, I know, I've turned into such a sap recently.

I took a few steps towards him slowly, my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I felt tears well up around my eyes. I stopped a matter of inches away from him motionlessly, not sure of what to do, knowing that anything I would do, would be it for god knows how long. I fought back the sobs forming at the bottom of my throat as I felt my lip quiver, a single tear escaping as it rolled down my cheek.

"Hey now" Shane hushed as he closed the distance between us, bringing his hand to my cheek, wiping away the stray tear. I moved into his touch, closing my eyes momentarily as I wondered why on earth he needed to leave me.

Because he's a superstar Mitchie, this is his job, his dream.

"I don't want you to go" I replied lamely, my voice cracking several times as my emotions betrayed me, my gaze dropping to the floor.

"trust me I don't want to leave you either, but you have the tickets, you can visit" he said reassuringly, his hands running up and down my arms as I nodded, remaining silent.

"I'll miss you"

He placed two fingers under my chin, lifting my head up to look into my eyes "I'll miss you too, but this isn't goodbye babes, I'll call, text you, I'll video chat you whenever I can, we'll be okay."

I choked back a sob as he engulfed me in his arms, his hands making their way up and down my back as I buried my head in his chest. "I love you Mitchie, you know that? I know things aren't always exactly easy for us, but don't ever doubt for a second that I don't love you"

And then I gave up holding in the sobs, as I quietly cried, my hands clingy onto his shirt as he place his chin on my head "Shh, don't cry, I hate it when you cry"

I sniffle, slowly and reluctantly pulling out of Shane's grip slightly as I looked him in the eyes, noticing that his too were glazed over.

"I don't want to interrupt or anything, but we gotta board man" Nate tapped Shane's shoulder, his expression full of regret as Shane nodded.

He sighed as he moved both his hands to my cheeks, his thumbs grazing against my skin as I tilted my head up, giving him a small but sad smile. My heart began to pound in my chest even more so than before as he leaned down, his lips brushing against mine as I let out an involuntary shudder. His lips pressed against mine for a second time as my arms worked their way around his neck, as our lips moved in time against each other. I pressed my body firmer against his chest as the kiss got more hungry, both of us knowing that this would be the last time we would be able to do this for months. With regret, I pulled away gasping for air as our lips parted, both our chests heaving slightly as we looked at each other.

"I gotta go Mitch" he said sadly as I nodded.

"I love you, I really really love you" I admitted as I wrapped my arms around him one last time, not wanting to let go. He pulled away only seconds later, bending down to grab his hand luggage before throwing it over his shoulder, glancing over to his brothers who were already waiting at the terminal gate. He snapped his head around to look at me one last time, his lips pressed together in a tight line as his eyes remained to glisten, no doubt his vision as blurry as mine currently were.

"Look after yourself, okay? And remember, if you need me, I'll be on the first plane back, I don't care if I have a crowd of 20,000 teenage girls waiting to eye rape me on stage, got it?"

I couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle, his attempt to lighten the mood, working, but only slightly "I'm a big girl Shane, I'll be fine, but I'm not you'll be the first to know"

He smiled before placing a light kiss on my nose "see you soon" I watched him turn around as those last three words lingered in my head. See you soon. We never said goodbye, it was one of our things, goodbye is too serious, too final. My eyes were fixated on all three of their bodies moving further and further away from me, finally reaching the point of no return. Nate and Jason handed over their tickets to the flight assistant before making their way down the gate before disappearing out of sight completely, leaving Shane, taking the ticket out of his jacket pocket. Once the ticket was handed back he took a couple of steps forward, my stomach dropping. I turned around, not wanting to start blubbering in public for a second longer, my legs slowly carrying me to the departures lounge.

"Mitchie!" my body whipped around at the sound of my voice being called from the distance, my eyes searching the source of the sound before landing on Shane. I furrowed my eyes in confusion as I looked at him.

"I forgot to say something." He shouted, now gaining the attention of numerous travellers, watching the exchange between us "I LOVE YOU!" I shook my head in amusement as he professed his love to me, fully aware that there are hoards of insiders and paparazzi lurking about. I guess I'll have to get used to seeing my face spread across Perez Hilton and Ocean up on a daily basis.

Note to self; lose some of that Christmas weight, they say the camera always adds ten pounds, and with the amount of cameras that will be on me, I dare to think what I'll look like.

He shot me a toothy grin and waved goodbye before finally speeding out of sight. I sighed walking towards the glass windows giving me perfect sight of the runway as I watched the boys enter their private jet, alongside their numerous crew members. I ran a hand through my hair, mentally taking note at what a rollercoaster of a birthday this has been for me and Shane, and how I'll be finishing it off alone in a cold apartment.

I watched as the plane taxied down the runway before taking off, reaching higher and higher into the sky before I simply couldn't see it anymore, the distance between myself and Shane growing as every second passed. I let out a sad sigh, as I finally tore my eyes away from the window, turning slowly as I hoisted my bag over my shoulder. I had always strived on my independence, I knew what this should have felt like, but I honestly couldn't explain it as anything less than excruciating. I wrapped my arms around myself as the chilly January air hit me. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, as my heart swelled as I saw his name on my screen

_It'll be over before you know it_

I ran my thumb over the screen, trying to reassure myself by the text, it'll be over before I know it. Sixteen weeks before I could cuddle up with Shane on our sofa again. Not having to worry about anything. I don't care what Shane says, sixteen weeks is a long time, and I for one don't think I'm going to survive it.

* * *

**Okay guys, I'm not going to lie, but I actually love you all, you are fantastic. Seriously 36 reviews for the last chapter? You are incredible, you are seriously brilliant. Anyway I will eventually/soonish post that M rated one shot but I am so busy with exams at the moment that it may be a couple of weeks, I just wanted to give you this update sooner rather than later.**

**Tell me what you think. Also did we like Nate's squeeze for new years? It's weird how she has the same name and hair colour as me... hmm... hahah. Oh sorry if I can't have Nick Jonas in real life, I'll bloody have him in the fictional sense. And my over use of Michael Buble? Well i saw him live a week ago in London and now...now i'm in love with him.  
**

**So we are at 238 reviews right now...270 for next chapter? Get me to 280(or even 275) and you'll get your M rated one shot with the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

_**And I know that it's a wonderful world, but I can't feel it right now**_

_**I thought that I was doin' well; but I just wanna cry now.**_

_**Wonderful World - James Morrison**_

Life is lonely when everyone that made each day pass with a smile is on the other side of the world singing their hearts out. I'm not going to lie, I was bored, and disappointed at what life was throwing at me. It had only been a week since they had left and I've found myself throwing myself into my work more, doing even better at My studies an actually making an effort of making new friends. No really, I, Mitchie Torres now had friends outside the gray brothers. Hard to believe, I know.

But here I was, returning from a night out with the girls (and guy), my feet aching and my ears ringing from the music as I stumbled into my apartment, a little bit buzzed. Okay, I know I'm underage but some kind men at the bar offered to buy us 'pretty ladies' a drink, rejecting that would just be rude. And I for one was not a rude person.

Well, not all the time anyway. I had to admit, I had had fun tonight, it beat sitting at home watching back to back re run with whatever the hell the TV had to offer me, and binging on food that would no doubt make me a little bit more obese as each day passed. Besides, it was nice to take my mind off of how much I was missing Shane (and the other two, but mainly Shane). I ignored the beeping of my answer machine, indicating that Shane had no doubt left me various messages throughout the night as I dragged myself up the stairs, falling over several times as I carried my heels in my hands. I was already coming down from my alcohol induced high as I threw myself onto my bed, not bothering changing as my head began to pound to the extent I could hear it. I groaned, my hands reaching for the nearest pillow as I put it over my face, the cold surface cooling down my flustered cheeks. Eugh, remind me why I drank tonight again?

* * *

"Oh c'mon Mitch, just turn on your laptop, this is the only free time I'm going to have for a couple of days, I want to see your face, I miss you" I rolled my eyes as Shane begged down the phone to me, not giving the subject up. He wanted to video chat. It was 4am. Four fucking am. Why am I awake you ask? I'll tell you, because the idiot that I call my boyfriend forgot the current time difference and thought it was 8 in the evening, how very wrong he was. I groaned as I tried to wake up, mentally cursing Shane as I could have had another 4 hours of potential sleep.

"Shane" I whined, my voice tired "it's four in the morning and I look like shit"

"Baby, you always look beautiful to me, please"

I sighed in defeat as I pulled my laptop off of the side, waiting as it booted up, my body slowly becoming more and more alert. I opened video chat to see Shane already online waiting for me. I double clicked on his username as I brushed my hair with my fingers, trying to make myself look the slightest bit presentable, even though I knew there was no point. I cringed as my webcam turned on, my face popping up on my screen, my eyes had remnants of the day before's make up where I had unsuccessfully removed my mascara, my skin pale and my hair sticking up at all directions. If this didn't make Shane question why he loved me, I don't know what would.

"Morning beautiful" Shane's voice echoed through the speakers of my laptop as he shot me one of his million dollar smiles. He looked absolutely perfect…as always. "I've missed you." he added sincerely

"I miss you too" more than I would ever let on. Apparently looking like a stalker isn't attractive.

"How are you? You look a little pale" He leant towards the camera, obviously taking a better look at my face on his laptop screen

"Shane, is that a polite way of telling me that I look like shit?" I asked half jokingly, half ready to bite his head off if he said the wrong thing.

"What?" he exclaimed "No, no, no. Of course not, you know I think you look beautiful no matter what. It's just, are you feeling okay?"

I sighed, blinking a few times quickly "I'm okay, just been feeling a little off colour the past few hours, I think I may have cooked something dodgy"

"Aww babe" he cooed "This is why you don't cook often"

I rolled my eyes, what a bitch. I cooked all the time and never gave myself food poisoning "Well who else is going to supply me with food whilst you're away?"

"Paolo's pizza place" Shane replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Unlike you Shane, I couldn't live off of take outs everyday of the week, I'm not a bum"

Shane gasped, clutching his chest "Ouch Mitch, that hurt. You're feisty when you're sleep deprived"

I never did get back to sleep as Shane wouldn't stop talking until I had to get ready for class, and even then he begged me to ditch. The offer was tempting, I'd give him that. I felt like death warmed up and I would have done anything to just stay in bed and sleep the day away, but I couldn't, I had a stupid class that I had to attend. Class went by slowly as usual, the same professor talking for the entire two hours in his monotone voice about something I just didn't give a crap about. I sighed in relief as the clock struck eleven, literally dashing out of the classroom as quickly as my tired body would let me, knowing that my bed was only a matter of minutes away.

I took a few deep breaths as I tried to steady myself against the wall, numerous busy students racing past me at a million miles per hour trying to make their next class on time. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to push away the uneasy feeling I was experiencing, the urge to run to the nearest bathroom overwhelming. I groaned as it felt like my stomach was churning like a washing machine, my head throbbing and my body completely exhausted, despite the twelve hours sleep I had got the night before. I continued walking slowly down the corridor, feeling more and more light headed with each step I took, before I couldn't handle it any longer, I picked up the pace, dashing for the nearest bathroom as I threw myself into a cubicle locking it behind me. I fell to my knees as I gripped the toilet seat, not caring how many potential diseases I may catch as a result as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the pan. Well isn't this lovely, this has to be one of my favourite past times, I kid you not. I mean who doesn't enjoy throwing up in the middle of college, knowing that you'd be heard by various other people. By the time I could bring myself to leave the bathroom, the muscles around my stomach ached, a sweat forming on my forehead. I glanced at the mirror quickly on my way out, my face as white as a sheet, my eyes sunken from the lack of sleep I got the night before. Sexy.

As soon as I let myself into the house I collapsed on the sofa, my body not possessing enough energy to make it up the stairs. Ugh, its official, I am never going to cook again. Never. Why would I subject myself to feeling this shit? I shut my phone off; not wanting any interruptions from anyone as sleep quickly overtook my body. I just prayed to god that I would feel better when I woke.

* * *

Day three of feeling absolutely lousy and I've ruled out the possibility of my dodgy cooking giving me food poisoning. I Didn't have the flu, and I don't think whatever this is, is terminal (at least I really hope its not). All I know is that I am currently sprawled on my bathroom floor, my face as white as paper as my hair stuck up in numerous directions, but mainly to my face. It wasn't pretty. It was repulsive. I clung on to the porcelain bowl of the toilet, my knuckles white as I gripped on for dear life, my stomach feeling uneasy, when my cell rang from beside me.

"Hello" I answered groggily as I managed to remove my head from the toilet, strands of hair still sticking to my lips.

"Mitchie!" Nate exclaimed excitedly causing me to wince at the sound of his voice "How is my favourite girl doing recently, I'm sorry that it's been a few days since any of us called, it's been absolutely hectic" I got off of my knees and sat cross legged, my back leaning against the wall as I let out a deep breath trying to ease the churning feeling in my stomach.

I groaned "not amazing. I'm ill"

"What? You never get ill…"

"I know, for the past like I don't know…3 days I've woken up and just thrown up constantly. I'm more tired, but by the afternoon I feel absolutely fine again, it's weird. I don't think it's food poisoning or a virus."

I waited for Nate to reply on the other end of the line but several seconds passed and all I heard was silence. "Nate?" I prompted

I heard Nate exhale deeply on the other end of the phone.

"Mitch now please don't get weirded out by this question but when do you normally come on for…you know" I furrowed my eyebrows together, why on earth was Nate asking me about periods? God this kid was strange.

"Around the 10th, why?" I replied, not understanding the reasoning's behind his question

"Mitch..." he replied slowly "today's the seventeenth. Are you sure that this sickness isn't down to anything else?"

My eyes went wide at the realisation of what he was saying "No, no, NO! I cannot be pregnant. There's no way...' I laughed in disbelief, Nate sure was a joker.

I heard a door shutting, Nate obviously excusing himself from the earshot of anybody else "Are you sure? So you're on birth control and that? And Shane used a condom?" his voice was serious, he actually meant it.

I put one hand on my head, the urge to throw up the contents of my stomach returning. Fuck my life. I sighed, "No I'm not on the pill, before that night I didn't have any reason to be on it" and that was the truth, why take something I don't need?

"Then please for the love of god tell me that Shane stuck something on the end of it" he whisper shouted.

"I-I-I don't know!" I exclaimed, my head spinning as emotions were starting to get the better of me, tears brimming my eyes. "It just happened you know, we were too wrapped up in the moment...I can't remember Nate' my voice began to crack as it all became too much to comprehend.

What if I was pregnant, what would I do? I couldn't ruin Shane's career with this. If the press caught on that his new girlfriend of a matter of weeks manages to seduce him and get pregnant they would have a field day. The band would be over. I couldn't be the reason for that.

Oh god what would our parents say... Oh god. Just no.

"Mitchie, you need to go and get a test, put your mind at rest, and if you aren't-great. If you are then well all sort it out together"

"You can't tell Shane! Don't tell Shane…not yet!" My voice was desperate as I begged Nate.

"I won't" he promised "Look I'm going to get Jason to make Keisha pick you up so you're not alone okay? And you call me as soon as you know. Whatever happens know that I love you and it'll be okay."

I sniffled back the tears as I nodded, mentally cursing myself as I realised he couldn't see that "Okay, love you Nate"

"Love you too Mitch" I closed my eyes as I was greeted by the dialling tone, when the fuck did my life turn to shit?

I shakily picked myself off of the floor, my limbs feeling heavy, my head throbbing as I dragged myself to the sink, splashing cold water on my face. I grabbed the nearest comb, brushing through the endless knots entangled in my hair, and slung on some new sweats. I was not in the mind set prior to the phone call to make an effort for anything or anyone.

Now was not any different.

I waited patiently on my porch step, phone in hand as I waited for Keisha, the cool January breeze causing my skin to break out in goose bumps, regardless of the layers I was currently wearing. Not even ten minutes later I heard a car pull up in front of me. My gaze slowly rising to meet the concerned look of one of my best friends.

She rushed up the pathway as I continued to sit frozen to the spot, the lack of energy and my brain over processing giving me no reason to move from my current spot.

"Mitch" she knelt down beside me, the wind blowing her hair across her face as she looked at me through worried eyes "What's happened, Jason told me that Nate wanted me here as soon as possible, that we need to go to the pharmacy or something"

I closed my eyes momentarily and nodded "Yeah" I breathed, just above a whisper. I felt my body jerk slightly as I realised I was crying, tears running freely down my cheeks.

"Seriously Mitchie, you're worrying me, what's happened? You know you can tell me anything" she got up, extending her hand towards me as I accepted, hoisting myself into a standing position as I just wrapped my arms around her. Sobs racking through me.

"I have potentially fucked up everything Kay, like legit ruined everything" I mumbled into her jacket, my breathing heavy. I pulled away slowly, raising my head to look at her, as she had a good five inches height advantage "I-I may be p-pregnant" I stuttered out, her eyes going wide as soon as the words had left my lips

"W-what? How is that even possible you and Shane haven't even…" She didn't know, neither did Jason, or anyone besides Nate for that matter, the minute after Nate confronted me on Christmas day I forced Shane to put his ring back on and keep everything quiet, telling him that now simply wasn't the time to cause unwanted press coverage on our private life's, not when they have a tour and a new album to be promoting.

I bit my lip and winced slightly, she caught on "What! When the hell was this…" her tone was soft, she wasn't angry, just surprised

"Christmas eve…and maybe a couple of times after" She nodded slowly, trying to understand everything I was telling her, as she pulled me towards her car.

"Let's get you a test, no point wasting time" I wordlessly got in her car, as she sped down the road to the local chemist. I stared out the window, watching numerous houses and trees pass me buy before looking to the sky, wondering if Shane could sense something was up.

* * *

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I continued to keep my eyes shut tightly, not wanting to look at the White stick in my hand. "Mitch it's time"

My breathing became heavier and heavier as my heart began to race in my chest, the stick I would clamp my eyes on in a matter of seconds hand the potential of deciding my future forever. I was barely 19,I wasn't ready for that shit.

I nodded taking a sharp intake of breath my eyes opening slowly, my eyes finding their way to the stick.

"We need to take another test" I said hurriedly, whipping my head around to look at Keisha who was sitting in the corner, her expression anxious.

"What, why?" she asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Because this one is broken!" I exclaimed loudly, throwing the test across the bathroom as it hit the wall, only a metre or so away from her. I buried my head in my hands and took a deep breath "We need another one, it's broken" I repeated more calmly.

I heard her get up off of the tiled floor, picking up the test and sitting beside me "Mitch, Mitch look at me" I didn't budge, I wanted to curl up into a ball, and die.

Or maybe just wake up and realise that the past few hours have just been one massive nightmare, and that I'd wake up laughing. Yeah, that has to happen.

"Mitchie. Look. At. Me." her voice was demanding as I pulled my head out of my lap, hair stuck to my face as a result of the endless flow of tears and sweat. I couldn't get more attractive if I tried. "It's positive, you're pregnant". And just like that I felt my world literally crash around me, like a ton of bricks had been poured onto my body. Truth is, I knew the outcome a couple of minutes ago, but it didn't feel real, my eyes had obviously been deceiving me, but then Keisha had to confirm the worst possible news.

Don't get me wrong, a baby was always a blessing, something to show the love between two people, but the timing… the timing was awful. I always imagined having kids with Shane, ever since the moment I realised I was head over heels in love with him, but I imagined us being married, being a few years older, more mature, responsible. Not 19, still in college, unwed with the vows that we would try and abstain from sex until marriage. There was one thing about the media finding out that Shane had broken his vow, but it's another finding out that he broke his vow and got me pregnant. It would damage his career, it would lose all credibility for the band and what they stood for, and I couldn't be the reason for that. I just…couldn't. I'd never forgive myself and I couldn't have Shane grow to resent me and the baby.

All I could do was nod, my body unable to do anything else as I looked at Keisha blankly. "What are you going to do?" she asked, as overwhelmed as me.

"Keep it" that was a no brainer, there was no way that I could abort my baby. No way.

"You've got to tell Shane, you've got to get over to England, now."

"No" I shrieked "Just no. I can't tell Shane yet….I need Nate" I sobbed, I needed Nate, he'd fix things for me, he didn't get me pregnant. He wouldn't hate me, at least I don't think he'd hate me. Keisha didn't know what to do, and I can't say I blame her, hell, I didn't know what to do. She pulled out her cell from her pocket, quickly dialling a number she had grown familiar to over the years and passed the phone to me. My shaky hands grasped the phone as I put it to my ear, waiting anxiously for the call to connect.

"Ugh, hello" a groggy voice answered, shit, I glanced at the clock, realising that with the time difference, it was little after two in the morning.

"Shit Nate, I'm sorry, I'll call back later" I stuttered out, my voice cracking left, right and centre as I rubbed my free hand up and down my leg.

I went to hang up when I heard rustling on the other end of the line, a voice interrupting me "No, No! I'm here talk" he began, his voice now a lot more awake

"Ugh Nate will you shut the fuck up" I heard Shane grumble in the background, obviously still half asleep. I couldn't help but let a tiny smile pull at my lips as I imagined him in his half conscious state, looking adorable as per usual.

"Shhh, go back to sleep Shane, think of Mitchie"

"Mmm Mitchie" he mumbled to which I rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was such a loser.

"Hold on a sec, I'm just going to switch rooms" I nodded, knowing full well he couldn't see me as I sat silently, tears every now and then rolling down my cheeks as I waited for Nate to respond "Mitch, you still there?" his voice broke the silence, causing me to jump slightly.

I let out a tired sigh, my body ready for many hours of undisturbed sleep "Yeah, I'm still here" unfortunately. I added in my head.

"So, did you…you know…" Nate began, unsure of what to say or even how to word his thoughts.

"Take the test?" I finished his sentence for him to which he mumbled a yes in response "Yeah I have".

"And? He prompted as I went silent.

I looked over my shoulder to notice that Keisha had left the room to give me some privacy. I took a sharp in take of breath as the words left my lips. "Congratulations Nate, you're going to be an uncle" I rubbed my temple with my free hand, the crying and over thinking giving me a pounding headache.

"Fuck" he muttered. Yes Nate, fuck indeed, a fuck is what got me into this mess. "Are you alright?"

"Well that's a stupid question Nate, even for you, what do you think?" I snapped, my tone blunt "I'm sorry" I quickly apologised. "No I'm not alright Nate, everything is so messed up, and I don't know what to do"

"I wish I knew what to say Mitch, I really do, but the only thing I do know is that you've got to tell my brother"

"No!" I exclaimed loudly "No Nate, I can't! I can't tell him!" I felt tears fall from my eyes for the millionth time today as I practically pleaded to Nate.

"He has a right to know Mitchie!" he practically shouted in response

"Don't you think I know that? But you've got to understand Nate, I can't tell him now, I just can't. I can't be the one you all blame this on. The only thing I've wanted for years and years is for Shane to be mine, and I've finally got that. What would you be like if I just dropped this massive bombshell on you that I was carrying your baby? And don't say happy Nate, because that's bullshit, you'd be scared shitless and you would want to do a runner. Not to mention the fact that you're all in a famous band, imagine what would happen if the press caught wind of this? Your credibility would plummet, the celibate band with the front man who is going to become a dad? Yeah because that sounds right! He'd resent me, you're all going to resent me, and I can't have that. I can't ruin this for you." I was breathing heavily by the end of my mini rant, the urge to punch a wall, overwhelming.

Nate didn't reply for a couple of minutes, knowing that every word I had spoken was right "we wouldn't resent you Mitchie, you mean too much to us, Shane loves you, I love you, Jason loves you"

"You say that now, but when you're hounded by paparazzi and reporters interrogating you, and when not so pleasant articles are published about you guys, I'm sure that won't be the case"

He exhaled deeply as I could just imagine him running his hand through his curly hair "I'm not going to lie to you Mitchie, we would get an ear full, but at the end of the day, you mean so much more to us than everything else." I mumbled an incoherent response knowing that I was right, and no matter how much I protested that I would be getting the same reply.

"I want you on the next flight over here" Nate ordered, his voice forceful yet soft.

I shook my head "no Nate, I'm not going anywhere" Truth was, that I would run to the airport bare foot if it meant that I could be with them, to just have Shane hold me in his arms, for Nate to fix things, and for Jason to make me laugh. But it was better if I stayed here, I was a liability. You know what they say; out of sight, out of mind.

"Look, I'm not taking no for an answer, I've already booked you on a flight, you will be at the airport in 6 hours time and you will board that flight. If I don't see you on British soil in 16 hours time, I will hunt you down."

I sighed in defeat letting my heart take control over my head "Okay."

"And we're going to talk about this"

"Okay" highly unlikely Nate, no offence but I would be quite happy if we don't mention this again for…I don't know…another 8 months? And even then I still don't think I will want to. I appreciate your determination though.

"And we'll work out what to do next" Nate added

"Okay" I responded again. My voice bored.

"And you will tell Shane"

"Okay" No. God no. Not going to happen, not until I am the size of a house and there is no way of hiding this fucked up situation.

"Brilliant" he concluded "Now go pack and get some rest, I'll see you soon okay? I love you, never forget that. Never"

I closed my eyes momentarily leaning against the porcelain toilet, wanting to burst out into tears again at just how amazing Nate was being. Why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he disappointed? I wanted him to shout at me, to let me know that this situation was fucked up. But he didn't, he was there for me, and for that I was lucky "Okay. I love you too" I mumbled my goodbyes and hung up, slowly dragging myself up of the floor as every part of me felt heavy and in desperate need of rest. Keisha was waiting patiently in the living room, her expression telling me she was deep in thought as I handed her phone back thanking her. I told her what was happening next and echoed what Nate had told me minutes before.

Tell Shane, figure out what to do now, get some rest.

Yes mother 2. She left me alone in the oversized apartment after helping me pack a small suitcase, telling me she'd come pick me up in a couple of hours to drive me to the airport.

I hauled myself upstairs, wordlessly crawling into bed, knowing that I probably looked and smelt like a walking piece of crap, but I couldn't care less.

I closed my eyes letting sleep over take me. I was tired. I was tired of the endless drama being thrown my way, all I had wanted for years was to be loved by Shane, to be part of a relationship like millions of other teenage couples, but nothing ever went my way did it?

_Dear Mitchie,_

_I hope you haven't got accustom to you and Shane being together yet, because it may just be ripped away from you very soon. Lots of Love,_

_A fucked up form of Karma._

* * *

**Hey guys, here is chapter 10. I've been working on the M rated one shot for over a month on and off and I don't want it to be lame or cheesy so it may be a while still, but hopefully it will be posted. Thank you for all of your reviews, I don't know why but I'm just not getting as many as I used to. It disheartens me, because I spend like 12 hours straight each time planning, writing and editing a chapter for you guys. I put off studying and work :/**

**Anyway if any of you have twitter, add me. My username is xolp**

**Also check me out on JBFA, I have a new story called 'Open your eyes' which is my main focus at the moment, its getting an update about 2-3 times a week. Check it out username: xxhellolovely**


End file.
